Getting Evaluated

Hooray, a post that's not just me complaining!

Over the past few days, I haven't encountered much stress, and as a result, the dissociative symptoms have vastly decreased. It's nice. I still have a weird sense of time where it feels like minutes go by when it's actually been much longer, but I'm attributing that to me being purely scatterbrained. Is it normal for the symptoms to fluctuate, depending on stress levels and such?

I heard back from the therapist, but I'm super nervous to go talk to her. I'll just have to man up, I suppose. I've never been good at dealing with meeting new doctors.

I'm a little spacy at the moment -- just when I said I wasn't dissociating as much, I know. :/ But I'll keep you guys updated as stuff develops.

nonchalant wrote:Is it normal for the symptoms to fluctuate, depending on stress levels and such?

Yes. That is perfectly normal. Alters can "go dark" for so long (months, even years) that the host begins to doubt or even forget they ever existed.

I wish you good luck with your new counselor/therapist prospect. Perhaps bring a written problem statement with you, in case you freeze up.

I sent the therapist the information she needed, but I haven't heard back from her at all. I'm a little hurt, to be honest. So many options are dangled in front of me, then just snatched away. I've tried to get up the nerve to call her, but I've been sick with a bad cold for most of the week, and have been sleeping during normal work hours. She may not even remember me by the time I try and call.

Dissociation continues to be relatively low, with a few isolated incidents of depersonalization. The head-voices have been stirred up, but I have a problem. I'll hear them interject something, but if I try to reply, I usually don't get an answer; or if I do, the conversation stops there. Worse, no one wants to tell me anything about what might be happening inside. I've tried to ask for names, ages, and the number of voices. Almost always, no one answers. I'm able to associate a name, gender, and personality with maybe three of them. The rest are mysteries.

It's hard to feel like I'm not making everything up. And it feels an awful lot like no one cares about how I'm doing. Even doctors.

Hi there. It's me again. I just want to say that I went inpatient too shortly after my last post on this thread, which is why I never came back to this until now. I'm out now too though.

I can relate 100% to what you have been experiencing from the dissociative issues to the covert incest and other abuses. If you ever need to talk, I'd love to offer insight and my story and support and also receive it if possible.

It's so confusing because it doesn't seem that many people can relate to my story as other people's abuses often were cut and dry and noticeable. I feel like a liar as the was so much good mixed in to the mix that it makes me feel like a bad person for talking about it when it was so great at the same time. I almost feel that makes it all the worse. I'm glad to hear your symptoms are decreasing though. This is such a lonely place to be and it's so hard to handle alone, I know.

I didn't get a diagnosis inpatient either and they didn't really believe me. It helped me but I am still left with questions.

If love to talk if you're willing. Supporting you. You are not alone.

Chantel

nonchalant wrote:I sent the therapist the information she needed, but I haven't heard back from her at all. I'm a little hurt, to be honest.

Did you ask her to get back to you before your next meeting? I would e-mail her and ask her to call. Give her some idea when would be good times to call you.

nonchalant wrote:The head-voices have been stirred up, but I have a problem. I'll hear them interject something, but if I try to reply, I usually don't get an answer; or if I do, the conversation stops there.

Assuming for the sake of discussion that you do have dissociated identities, this would be typical for the stage where you are at now. The insiders would know you are still undecided about whether you are just making them up. For them, that is very invalidating. They may feel not ready to talk to you yet.

I'm sorry you had to go inpatient, Chant. I'm even more sorry that the doctors didn't believe you. Like you, I've been invalidated by most professionals I've seen. It gets really disheartening. I hope you're able to find someone who acknowledges your symptoms, regardless of whether or not there was "cut and dry" abuse.

Unfortunately, I haven't seen the therapist yet. She asked me to email her my insurance stuff. I did so about 5 days ago, and haven't heard anything back one way or the other. I'll try and leave a message or something. That might be less intimidating to me than having a conversation on the phone. I really hope she takes me on, and that my dad isn't doing anything to block my insurance coverage. He is super against me getting treatment.

I'm not sure the voices are fully formed identities -- they haven't taken executive control for several years, though I had a few more telltale DID signs in childhood. I'm not trying to diagnose myself one way or the other, as I fully understand that development of such an extreme disorder from a life as relatively benign as mine would be atypical. I'd just like to understand what's going on. I frequently feel seized by terrible anger and self-hate, and I want to come on here and just let it all out. But then I come here, and I feel neutral again. The same goes for when I'm seeking therapy.

I really, really need to see this therapist. She's someone who could potentially believe me and help me. But there's such a chance that she'll turn me away, or that something else will happen. I'm not sure how I can handle that if it happens.

nonchalant wrote:I'm sorry you had to go inpatient, Chant. I'm even more sorry that the doctors didn't believe you. Like you, I've been invalidated by most professionals I've seen. It gets really disheartening. I hope you're able to find someone who acknowledges your symptoms, regardless of whether or not there was "cut and dry" abuse.

Unfortunately, I haven't seen the therapist yet. She asked me to email her my insurance stuff. I did so about 5 days ago, and haven't heard anything back one way or the other. I'll try and leave a message or something. That might be less intimidating to me than having a conversation on the phone. I really hope she takes me on, and that my dad isn't doing anything to block my insurance coverage. He is super against me getting treatment.

I'm not sure the voices are fully formed identities -- they haven't taken executive control for several years, though I had a few more telltale DID signs in childhood. I'm not trying to diagnose myself one way or the other, as I fully understand that development of such an extreme disorder from a life as relatively benign as mine would be atypical. I'd just like to understand what's going on. I frequently feel seized by terrible anger and self-hate, and I want to come on here and just let it all out. But then I come here, and I feel neutral again. The same goes for when I'm seeking therapy.

I really, really need to see this therapist. She's someone who could potentially believe me and help me. But there's such a chance that she'll turn me away, or that something else will happen. I'm not sure how I can handle that if it happens.

This sounds just like me. Maybe you're my double. It took me 2-3 months to finally see my current T. Although she says I have splitting going on she won't diagnose me. She doesn't believe in labels. Ugh. I just want a diagnosis but I don't know why. Here with you.

Finally worked up the nerve to call the potential therapist and see what's going on. Hopefully she calls me back. I hope my father isn't doing anything to block the insurance coverage. I mean, I'm not trying to go to intensive programs anymore -- I just want therapy. Since this person is in-network for us, I really don't think it's unreasonable.

Other than that, I'm doing pretty well. My sleep schedule was really messed up for about a week and a half, but I think I've fixed it now. I'll probably be starting summer college classes soon, which does make me a little nervous. It seems like when I'm isolated from the stresses of real life, I do fine. My problems really start when I have to try and support myself and be out and about a lot. I know I'll have to face that eventually. I can't avoid real life forever.

This might sound strange, but I kind of want a bit of the depression to come back. When I'm depressed, my OCD symptoms aren't as bad for some reason. It's only when everything is more or less fine that I have to deal with OCD at full blast, and it's no fun at all. :/

The therapist called back, and I'm seeing her tomorrow. I'm so nervous, wow. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Seeing therapists for the first time always makes me anxious.

I'll post again tomorrow with an update. I'd write more now, but it's a bit hard to order my thoughts -- I practically jumped out of my skin when the phone rang, and I'm still coming down from that.

nonchalant wrote:I'm so nervous, wow. I know I shouldn't be, but I am.

Of course you feel nervous, and you should feel nervous. It is okay to feel nervous. In this situation it is normal and healthy to feel nervous.

Remember to take some deep breaths and take good care of you between now and then. Do something extra nice for you, just for you.