new member hoping at least some of this is familiar

by **bourbon** » Tue May 20, 2014 3:00 pm

collonges wrote:First thing is to see the doctor, but I get the impression it's not easy to get help.

What Dr? Your GP? If you want to go the NHS route yes persistence is definitely needed! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more privately with someone who has been there!

lindi wrote:Hi! I'm new too. A lot of what you said sounded familiar!

Nice to hear that I'm not the only one like this! My "alters" (I don't find the word comfortable) come and go as well, and are not so clear-cut. For instance, I think sometimes the same persona (I've called them that to myself, not meaning a fake persona) comes back years later in a different form. The essence is the same, but backstory and appearance are different (most of them don't have names).

Hi Lindi, I've had similar. The one who's been around 20 years or so came back slightly differently but is basically the same person but with an extra letter in his name. Some of them have reappeared with a different name. I tried writing a big list once with all their names and who they were but it's gone rotten now and is unreadable

And then, back when I thought I was just being creative I tried writing down their whole lives but found that time didn't match properly and it wasn't like a linear life and jumped about and wasn't consistent.

lindi wrote:Same here. I find socializing draining anyway, and it doesn't help when I have contradicting feelings of what I am, what I like, what is my opinion etc Usually it's me ("world", as pompous as it sounds But I'm the world of my personas) and some persona on the surface "working together", but not always in harmony...

that's a good way of putting it 'working together'. I wish he wouldn't make comments sometimes though because it makes me laugh and I can't say what's funny.

lindi wrote:I changed my name for this reason I took the name of one of my "better" personas (and one of the very few that have always had a clear name). She makes me happy and hopeful, and I could use more of that...

Well, I wish you strength in your struggles and all the best!

I very nearly changed my name a couple of times, and the only reason I didn't is because my mother would say why have you done that, and be really upset. Besides I have a bit of a problem with my gender :oops:

Thanks for your well wishes

I do feel a bit better that it isn't just me and so I'm not alone in a hole.

by **collonges** » Tue May 20, 2014 3:29 pm

Una+ wrote:That reflects their own fear and denial, nothing more. Just because they think that about you, doesn't make it so.

I got a similar reaction from my first therapist. In the intake session I held nothing back; I gave an outline of my long list of strange experiences: possession states, hearing voices, seeing things (both visual hallucinations and intrusive mental images), losing time, people I don't know who say they know me, odd sensations in my body, emotions that were "not me", and even my awareness of having two parallel careers almost as if I were two different people. I knew nothing about DID and had no idea if they were all related, but I figured I would bring all this data to the professional and let the professional sort it out.

My therapist played it cool. Months later he admitted he had recognized immediately that I was describing symptoms of DID but he was really struggling to believe it. After all, patients with DID were "supposed" to be unaware. Right? No. Usually we are aware of a lot that is going on; we just haven't put it all together.

Hi Una+ That's a relief. It was my awareness of it that made the counsellor doubt what I had. Have you got a better therapist now? I'm not sure what they do to make life generally a bit more bearable but still keeping all the different parts. If I do get a decent counsellor I'll have to just say it all I suppose.

I can't remember if I said this but only one of them has spoken directly to me and it was a bit alarming. I tried to push him out again like he'd gone over a line I don't like them to cross, but I felt bad, like I'd rejected him.

by **collonges** » Tue May 20, 2014 3:55 pm

Teatime wrote:Found the chart I was thinking of (statistics on how different patient groups score on tthe SDQ-20 [Pottergate will send you one if it's not the one you've already done]): http://i952.photobucket.com/albums/ae7/ ... echart.png

Don't have any details on typical DES scores though, although I am pretty sure about the "normal controls" score details I stated in my post above though I don't recall the source. Haunted Self maybe? You can call me president Not Sure.

Ah I see, thanks. I took the DES2 (dissociative experience) and the SDQ-20 (somatoform dissociation) and they've recommended taking the SCID-D.

Yes they sent the standard scores page as well which is the same as in your link. So if that's what the typical scores are mine are a bit high, 68.57 for the DES and 50 for the somatoform. I filled it in thinking about the dissociative bit and not life in general because I thought if they're testing for dissociative symptoms I'll concentrate on that. Not sure I did it right and some of the questions I thought I have no idea. I'll not know what it is I suppose unless I take the full test.

I'm a bit plagued by what is it and what it isn't because of the counsellor's comments. I'll maybe forget about that and start again trying to get to see someone who does have the right experience.

-- Tue May 20, 2014 4:05 pm --

bourbon wrote:
collonges wrote:First thing is to see the doctor, but I get the impression it's not easy to get help.

What Dr? Your GP? If you want to go the NHS route yes persistence is definitely needed! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more privately with someone who has been there!

thanks

by **Una+** » Tue May 20, 2014 8:38 pm

collonges wrote:I'm a bit plagued by what is it and what it isn't because of the counsellor's comments. I'll maybe forget about that and start again trying to get to see someone who does have the right experience.

Hold firmly to the fact that this counsellor told you directly she is not qualified in this area of clinical psychology. And you are consulting with the Pottergate Centre; they are highly qualified.

Everything you have mentioned so far is quite typical of DID, including the shaky gender identity and ambiguity with respect to names. I think that after the initial shock and newness wear off you will feel right at home with us here on the DID Forum.

You are not alone, and you have access to some great resources to help you.

by **collonges** » Wed May 21, 2014 5:54 pm

Una+ wrote:
collonges wrote:I'm a bit plagued by what is it and what it isn't because of the counsellor's comments. I'll maybe forget about that and start again trying to get to see someone who does have the right experience.

Hold firmly to the fact that this counsellor told you directly she is not qualified in this area of clinical psychology. And you are consulting with the Pottergate Centre; they are highly qualified.

Everything you have mentioned so far is quite typical of DID, including the shaky gender identity and ambiguity with respect to names. I think that after the initial shock and newness wear off you will feel right at home with us here on the DID Forum.

You are not alone, and you have access to some great resources to help you.

thank you

everyone's been really helpful, i appreciate it.

new member hoping at least some of this is familiar

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