Unsure if I Have a Dissociative Disorder

Hello there- I'm 20 years old.
Around a year ago, I discovered online ageplay. I always felt that there was a younger aspect of myself, and I was able to separate her once I learned of ageplay. I gave her a name that she liked, and she has her own hobbies, favorite colors, favorite foods, etc. I was originally expecting her to be a younger me, but that hasn't been the case. In fact, she has a very different personality from me, even at that age (she's
When I was posting on the board, or she was posting, really, a new inner kid popped up. Once again, I named her with a name that she liked (it felt right) and she had her own hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. She also had a radically different personality (though I'll talk about that later)- she's 6, and dyslexic
A few months later, an inner kid introduced herself to me. I found that I liked something completely unexpected, and wondered if perhaps it was an inner kid's hobby/like. At that point, I heard (from inside) her introduce herself, name and all. ***possible trigger warning*** she's also the inner who is most prone to panic attacks ***end trigger warning***(she's 13)
Even later that year, I was letting the 6 year old draw (she's a great artist) and she began to draw a face that was totally new to me. She revealed that the person she drew was her older sister (sort of) and told me her name, age (15), etc. She's a protective person, and seems to be the linchpin of our system-- helping to help the others when they are lost, etc.
I also have 3 different adult inners who I found at roughly the same time, ages 18, 19, and 24. The 24 year old is from the South and the 19 year old is British (based on accents of both)
I was able to have conversations with them all, inside my head. The 15 yo especially was very vocal, and extremely sassy. One of the days she was being extremely vocal, I got really mad and told them all to be quiet. And they were- for a very long time and some of them seemed to be lost. I have slowly recovered the ability to speak with them, but it is significantly harder to do and doesn't happen all that often.
For the last 2 or 3 months or so, I began realizing that I had synesthesia. However, it wasn't strong, and it was a bunch of partial types. Somehow (I don't really remember how) I was able to trace this back to yet another inner. When I was speaking to her, the synesthesia was magnified to a much greater degree. Her name was not as easy, and still I'm not sure about it. She revealed her name began with a M, and her middle name she knew already. I also know exactly how she speaks. Her age is also unknown, but she's in the 9-10 yo range.

Also, a lot of the kids have a specific emotion/personality trait that id dominant in them.
6 yo- fear, she's always scared she's doing something wrong
8 yo- bubbly, outgoing, she's the bouncy one and she's perpetually happy
9ish yo- sweet, she hasn't revealed much of her personality other than that. She's generally caring, speaks softly but isn't terribly timid, is super polite, etc.
13 yo- she's the nerdy adventurous one
15 yo- she's snarky and fiercely protective
The adults are less defined- and also don't play a big role. In fact, they're mostly silent.

There is an infrastructure to where everyone is living too.
In the basement (I think) is the 9-10 yo
The middle floor houses the rest of the kids, from left to right 6 yo (room connect) 15 yo, 13 yo, 8 yo (who recently moved from across the hall)
The upper level houses the adults

However, to the best of my knowledge, I never actually leave.
Other random facts (I have no idea if they relate or not):
- I can very rarely remember my dreams (but I can usually remember bad dreams which apply specifically to me or good dreams that apply specifically to me)
- I can't remember much from my childhood (elementary years until 5th grade, when I start to remember blocks of time)- what I seem to remember I've been told by others never happened, and I'm making up my own history
- I was depressed for a period of a month or two, where I felt like I was just watching my life and everything was cold inside (this depression was confirmed by a T) but this hasn't been repeated since (and I was in 8th grade)
- I have a strong likelihood of BPD- but this has never actually been dx'ed

To the best of my knowledge, I was never abused
I was bullied for lots of years (rumors, name calling, exclusion- nothing physical) but not to a completely traumatizing amount
Also I'm 99% sure I've always been here, and no inner has taken over (but then again I have socks and stuff that I've never seen before, etc)

I know people on here can't dx, but if anyone can tell me if this is common to people with a dissociative disorder, that would be helpful (so that I could go to a T [I haven't seen one since 9th grade] and maybe work some stuff out)...?

