An absolutely *FASCINATING* scientific Essay **TW**

**trigger warnings**

Hello, and Thanks to All who replied.

This is My Replies back to You.

riverside wrote:Hi mate,

Hello, Comrade.

I am perplexed when I first read it bit now having taken my evening pills we are still perplexed but will play along as thus is all we know how

I'm not surprised that you are perplexed. I hope that is a good thing from your point of view. I quite like myself.

Keywords;
we
Love
Inspiration

As I noted in my post which was deleted, my Essay did not really have much to say about Love, and as I recall, I mentioned it only in the context that I "almost Love Her", Johanna Merck, "already". But! I *do* have things to say about love, too, so what to you want to know? And that goes for the other keywords, too. In other words, it would help, if you were more specific.

not she if it's the idea bit thought it was fun playing

She? Johanna Merck? Or do you mean "sure"?

Playing? I'm glad you liked it, and yes, it was a bit of a game, but I was also serious.

AltCtrlDel wrote:*direct*
*research*
*imperative*

Why Alt+Ctrl+Del? Ctrl+Alt+Del, the Three-Finger-Salute, would seem more Logical and Intuitive.

I know a lot about research, although perhaps not much about imperatives, depending on the definition. Please expound a little on exactly what you are interested in.

--
PTSD/DID/ADhD

I have DID and ADHD as well, primarily Inattentive, or the old type of ADD, which included Fatigue and other things.

Never compromise yourself, you're all you've got.

I agree that you not compromise yourself, although your should certainly make other compromises. But I do not agree that you are All you got, unless you are very unfortunate, but even then, that problem can be rectified.

__nonreality wrote:I have no idea what this is supposed to be about but.

It was about a Lot of Things, and that explains why there were so many keywords.

ok.
*cocaine
*research
*inspiration

All right, that is good. I know particularly much about cocaine and research, and in part for that reason, I need to you be more specific. As far inspiration is concerned, I said that my essay might be inspiring to you, especially if you have DID, like me, because I regard DID as a Gift, and my Essay illustrates pretty well, how Great you can be, and still have DID.

another-place wrote:Hi,

Your links didn't work (1x 404 and 1x subscription required)

You are right, that http://jewishdata.com/jewish_genealogy_search/Merck does not work - my Mistake. However, I have just verified that the following two do work as of writing, and I do not have a subscription myself:
http://jewishdata.com/jewish_genealogy_ ... ck/Johanna
http://jewishdata.com/jewish_genealogy_search/Merck/

There links are not particularly useful for you, though, I presume.

All I can gather is:

1. You are German
2. You profess to be a Nazi
3. You like cocaine
4. 1 is an integer (I suspect most of us knew this anyway)

..?

1) yes, true; I stated that I was a German of Jewish descent.
2) yes, I did, but I must point out, that I am certainly no typical Nazi, and I would be even more misleading to say I'm a racist. For illustration of this, the tree songs I have listen to most recently, all on Auto-Repeat, were Bob Marley's "One Love", Diana Coupland's "Underneath the Mango Tree", and the currently playing song, Steve Kekana's "Raising My Family", and unless I am Mistaken, the Musicians singing these songs, are all BLACK, but incidentally, Bob Marley's father was a Jew.

However, I also listen to songs like the Nazi SA storm troopers' "Horst Wessel Lied", the German National Anthem "Deutschland Über Alles", and the Prussian Military March "Preussens Gloria", and sometimes, I listen to Classical music as well, and to Heavy Metal.

If this sounds surprising to you, all I can say, is that it is Really Not, if only you have an Open Mind! And I encourage You All, to make everything you can to open up your mind, and All Else Will Follow, as another black singer put it, in "Free Your Mind". No, actually, the phrase was and The Rest Will Follow.

riverside wrote:Hi there,

This original post has been changed with all the rambles with key words taken out.

Alas, this is correct, and as some else already explained, it is not My Choice.

Part of me a younger wanted to play along, part of me was wondering if this was some ones ego had a day trip to see if his peers were good enough to engage with. A part feels enraged at the attempt to minimise or should I say use semantics to simply who is and ego is not a Nazi our in need what is!
That is the Jewish part and the human part.

