How to reach a little?

Thanks for the suggestions. We will have to try those. I think she'll like the toy store.

Kyttin wrote:Thanks for the suggestions. We will have to try those. I think she'll like the toy store.

Hopefully she isn't to greedy and wants to buy everything haha!

Haha, She might make me buy a new stuffed animal. One for her that Rachael doesn't have yet.

Kyttin wrote:Haha, She might make me buy a new stuffed animal. One for her that Rachael doesn't have yet.

You should be honest with her and tell her its more fun to destroy things than to buy them.

What would she destroy? Anything fun to destroy?

Abbi, destroying things is not good for little girls.

Kyttin wrote:What would she destroy? Anything fun to destroy?

Abbi, destroying things is not good for little girls.

And you can destroy pretty much anything you wanted... Its a lovely way to get your anger out... And it makes people take you more seriously. I've always loved to destroy things in many different ways.

Kyttin wrote:Abbi, destroying things is not good for little girls.

When did you choose what was good and bad? What is good and bad depends on the person... And we are always being told we are real. That we are different people.... By people on the forums like seangel. So that means Abbi should be able to make her own choice. She might even like it. But who knows? I could be just saying these things.

anything, awesome. I know exactly what I want to destroy. Once I get the materials, that is. *grins mischeviously* it'll be awesome! Yeah, Ally, I know what is 'good' for me.

Hey Mercy,

Thanks for quoting me. You are all real, off course all you're.

Toasty wrote:And you can destroy pretty much anything you wanted... Its a lovely way to get your anger out... And it makes people take you more seriously. I've always loved to destroy things in many different ways.

Kyttin wrote:Abbi, destroying things is not good for little girls.

When did you choose what was good and bad? What is good and bad depends on the person... And we are always being told we are real. That we are different people.... By people on the forums like seangel[*]. So that means Abbi should be able to make her own choice. She might even like it. But who knows? I could be just saying these things.

[*]Bolded not in the original

About destroying things this is my perspective: Destroying surely can catalyze anger, however, I always look for safe ways to do it; for example breaking old pottery. I don't agree one can destroy anything one wants. For me there are limits, so whenever I'm angry, I try to express it in exhausting physical routines.

I disagree that people take you more seriously when destroy things. As a matter of fact, I take them less seriously. I think it's a form of intimidation, that might just work for safety issues, but never really convinces the person, and usually I find the person has poor arguments.

I'm all for buying stuff if you want to experience its destruction, and do it without harming others, or yourself. I'm also all for creating something, for example a mandala with sand, and then destroying it, let the wind blow the sand, it's a work with the Ego.

In addition, I do think that the fact that you are all real, doesn't mean doing what every anyone wants, without regards for others in the system. On the contrary, it means that you all have an opinion, that should be listened to, and respected, and by doing so you all can work to make agreements to satisfy the needs of some, without stepping onto others.

BTW Mercy, I think your advice was a very good one:

Toasty wrote:Well. I'm no expert with little kids heh. Destruction is more my thing but... Have you tried just relaxing the body. Play some calming music maybe. Distract yourself from the outside world. And just calmly explain to her that there is no bad people around, that she isn't a bad girl and you want to help her? It will obviously might take some time but hopefully it will get you somewhere.

A toy store would be a place she likes? Good, glad she can enjoy the stuffed animal.

Good luck with that.

Sea

When we can't contact the kids the best we can do is work under the proviso that they are watching. That means until we got a better understanding of who is co-con at which point life got pretty darn child appropriate.

Has the kiddo got a toy? Any kind of object that makes them feel safe? A blanket to hide under?
We've gone as far as building a playhouse from a large box that serves as a safe place for the small kids when they find themselves in the body.

Here is another important thing about toys: You have to treat them nice even when you think the kiddo owner is not present because you never can be sure and actually watching us care for her doll or stuffy has really helped Poe trust us. Because she knows we care about her things because we care about her.

We have similar objects we have added (I know not everybody can) to our internal world. Poe(3-4) has a tipi she feels safe in. They have a tree house no-adults-allowed. Idris(5) feels safest in the attic insde our house.

Another thing: When you're aware of the crying etc. repeat to yourself that it is safe now (that is, if it is) or if you know a little more about the kiddo you can specify what problem is gone.

Rae usually puts some soothing music on if she feels the kid(s) are upset. A lullaby.. anything that calms them. Trial and error of course.

You could hug them inside if they don't have issues with body contact or draw them a hug if they do. (That said, at first even a drawn stick figers hugging picture might feel threatening - here you just need time and patience)

Treat them like you would any other child. And a traumatised child at that. Be kind. Be consistant. Never tell them them they are bad - ensure that if they perceive they have been bad that you reiterate that there is a difference between doing something not so great and actually being bad. And that they are not bad. This stuff takes a long while to sink in so you just have t keep at it.

Ensure you don't make presents dependent on their behaviour. And yes, if you have the funds the odd present can be nice (though for some of our kids presents were very scary at first too).

When you first start to do this stuff and you don't get any results yet it gets frustrating and you might feel pretty silly. But just keep at it. Be patient. Be kind. You get the idea.

That's all I can think of right now.
Best of luck

Mal

Thanks for the replies. We are in the process of finding something for her to keep as hers. We haven't been able to go to the toy store yet, but planning on doing that soon. We've set up her room with a blanket fort and a few small toys, but sadly, nothing that she can call hers. We are going slow and trying to coax her out of her room a bit more, but like you guys said it is a slow process. We appreciate the replies and are going to try the stuff that you have suggested.