I'm no expert or anything, but it seems like you might have DID. I recommend seeing a professional though. Anyways, I'm sure you already knew that. The real reason I wanted to reply was to let you know that I always feel like I'm fronting or at least co-conscious and that's a major reason why I tend to go into denial that I have DID. The longest time that I have ever been blacked out and realized it was 10 minutes, but I also don't pay attention so it probably happens lots more than that. Another thing we have in common is that I don't remember any abuse or any extremely traumatizing events or at least I didn't at first, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? DID is a defensive mechanism to block out those memories. Recently I've started to piece bits and pieces of old memories together and I think I have a general idea of what might have happened. Anyways, good luck!

Hi there!

I'm going through a similar situation myself, I'm also coconscious and I didn't suffer from severe trauma as a child except a lot of bullying, although in therapy we identified I did suffer from trauma as an adult due to a extremely emotionally abusive relationship that I never dealt with. For now I have a "system" of around 15 parts from young adults to children to animals and fragmented emotions. I haven't been diagnosed yet although I feel I have DDNOS, I've taken some tests and they all score high on dissociative symptoms. You can take the DES and the SDQ-20.

At first I thought this was something psychotic related to my bipolar disorder, but my psychiatrist said it wasn't, but although at first he said this could be a dissociative disorder then he took it back and said it was an identity difussion but I looked that up and as far as I know it didn't involve feeling possesed by people and being out of control. Also my T has asked some colleagues and they don't think I have a DD because I don't have classic symptoms of DID like amnesia or being out of control by my alters. but I'm not saying it's DID but DDNOS, what's different is that I am ultimately in control so I can make my alters stop before doing something embarrassing in front of other people. That's why I don't claim I have DID but I know it could be DDNOS and not something psychotic or a lack of identity. For what you say it could be DDNOS, but since I don't have a DX and I don't even know what I have, I suggest you go see someone especially if it's a problem in your everyday life. But I warn you it won't be easy to get a Dx because professionals seem to be reluctant to diagnose with a DD, or that's what my short experience tells me. Here there's a thread about my journey since I discovered something was wrong with me and the steps I've been taking. Lately I've been thinking I might just be delusional, who knows...


dissociative-identity/topic132470.html?bcsi_scan_48dd1434e7d30ea3=1qGIOIh5Ej3qWiZfiBKLg73N3lEcAAAAzR5zBQ==&bcsi_scan_filename=topic132470.html

SEE A PROFESSIONAL.

You've described all these people but not one word about actual symptoms of dissociation. Are you even dissociating???? A lot of people have this romantic notion of DID and they don't realize SEVERE DISSOCIATION is the main point of the whole thing.

Do I have symptoms of disassociation?
That's a tricky question to answer.
I'll find stuff that I never remember owning (which I mentioned originally) and dvr stuff that I'd never watch (I assume it's me because my roommate swears on her life that she didn't tape three seasons of some ridiculous reality show). So, yes, I'd think that qualifies.
However, I feel like I'm present a large part of the time.
That's why I was asking, to see if my experiences were like others'.
Also, I specifically said "a dissociative disorder-" not DID. I don't have a romantic notion of DID, at all.

__nonreality wrote:SEE A PROFESSIONAL.

You've described all these people but not one word about actual symptoms of dissociation. Are you even dissociating???? A lot of people have this romantic notion of DID and they don't realize SEVERE DISSOCIATION is the main point of the whole thing.

Huh. Well if the focus of DID is really about dissociation and not identity, then maybe we don't have it either. I'm curious as to what you mean by having a "romantic view" of DID, though. What exactly are you implying?

@ OP:

Hello. We too are co-consoius and co-hosting, and neither of us seem to dissociate, which leads us to wonder if we actually have DID - at least, in the traditional sense. Perhaps there is a different kind of identity disorder that doesn't involve dissociation. If so, maybe the two of [us] actually have that un-named condition. In any case, Aaron and I have been wanting to met other people with alters, so we'd love to meet you- all of you.