It is good if you can FEEL enraged... I cannot, at this time, as I suffer from the emotional Numbing of Depersonalisation, but I have felt in the past, and I liked it.

Yes, I did have an Ego Trip! One of best such trips, in some ways. Yes, I suppose I was also Testing you all, to see if you were good enough to engage with...

Minimise what? What does "to simply who is and ego is not a Nazi our in need what is"??? It is so full of grammatical errors, that I cannot really interpret it, sorry!

And which Jewish parts and human parts are you talking about?

I feel you wanted us to engage with the text I can't can't imagine why you would then take it down?

Yes I wanted to, and I did not take it down, as has been explained above, and by other posters.

Was this thread an attempt at introducing yourself friend?

Yes, that was Part of It.

introduce yourself away. . . .

What more do you want to know? Beware, though, that it is not allowed, to post many types of Harmless Facts to this Forum, such as one's being a kind of chemist, and this I mention only generally speaking, as an Example, and I hope this, at least, is permissible!

We lol forward to hearing from you.

That pleases me to hear, so Thank You. Alas, this Forum does Not appear particularly Amenable to my Goals, so it appears likely, that I will not post - or read - much more.

Spock

I am not familiar almost in the least with Star Trek, so I do not know, who Spock is...

skin wrote:he didn't take it down, the moderator did. seemed like a pretty obvious attempt at trolling to me *shrug*

Well, it was provokative, in many ways, and indeed, meant to elicit Response. However, it was NOT an attempt at "trolling", but rather, something Useful.

AltCtrlDel wrote:Seemed like a fake monarch / mind control via key words type thing. It got me curious at any rate. O.o

I am glad that it got you curious.

*trigger warning*
What do you mean by "fake monarch"? I have heard about the Monarch Project, and it sounds fascinating to Me, and in fact, I have discovered several interesting methods of Manipulation myself, although I cannot claim that I have Mastered their Practical use to the Extent, that I could Successfully Apply them to You, as of Writing! Also, I do NOT believe, that the CIA, which is, incidentally my FAVOURITE amongst American Government Agencies, and I Love their Conspiracies, such as their Supposed Importation of Cocaine, and their Assassination of the Dangerous President Kennedy, that they got Particularly Far AT ALL, with the Monarch Project, or MK-ULTRA, though I would Very Much Like to Learn More about it!
*end trigger warning*

And Last, but Not Least, while it is Certainly Possible, that I might Post here again, I encourage Anyone and Everyone wishing to Hear MORE from Me and Us, to send me a PM with your e-mail address! This is not too much to ask, and it would make Things more Convenient for Both Me and You!

Cheerio,
Albert.

Please remember that using the PM system here is a safer option than email as we can never know who everyone is on here and with the PM system PM's can be reported if anything becomes uncomfortable for either party. As always, stay safe

because I regard DID as a Gift

That is good. DID really is a gift of survival in its own way

hi Albert

I dont mod in DID and dont have it. I mod in Bipolar and some other forums and I have bipolar 1. I certainly cannot diagnose you and am only here as peer support but I wanted to say that reading through your posts and how you appear to be thinking and communicating at the moment that I wonder if one of your alters is unwell. As I said, I cant diagnose you but I recognise how I am when fully manic from your posts and have also seem similar communications from others who are manic. I suspect you will not like this suggestion and that is fair enough but I wanted to make a couple of suggestions if you dont mind. One is to consider going to see your Dr and perhaps taking print offs of your posts you have made in this thread to show them. the other thing is perhaps visiting the BP forum and having a read of some threads to see if anything resonates with you at all - it may well not but just as I said I notice some similarities between you and someone who is manic. The main thing tho would be to see your Dr as I suggested as they are the one with the power and skill to assess and treat anything that needs treating. Anyhow, as I said I suspect you will not like this reply but I felt I needed to say it as I personally am quite worried about the content of your posts and how you appear to be communicating.

Best wishes

Cracked

Hello to You All,

This is Albert, again.

I have *SWITCHED* and Lost Time!

Someone Logged me OUT of This Forum, and Logged Me in, under another user name, to which, I do not have the Password myself, and he or she, posted to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum, and Sent Greetings to a couple of people I don't Know!

