My "if looks could kill" look

These days I know that there is definitely not enough evidence to support that I have DID.
But this seems quite weird to me and I don't know where else to post it.

Several years ago, I had an exchange partner living with me for a few months, and apparently I treated her badly, and she cried and felt like she had to go home early.
This was always a mystery to me as I am a very nice, loving person and don't ever mean any harm to anybody. I was very confused as to why she was accusing me of being mean to her, and why my supposed friends at the time sided with her.

When I suspected I might have DID, it seemed to make sense. Maybe I had an aggressive alter who treated her badly and that was why I couldn't remember ever doing anything to her that might make her so sad and scared of me.

But a few days ago my fiance told me that I have this "If looks could kill" look on my face sometimes (during times that I remember). Apparently, whenever someone doesn't agree with me I get this very angry look, like I wish they were dead or I am about to punch them in the face or something.
This was a big shock to me, as, in those situations, I don't have any feelings close to what it looks like. I am only slightly irritated and feel the urge to defend my position in a discussion. Yet, apparently that is not at all what it looks like. This would definitely explain why in several cases people saw me as a "bad person" when in reality I'm very innocent and peaceful.

I don't know where this comes from, I don't even know what exactly this look looks like, but it must be quite scary if even my fiance describes it as "murderous". Again, I never knew about this, I just don't understand why I don't have control over my facial gestures in these situations. Like, doesn't the look on someone's face usually correspond to what they are feeling? (unless they are lying etc.)

I don't get why I'm looking at people like I hate them, when in reality I am only slightly irritated. My inner feelings should be correctly portrayed on my face.

Again, I never even knew about this before my fiance told me. I jokingly asked him to take a photo the next time I make that face, because I can't understand how I could look that hateful when I am clearly not.

So, all in all, I have no idea whether this has anything to do with DID, it just seems very weird to me, and I thought maybe someone here has heard of it or something and can try and explain why this is happening to me. I don't want to look at people that way, definitely not my fiance. But I'm not sure I can control it, it just feels like my "irritable look". How am I supposed to look irritable then without looking like I'm about to murder someone? o.O

Hi there,

I was surprised to find this post had no replies to it.as I would have thought it to be another'slip' from alters into the world of the host.

By this I mean-some times I hear voices of others alters in my head and for example the other farty I was talking to my alter explaining how when my inlaws come round, that they are good people but Sam the alter I was talking to was shaking my head in a 'no' gesture as I was telling him! Cheeky A.D. this is I mean when I said alters slipping into the hosts spot light I suppose.

I have one alter whose facial gesture will claim my face no matter how I feel but only when I am sleep.so not exactly what happens with you but similar but maybe more extreme because I wake up with the biggest frown that is possible-I didn't even think I could make my mouth turn upside down that much and front of my face wrinkle so much with such a sad face. I can't just stop the face when I realise I am making it,I have to massage it and talk to my alters!

Maybe you could talk to your alters? Find out who is so angry? We all have an angry side, even the quiet ones!

Hope that helps.

I do the same thing. I have this very angry, just go die look. I didn't realize it for a long time. I didn't know why people thought I was so mean when I am not. I still do it sometimes. I try to keep in mind to relax a bit when someone who doesn't know me well starts to irritate me. I do offend a lot of people though. I don't believe it has anything to do with my DID though.

riverside wrote:Hi there,

I was surprised to find this post had no replies to it.as I would have thought it to be another'slip' from alters into the world of the host.

By this I mean-some times I hear voices of others alters in my head and for example the other farty I was talking to my alter explaining how when my inlaws come round, that they are good people but Sam the alter I was talking to was shaking my head in a 'no' gesture as I was telling him! Cheeky A.D. this is I mean when I said alters slipping into the hosts spot light I suppose.

I have one alter whose facial gesture will claim my face no matter how I feel but only when I am sleep.so not exactly what happens with you but similar but maybe more extreme because I wake up with the biggest frown that is possible-I didn't even think I could make my mouth turn upside down that much and front of my face wrinkle so much with such a sad face. I can't just stop the face when I realise I am making it,I have to massage it and talk to my alters!

Maybe you could talk to your alters? Find out who is so angry? We all have an angry side, even the quiet ones!

Hope that helps.

Sadly talking to my alters, if they exist, doesn't seem possible. I've been trying for like half a year and haven't gotten any helpful response. It just makes me feel stupid for thinking I have DID so I gave up on it. If an alter is ready to talk, they should make an effort, not expect me to keep trying when it doesn't seem to work.

But if I could find the reason for all this rage (I have never been an angry person) that would be awesome. So many things are still a mystery to me and I can't seem to figure anything out.

yepitsme wrote:I do the same thing. I have this very angry, just go die look. I didn't realize it for a long time. I didn't know why people thought I was so mean when I am not. I still do it sometimes. I try to keep in mind to relax a bit when someone who doesn't know me well starts to irritate me. I do offend a lot of people though. I don't believe it has anything to do with my DID though.

You don't think it has anything to do with DID? So you think it's just something that can happen to anyone? Why do you think it happens, then?