Trust Issues, Therapist wants a System List

We started going to a new therapist that says he specializes in Dissociation. We've been there 3 times now and he asked us for a system list the second time. In previous scenarios with other doctors, we opened ourselves up too much, too quickly and that upset a few in the system. This time, we'd like to try and take things slow, feel out the situation and maybe build some trust before we start telling a complete stranger our innermost thoughts and secrets.

What can we do or say that will help us build some trust and see if he's an alright fit for us before we get too deep into things?



As an after-mentioned thought, this man seems stated we'd see him for a year, and began talking about integration, saying we'll return to the original self (Uh, there never was an original... There were a few.)
I don't want our system to go through this with someone who's not interested in learning about DID, but just spits what he read in a textbook at us and ignores the rest of the picture.

This is causing some stress. I'd like to protect my system to the best of my abilities and have no idea what I should do in this situation.

Is there someone or a few who are willing to show their map? With our new t we did, show only a few. It might be safer. Also you could ask questions to learn more about his knowledge of dissociation.
I mean, you could, well we did, get stuck in this pattern of 'feeling things out' with the old t and it didn't help anybody. But then again, if it doesn't feel right there is probably a reason for that. Our new t isn't a dissociative specialist but we just have this click so things are easier. If she doesn't know about things she still asks the right questions and she has empathy to place herself in our situation so she still knows what's going on for us. With old t it just felt fake for some reason and months after she's gone I still feel the same way so I guess I had reason to feel fearful of disclosing things. I don't feel fearful with new t. Hope you figure out what to do.
Peace

If full integration/unification isn't where you guys are headed right now I think that is a MIGHTY BIG thing to disagree on with your T. Then again, chances are your T might define integration differently: For some it just means increased ownership of and making peace with your history. Of course the idea of an "original self" doesn't sound promising, though some people feel that way (especially in secondary structural dissociation where there may be a single ANP - maybe your T worked with someone previously who saw themselves as having an "original self"? )

I'd question them some more for sure and discuss your own aims as far as you have them figured out amongst yourselves.

Our T has very limited pre-existing knowledge about dissociation (though she has a background in trauma work) but she is open minded and supportive enough for us to learn together. So you don't always strictly need a T with D.I.D. experience, but IMO you do need someone who will listen to you and respect your basic choices (i.e. unification etc) so that all of you can become comfortable with your new T over time.

Personally I'd be straight forward about your map. Those who are happy to be on it can give limited details (just what each is happy to disclose). I'd be open about the fact that not everybody is happy to divulge info yet. If your T doesn't understand that, that's further indication that they don't know as much as they think they do. Chances are though, your T might expect not to hear from everybody yet anyway.

Heck, it took a year of weekly sessions with our T for one of my Others to be comfortable enough to speak directly with her in session. A bunch of others haven't yet, and we've been seeing her for near on a year and a half now. Mind you, for the first year we were constantly debating leaving treatment and looking for somebody else. I am glad now that we didn't. These things take time and I think it is sensible to take it slow.
Your T might just be really optimistic Not a bad little trait IMO as long as they know to give you all the time you need as well.

Might not be for you, but if you find it hard to pile out the situation you could ask your T if they follow the ISST-D adult treatment guidelines?
Here they are for your reference: http://www.isst-d.org/default.asp?contentID=49

Hi familyof3,

It's important if you feel uneasy about the map. Wonder what your T would say if you said, not right now? Or help me work on that. Or not everybody is ready for that. Or I need to like TRUST you first. Our T wanted a map really fast because she's used to did and wanted to met us. But she also said it's OK if like anybody wants to not be on it right now. She said we could just leave a space for later. She's a nice T. (But I never tell her that because I don't want her to think I like her or anything. )

Good advice teatime & thecollective! You're a good team.

Iain

For us drawing a system map has not felt intrusive, not even very personal. A map does not include a bio or trauma history of each part. It might not even include any words; it can be entirely pictorial.

Here is a link to a post where I share my own system map:

DID Forum: Alter in love was a mystery to me

Thank you for the advice and input everyone. We have today to consider this. We can't talk to everyone to ask their opinions on the map so I may just temporarily black them out until I can get their permission.

Familyof3 wrote:We have today to consider this.

Take the time you need; don't let the T rush you.

Una+ wrote:

Familyof3 wrote:We have today to consider this.

Take the time you need; don't let the T rush you.

Second that.

And after seeing Una's map I thought I'd link you ours as well - can't gurantee it will even so much as make sense, but maybe it'll spark some ideas of your own: http://theindivisibles.tumblr.com/post/ ... hat-useful (links directly to our post about it on tumblr)

Our T was surprised when she saw it because she asks patients to draw a very similar graph when working with people who experience strong emotional fluctuations. It is to show them that all emotions are valid and that it is normal to experiene the extremes as well as a happy middle.

Well, we used it a little differently. We only have a healthy range when you put us together
Might not suit you but I thought I'd throw it in the mix

If you are not ready or dont feel comfortable dont do it. No matter what you know yourself the best. Judging by your impression hes going about it to fast, and assuming. While a system list may be intriguing for the T seeming helpful, it will do no good if you arent ready or just dont understand how to draw the system out. The best therapy is like a good friend ship, it builds gradually and takes time to figure him/or her out as well as him/her getting to know you. Never rush, and take it a step at a time. He may be an expert but at the end of the day thats someone elses opinion. You are the ultimate judge in what is right.