DID w/ ED

I don't think Teatime has an ED, our weight has been exactly the same (within a very small margin of fluctuations) for all our adult life. But when I look at us individually we aren't entirely healthy in that department.

I guess the below is one big eating/weight TRIGGER..

Mara insists on weighing Teatime morning and evening every day (sometimes we can make her skip the evening weighing..) and she becomes quite emotional if we've put on say.. a quarter of a kilo? It's like the end of the world for her. She keeps a running chalorie count every day.

Rae likes food. She really, really likes food. Unstopped she can eat and eat and eat until we are in quite a severe amount of physial pain. She just really likes the process of having something in her mouth, tasting etc.

Mal is the opposit to Rae. Food grosses him out just looking at it. The process of eating is outright disgusting. He'll do it if he absoutely has to, to keep the Body healthy. But when he is fronting for a long stretch he'll leave off food until he has left the Body so hungry we get the shakes (hypoglycemia?). Only then he'll eat some rice crackers or a food similarly cardboardy. Feeling full really puts him off as well. Given the choice he'd rather deal with hunger cramps/shakes.

I know how I came by my food tick, I think Rae's may originate from the same source.
Mal's reaction to food is kinda a mystery to me.

You do not have an eating disorder. Your impulses are in balance, and controlled. Most healthy people have parts of themselves that want to binge, and other parts that want to purge or starve, but the parts remain in balance so that no part gets out of control.

One of foodie Julia Child's most famous quotes is "Everything in moderation, including moderation."

Una+ wrote:You do not have an eating disorder. Your impulses are in balance, and controlled. Most healthy people have parts of themselves that want to binge, and other parts that want to purge or starve, but the parts remain in balance so that no part gets out of control.

One of foodie Julia Child's most famous quotes is "Everything in moderation, including moderation."

Yeah, Rae and Mal are kind of in balance. I still find it a little baffling how he hates food quite that much. Luckily he is not alone in here, so he doen't have to leave his comfort zone very often.

it's more the constant counting, the compulsive weighing and the intense self loathing and sense of failure + disgust with our body I feel when we gain a point of a kilo that gets to me. So no, not an eating disorder but most certainly a somewhat disturbing relationship with food/body image for me, which is nicely masked and neutralised by the other two..

I guess it's like you say. In balance on the Whole.

my host had bulimia, big time
the first time someone validate for her that yes, she clearly was abused in her past (a big issue for all of us) she was so shocked and sick
and the bulimia stopped
we eat ok, if we overeat we just shrug and, oh well, I can live with that, we say.

i write so shot because I am well, i cannot write much now, i did not ven read all of the replies, but this is a very strange experience we went trough and I thought I add it

we have anorexia nervosa. we were diagnosed as a kid, from what jade remembers, and she was around a lot in those days. it's really frustrating and difficult. we've been hospitalized on a yearly basis for it; this past year we were in the renfrew center for 3 months. food is very very tricky. having stuff in the mouth is a pain. swallowing it is worse. trauma stuff. then there is the fear, the counting, the weighing, the exercise, the rituals. then there are the actual food games the parents played with the ells growing up, which were twisted and all that, so food itself is an enemy. and jade has this religion form of anorexia, the fasting for god and all that. so eating in her mindset is gluttony and a sin and dooms her to hell. the ells and jade have the worst of it. linn and the kids find it difficult because linn loves loves loves food but when she eats, someone else (usually jade, or me) will come out and compensate after with exercising or other behaviors. it is really hard to relate to folks who have an eating disorder and are not multiple because the basis of it is different, and the way we experience an eating disorder is not the same.

*trigger for ED talk etc etc, obviously*

Definitely agree with galaxies.

We have had anorexia since age 5. We have been hospitalized (somatic & psych) and all of that. We as of now no longer have an eating disorder (and are celebrating this). We never found much help in general anorexia forums and help, because much of our reason for struggling was things like galaxies mention:

having stuff in the mouth is a pain. swallowing it is worse. trauma stuff. [...] then there are the actual food games the parents played with the ells growing up, which were twisted and all that, so food itself is an enemy.

Of course there was also the more "normal" anorexia thoughts. We found one passage in an article once that the most described how it was for us and why we would relapse (the article was mostly about competition in in-patient hospitals, but rang true for us as a more general statement):

That feeling, that fear of not being sick enough, is not about vanity or rivalry; it’s about feeling so worthless that you don’t believe you deserve to be cared for. That’s what it comes down to. People with anorexia and bulimia don’t believe that they deserve help, deserve rest, deserve to ask for what they need. In other words, they don’t believe they get to be human. And when they compete with each other to be the thinnest, the sickest, what they’re really doing is trying to prove that they’re worthy to be in treatment; worthy of the time and energy of the staff; worthy to nourish their bodies, worthy to start to heal.