Chessplayer wrote:

__nonreality wrote:SEE A PROFESSIONAL.

You've described all these people but not one word about actual symptoms of dissociation. Are you even dissociating???? A lot of people have this romantic notion of DID and they don't realize SEVERE DISSOCIATION is the main point of the whole thing.

Huh. Well if the focus of DID is really about dissociation and not identity, then maybe we don't have it either. I'm curious as to what you mean by having a "romantic view" of DID, though. What exactly are you implying?

@ OP:

Hello. We too are co-consoius and co-hosting, and neither of us seem to dissociate, which leads us to wonder if we actually have DID - at least, in the traditional sense. Perhaps there is a different kind of identity disorder that doesn't involve dissociation. If so, maybe the two of [us] actually have that un-named condition. In any case, Aaron and I have been wanting to met other people with alters, so we'd love to meet you- all of you.

Haha, I also think I have that un-named condition, at least none of the two professionals I've seen believe I have a dissociative disorder, however, they can't tell me what I actually have.

mixnmatchmissy wrote:Do I have symptoms of disassociation?
That's a tricky question to answer.
I'll find stuff that I never remember owning (which I mentioned originally) and dvr stuff that I'd never watch (I assume it's me because my roommate swears on her life that she didn't tape three seasons of some ridiculous reality show). So, yes, I'd think that qualifies.
However, I feel like I'm present a large part of the time.
That's why I was asking, to see if my experiences were like others'.
Also, I specifically said "a dissociative disorder-" not DID. I don't have a romantic notion of DID, at all.

To have a disorder you have to have those things happen all the time and it has to cause a lot of issues in your life.
Dissociation is a sensation most of the time. It's not always about losing time or forgetting something simple. It can be feeling numb, dead, disconnected from the body and yourself, "floating", feeling like you are in a movie set, feeling like you are in a dream, like the world is not real (derealization), like you are not real (depersonalization), not recognizing yourself, not knowing who you are... Dissociation is associated a lot of the time with severe anxiety disorders, PTSD, phobias, BPD, depression and bipolar episodes like mania. If you are diagnosed with these disorders the dissociation can be explained within those disorders alone.

Chessplayer wrote:

__nonreality wrote:SEE A PROFESSIONAL.

You've described all these people but not one word about actual symptoms of dissociation. Are you even dissociating???? A lot of people have this romantic notion of DID and they don't realize SEVERE DISSOCIATION is the main point of the whole thing.

Huh. Well if the focus of DID is really about dissociation and not identity, then maybe we don't have it either. I'm curious as to what you mean by having a "romantic view" of DID, though. What exactly are you implying?

@ OP:

Hello. We too are co-consoius and co-hosting, and neither of us seem to dissociate, which leads us to wonder if we actually have DID - at least, in the traditional sense. Perhaps there is a different kind of identity disorder that doesn't involve dissociation. If so, maybe the two of [us] actually have that un-named condition. In any case, Aaron and I have been wanting to met other people with alters, so we'd love to meet you- all of you.

If you're not dissociating you do not have a dissociative disorder. Period.

If you're not dissociating you do not have a dissociative disorder. Period.

So [we] probably don't have DID. *Sigh* Well, back to square one I guess...

Alright. That is all you had to say. So, by your definition, [we] do not have DID. Fair enough. Unfortunately, there is currently no such thing as a Non-Dissociative Identity Disorder, and since not all psychiatrists are convinced that DID exists, it seems that there won't be for awhile. We've been trying to figure out what we are for years. DID is by far the closest thing we have found to [our] condition, and is the only condition we've found that describes individual identities capable of independent thinking (at least, in some definitions of it anyway). We're hoping that, by posting here, we could perhaps come closer to figuring out what our condition really is. However, we do understand if our presence is not welcome here, and we do not want trouble. If you and enough people wish for us to leave, we will do so.

EDIT: To prevent this thread from going off-topic, please do not respond to this message. If you wish to continue this conversation, speak to us through a PM.