DID getting severe. *trigger warning*

I'll start by saying off I was raped by my uncle ongoing for 6 years as a small child. I never felt like I had a one, concrete "self". When I was 12 I would pretend I was someone else, it found it relieved and got rid of the guilt, abuse, fear and trauma caused by the abuse. So I started doing it more often and newer states would manifest as I got older. I'm 21 now and I have too many "alters" to list. My DID is more about switching "different states" rather than actually distinct people inside of me with names and ages. The reason I say its getting severe is because for the past 2 months I've been experiencing really scary blackouts. I'm not going to explain them because I am afraid it will trigger something inside of me but I'll just let you know they terrified me, one involved being outside at 3am holding a knife.

So I was just wondering, does anyone feel their DID is getting worse? Does anyone know how to keep it under control and stop having blackouts, atleast fewer blackouts would be nice? I am in treatment I see a psychiatrist and therapist.

Hi. Welcome to the DID Forum. I'm not sure I understand your present concerns. Could you say more? I get that you are really scared right now, but what is there for you to be scared of? Have you physically been harmed, or harmed anyone else, during these episodes of lost time? You are aware of your diagnosis and you have a therapist, so why are the episodes still so terrifying for you? What are you doing now to "keep it under control"? Why do you feel this is necessary?

Are you actually having more episodes now, or are you now more aware of having them?

Una+ wrote:Hi. Welcome to the DID Forum. I'm not sure I understand your present concerns. Could you say more? I get that you are really scared right now, but what is there for you to be scared of? Have you physically been harmed, or harmed anyone else, during these episodes of lost time? You are aware of your diagnosis and you have a therapist, so why are the episodes still so terrifying for you? What are you doing now to "keep it under control"? Why do you feel this is necessary?

Are you actually having more episodes now, or are you now more aware of having them?

I'm sorry I'm not that coherent right now, I'm kind of disconnected. I'm mainly scared that I'm going to do something really bad during my next blackout and I won't have any control over it, maybe even get myself hurt or even killed. And yes I've self harmed during these episodes, sometimes very deep and needed stitches. Idk why they're terrifying me, I guess I still haven't fully accepted my diagnosis. Right now I'm not really doing anything to keep it under control, besides sleep a lot.

It is very common for the host to be phobic about the alters.

I am sorry one alter is self-harming. This one must be in great emotional pain. What does your therapist advise about how to help this one? And about how to keep the body safe?