DID Spouses

Yeah I've contacted a therapist to see on my own and I'm not going to tell my wife because she wants to pick who I see but I know she's just doing that to delay things.

I've tried and tried to get her to see a new therapist but she doesn't like the look of any that I find.

The only person she will see is the psychiatrist and even then she only wants to see them once a month which isn't enough.

I desperately want to go home and see my parents to recharge my batteries and I told her that I need a break to think things over but she doesn't want me to leave her alone in the house until I get the locks changed in the house, but she doesn't want me to do it because she doesn't trust me that I'll pick someone good. So I gave her a list of locksmiths and she hasn't even looked or commented on them the past few days because it stresses her out

It's getting to the point where I just want to sneak off and never come back but I really don't want to do something so heartless and cowardly as that.

I can see that my wife is switching, especially when stressed and what makes me so sure is that she keeps forgetting where she is putting things. I mentioned this to her but she just swore at me and blamed me for moving things on her.

That's what baffles me, she admits that she dissociates and talks about it openly when recounting trauma but doesn't admit to the possibility of switching in her day to day life.

I have a hunch that my wife understandably associates dissociation as a bad thing ie if she dissociates and switches and can't recall what happened during that moment then something bad "must" have happened. So her brain is filling in the blanks with delusions for the times when something triggered her when I've been with her even though I can confirm that nothing bad happened to her.

She refuses to consider this possibility and refuses to believe me when I say nothing happened or apply an logic to what she thinks.

Latest update: My wife still has outbursts of anger and is taking it out on me, so we both agreed that I leave and we take a long break.

She is yet again pushing back on her meds and canceled her appointment to see her pychiatrist and is refusing to see a therapist.

There's nothing more I can do and I can't force her to get help, I'm not going to sit by any longer and watch her make mistakes and poor decisions that could potentially impact both our lives.

Unless she proactively gets help then I can't ever see us having a future together.

I'm sad that it has had to come to this, it's heartbreaking.

survivordid wrote:Latest update: My wife still has outbursts of anger and is taking it out on me, so we both agreed that I leave and we take a long break.

She is yet again pushing back on her meds and canceled her appointment to see her pychiatrist and is refusing to see a therapist.

There's nothing more I can do and I can't force her to get help, I'm not going to sit by any longer and watch her make mistakes and poor decisions that could potentially impact both our lives.

Unless she proactively gets help then I can't ever see us having a future together.

I'm sad that it has had to come to this, it's heartbreaking.

You love her too much to sit back and watch her self-destruct like this? And because of that you will have no choice but to walk away? Perhaps that would get her attention.

If your break turns out to be a "wake up call" for her, and she seeks help, would you be willing to go back?

I'm sorry it's come to this.

Be sure to take care of you, and perhaps see a therapist your self to help you through this time, and the grief it's causing you.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Kitten

ItsJustUs wrote:

survivordid wrote:Latest update: My wife still has outbursts of anger and is taking it out on me, so we both agreed that I leave and we take a long break.

She is yet again pushing back on her meds and canceled her appointment to see her pychiatrist and is refusing to see a therapist.

There's nothing more I can do and I can't force her to get help, I'm not going to sit by any longer and watch her make mistakes and poor decisions that could potentially impact both our lives.

Unless she proactively gets help then I can't ever see us having a future together.

I'm sad that it has had to come to this, it's heartbreaking.

You love her too much to sit back and watch her self-destruct like this? And because of that you will have no choice but to walk away? Perhaps that would get her attention.

If your break turns out to be a "wake up call" for her, and she seeks help, would you be willing to go back?

I'm sorry it's come to this.

Be sure to take care of you, and perhaps see a therapist your self to help you through this time, and the grief it's causing you.

Wishing you the best of luck.
Kitten

Thanks Kitten

This is my first day away and I think she realizes that this is either make or break for our relationship. I really love her and want us to work this out but I'm only prepared to go back if we set boundaries and that she is doing everything in her power to find a treatment plan that works and takes proactive steps with the psychiatrist and a therapist.

When I think back over the past few years in some way I was probably enabling her current behaviour and maybe i wasn't truly helping her heal but rather just making her feeling safe in her own continuous shrinking bubble.

The hardest grief I have right now is missing my little family of animals, but I know my wife loves them and they will benefit her greatly.

I mean it when I say "wishing you and your wife the best!"

There really isn't any advice to give at this point. Which sucks.

Good luck

Kitten

Is this thread still open?

I have been with my wife for just over nine years. Just after we got married alters started to really show themselves. This was about four years after dating. Over the years since, a lot of things that happened in the past make a lot more sense. Note, I have also know this person since high school.

To date I have met most of the "others" as we call them in conversation (as they do also). There are twelve of them. One I was told died. I assume from what I have learned this particular one merged. None the less. This makes for a full house. I brought three children with me into this marriage. None of them to date have been told of the others.

It makes for an always changing, sometimes chaotic, stressful environment for me. Also sometimes very lonely. I already deal with sometimes debilitating anxiety in many forms and ping pong depression. I admit it has made me mad, sad, laugh and cry. I sometimes think, I did not sign up for this! But, I did. I married her because I loved her, all of her.. sickness and health, 4 year old or 60 year old.

I am searching for avenues of support as I can't talk to anyone about this. A couple friends know, and we get that.. "oh really?!"..

The17OfUs

It's important you have appropriate support, being with someone that has any kind of serious condition increases the chances you will experience depression and anxiety and a worsening of anything you might suffer from. You also need to consider if this is something you can handle because you have to make sure you are taking care of yourself and your kids. And if it's to much that's OK there is nothing wrong with that, but you need to be honest abw it so you can make sure your and most importantly your children's needs must always be taken care of.

Having someone to talk to is important so look into getting a T of your own. Make sure you are taking time out for your own self care, that can really be anything you enjoy, Ozalces does wargaming. The idea is it needs to be something that helps you recharge so it might be something relaxing or invigorating as long as it helps you recharge emotionally it's important to make time for it.

And welcome to the forum.

You are not alone. Welcome to the club.

Sunflower and I have been married 11 years, have 4 kids, 15+ insiders (alters), and only found out about DID about a year ago. Like you, it explained a lot of past happenings.

It makes for an always changing, sometimes chaotic, stressful environment for me. Also sometimes very lonely. I already deal with sometimes debilitating anxiety in many forms and ping pong depression. I admit it has made me mad, sad, laugh and cry. I sometimes think, I did not sign up for this! But, I did. I married her because I loved her, all of her.. sickness and health, 4 year old or 60 year old.

I agree it is frustrating, rewarding, perplexing, and many other things. What you wrote really resonates with me.

I'd be happy to talk with you. As this forum is first and foremost about directly helping the people with DID, PM's are probably better to play by the rules.

I think talking about it more on the forum could be good because we get alot to of clueless people dating someone with DID popping up and well some of them are irritating and not very respectful so having more examples of SO's being respectful and stuff would be good.

The17OfUs wrote:Is this thread still open?

Yes, but it is helpful if you start your own thread, so we can follow your story.

The17OfUs wrote:I am searching for avenues of support as I can't talk to anyone about this. A couple friends know, and we get that.. "oh really?!"..

Been there, done that. People who are really only shallow acquaintances not friends will drop you at the first signs of your neediness. DID, cancer, almost any other acute medical problem, divorce, job loss, death in the family.

Is there any Hearing Voices Network group in your area? Or, if you are in the USA, is there any NAMI support group? If not, a good fallback is to call a crisis hotline. They will talk with you and can refer you to other resources.