Confused/triggered Part or as yet unknown Part? Suggestion?

Hi there

A couple of weeks back we finally started being open with our husband about who is up front at any one time. He is getting to know us individually and is starting to tell us apart rather reliably too

Yesterday was a bit of a mess of a day and amidst a lot of upset it appears someone we hadn't been aware of previously got triggered Out.

Our husband and I were discussing an upcoming visit from the Mother. We're pretty anxious about that one as soon as she is responsible for the majority of the things we're working through these days. We were anticipating ways she might goad us into a reaction (not a good idea I know but we were pretty out of it by this point) and our husband said that if she did that he would push her out of the house. He meant he would ask her to leave but I felt pushed back.

It is all a bit hazy from there.

We threatened the husband telling him he could not ever push the Mother, then ran off to the bedroom and hid under the blanket. Le doh. Anyway, our husband came after us, took the blanket and asked the Fronter's name. When they said they didn't know he went through each of our names and asked if the Fronter was them. He got eight NO!s for an answer.
The Fronter told him they were "nobody". That they didn't have an age or a gender. That the only thing they do and want is to protect the Mother. They said they remember they used to go grocery shopping with Mother and that the last time they Fronted was at an event where they performed the same "protection" for our Mother-in-law (about a year ago).
Throughout the whole conversation the Fronter kept asking our husband over and over to confirm that he would not push the Mohter.

I understand that some Parts/Alters aren't as fully formed as others. That it is normal for some not to have age or gender. That sometimes names have to be chosen later.

The thing that leaves me unsure of myself is that this is the first time we've met somebody new this way. We've never been in a position where an Outsider spoke with somebody new before we got to know them "internally" and he himself was a little worried about what role suggestion might play in this (i.e. if a confused Part who is triggered is asked their name and they don't feel like themselves would you expect them to answer like this Part did?).

Does this experience sound in any way off? Have you ever had a Part get so confused when triggered they thought they were somebody else as yet unknown to the System?

Thanks
Odessa

Odessa @ Teatime wrote:Does this experience sound in any way off?

Not at all. This sounds very typical of a special-purpose fragment who fronts only rarely. She has her own individual life history, a very limited one (which is why she is a fragment), and she does not have her own name. Yet. Or perhaps "nobody" is her name. Time will tell.

It is good not to ask too many leading questions, but I wouldn't worry too much about that. Even the most open ended questions contain some presupposition. For example, "What is your name?" or "Who are you?" presupposes the part has a name or should have a name.

hi there


What you and your husband went through sounds like a real stressfull situation but it also sounds like u have a wonderful husband that is supportive and wants to help you as a whole.Thr trust that has grown from you coming out is obvious as your your alters are coming out as thereself and not hiding behinde you.


I have had alters just pop out from inside triggered by the most simple words, word or sentances. It has ranged from them just saying a sentance there self to me breakdown as a child alter for hours and not being able to communicate.

What Una said about leading questions i think makes sence but its because ANY THING can contain triggering material. If you dont know whats flamable what do you know to keep the flames away from?

Myself and my partner have a routeine to deal with the times i do lose myself and she or my alters can not communicate.

We use almost a script of safe words to make sure we all know where we are and that my partner is not going to hurt us, and that who ever is out is welcome and if they can talk my partner will listen. If they cant talk my partner will just sit and be with them. If they need a hug they just need to move a little closer and my parter will do the rest etc..... by doing that and gaing trust the next time it happens we found it is more likely communication will happen. we have also found 'i' am more likely to come back to the front much more quickly than b4.


Your expereince is in no way off, so dont worry, you are not alone and neither is your husband.

Give him and pat on the back from us, sounds like you have a good one there. Our littles send your safe hugs and welldone claps for not breaking down over this strange first experience. You are doing well!!!!

we are all thinking of you all

hi Una, hi River

Thanks for your reassurance and kind words

~Odessa