Healing can happen and while the road might be different than for non-DID'ers, it's still a road worth taking

DID & ED. WOW. Where do I begin? We were walking around emaciated long b4 we were tagged DID. For 30 yrs & counting we've starved or puked or used laxatives a sleeve at a time - even Epicac when it hurt too much to force food up on my own. It used to scare me what we have done to this body over the decades. Not enough though I guess. Still struggle.

Last time Ange took over, we could barely get up in the mornings yet I'd have to make myself (to take my dogs out), & twice fell to the floor of the porch, completely dehydrated. My chest would hurt; I'd walk into walls without even seeing them. 77 was my lowest weight, though not recent. 3 yrs ago, after a forced hospital stay for a DID episode, I refused to eat till they let me out & got down to the high 80s. That crazy life, now two years past, yet I'd still want it if I could only get her back. After reading so many of your stories, I have come to believe that my ISH (whoever that is) is keeping Ange at bay to save our body from her abuses. She'd never let the children eat because it was all about her.

Brianna is all about immediate gratification. I've B/P'd in crazy amount, crazy ways, crazy places, an airplane restroom, for example. Perfect cover with motion sickness and all. When too tired, yea, even chew-spit. Hide food too, or just plain throw out the healthy food that our core part has bought - talking about un-opened boxes of Kashi cereal, bags of plain frozen shrimp & even a bag of perfectly good apples & vegetables on occassion. The thing of it is, anorexia has nothing to do with food & everything to do with control. If I am angered by someone's comment or behavior, I'm down for a three day fast. My record is 8 days.

A recent problem has come up because 3 months ago I was prescribed blood pressure & cholesterol meds. Kind of difficult to keep them down with EDs. Technically, I'm EDNOS - a safe catch all because I'm not anorexic at my current weight but I still have a very anorexic way of thinking, & come to think of it, I got rid of yesterday's dinner.

Anyway, the trouble I see with DID & ED both together is that it is an impossible situation when nobody can be pleased without punishment to the body. The kids want cookies & ice cream & pizza...the anorexic could die at the thought...the bulimic, well I guess she's just there to please them both. The core though, who is me, (others were writing as well throughout) is cought in the middle.

My T's strategy is to ignore the ana symptoms & just be-friend everybody. He got Angela to make up her own "Kosher" food list & everyone was to agree to eat as much (or as little at 1st) that was on the list, realizing that foods on the list were 'safe'. They could not possibly make us fat or Ange wouldn'y have put them on the list. At that time, it was only salad with lemon juice for dressing & some egg whites, but soon after (as we were feeling safer) plain fish or chicken was added & the list began to grow from there. We still eat only healthy foods but we eat too dam* much of it to not lose weight. It wouldn't be a problem if we didn't see our mom in the mirror. That's the bottom line.

Sorry to dump on you all. Least I got it out & I know it's important from time to time to not let things build. That's why I love this forum. Everybody can vent...Cheers to all.

Very interesting to read and I'm proud of you for sharing so much sotrsab

It wouldn't be a problem if we didn't see our mom in the mirror. That's the bottom line.

That's very powerful. I'm sorry you do that.

My T's strategy is to ignore the ana symptoms & just be-friend everybody.

I think this, for the most part, is alright as long as the symptoms aren't dangerous.

I really want the best for you and I just wanted to thank you for sharing, really

UHG, I have this issue with Alex, she has anorexia and though she claims she's in recovery for it, is constantly b*tching at me for feeding the body when I'm out. She's all "you're going to make us fat" blah blah blah, but I saw us in the mirror today and I'm seriously getting p*ssed. I want some curves and I don't want to have a constant battle every time I eat, and I shouldn't have to put up with being hungry when I'm out.

I exercise, I eat the fruits and vegetables, she has nothing to complain about. We look f*cking hot now that I've been working on the body, and I get not one word of gratitude.

we definitely have parts with eating disorders. We routinely go days or even up to a week without eating anything. We don't lose much weight, I think mostly due to being on zyprexa, but something about starving is very comforting for some of us. We spent lots of early years hungry. I think some even enjoy the hunger pains. Me, I just hate eating, and I eat small amounts real fast. If I didn't have to in order to avoid getting weak and shaky, I probably wouldn't. Luckily I have a very dear friend that knows we have food issues, and he will plop something ready made into our lap. This is helpful because we didn't have to look at it while it cooked (which really grosses some of us out), and we rarely refuse because we won't hurt his feelings. If it were just us, we'd probably eat about one cup of food every few days (and still be fat!). I hear you guys with that voice(s) in the back of my head screaming "that's going to make us f*cking fat!" Sometimes I wish everyone would shut up and leave me alone. Maybe I could get some real sleep then lol.