Fascinating!

albert-et-al wrote:Hello, and Thanks to All who replied.

another-place wrote:All I can gather is:

1. You are German
2. You profess to be a Nazi
3. You like cocaine
4. 1 is an integer (I suspect most of us knew this anyway)

..?

1) yes, true; I stated that I was a German of Jewish descent.
2) yes, I did, but I must point out, that I am certainly no typical Nazi, and I would be even more misleading to say I'm a racist. For illustration of this, the tree songs I have listen to most recently, all on Auto-Repeat, were Bob Marley's "One Love", Diana Coupland's "Underneath the Mango Tree", and the currently playing song, Steve Kekana's "Raising My Family", and unless I am Mistaken, the Musicians singing these songs, are all BLACK, but incidentally, Bob Marley's father was a Jew.

However, I also listen to songs like the Nazi SA storm troopers' "Horst Wessel Lied", the German National Anthem "Deutschland Über Alles", and the Prussian Military March "Preussens Gloria", and sometimes, I listen to Classical music as well, and to Heavy Metal.

If this sounds surprising to you, all I can say, is that it is Really Not, if only you have an Open Mind! And I encourage You All, to make everything you can to open up your mind, and All Else Will Follow, as another black singer put it, in "Free Your Mind". No, actually, the phrase was and The Rest Will Follow.

Sorry I forgot:
3) YES! I do Indeed, a Great Deal! But I am not a dealer...
4) Yes, you are Right, of course, 1 (one) is an Integer, and Love that Fact!

Cheers,
Albert.

lifelongthing wrote:

albert-et-al wrote:because I regard DID as a Gift

That is good. DID really is a gift of survival in its own way

That is true in a sense, because it DOES, indisputably, reduce Pain, especially psychological pain.

However, that is only worth the COST in the SHORT or possibly Medium Term.

It is NOT worth the cost in the Long Term. It is *SO* hard to Treat, and there are SO FEW people who know HOW to Treat it with ANY success! The VAST majority of Psychiatrists and Psychologists alike, do not even have Skills to Recognise and DIAGNOSE dissociative disorders, and I know this, for a fact, from the Literature, and it is Backed to 100% by Personal Experience.

And even NOW, I am STILL struggling to RECOVER my *EMOTIONS*, or in other words, what Most People take for GRANTED, and THIS is In Spite of ALL my *mod edit* and many other Gifts I am Bestowed with.

But, that is the DEPERSONALISATION and the Conversion Disorders (such as Myopia!), and NOT the MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES.

The former two, are a Curse, the LATTER, is a GIFT!

The ALTERS are a Gift, because, they Make Possible, to Be SEVERAL persons in one Human Primate and Animal - multiple Spirits or Souls, if you will. It is Fascinating, and especially, when You, like Myself, have Alters, that You can EXPERIENCE, as if FIRST-HAND, and Share the MEMORIES with! Then, You CAN understand, and SEE for Yourself, With YOUR own EYES, and SEEING is BELIEVING, what it is LIKE, Genuinely, To BE, another Person! NO normal person, who does not have MPD, or DDNOS type 1, will EVER experience THIS!

Assuming a different Personality, is Assuming a NEW and a Fresh Perspective and another Point of View!, even if you wear the same shoes! And I love DB Boulevard's song "Point of View". Look it up on YouTube, if you're not familiar with it.

So, I KNOW, for Example, what is FEELS like to be Transsexual - to have a Female Gender Identity in a male body, like my beloved Amanda, and I know, what it Feels Like to have an Anti-Social Personality and be Criminal, like my dear Heidi!

Incidentally, some Days ago, *I stole* a Coke bottle, and a pill jar, and I did not notice a Switch to Heidi, so it is Possible that She has Merged with Myself, Albert, but I hope NOT, because I LIKE to be Heidi, and it would be a Great Loss indeed, if I were Never to EXPERIENCE her Again, First-hand, even IF I were to have ALL of her Skills, but NOT her Feelings! And, I shamelessly confess that I also Enjoy, feeling as if My NAME is HEIDI! And Heidi is not troubled by Transsexuality, as she has a neutral gender identity, like myself.

And so on...

Albert.

Hello,

*Trigger Warning*

this is sum1, an alter of albert-et-al, who opened this thread. Or is Albert and alter of **MINE** ??? soo.... confused right now ____ PLEASE ____ **HELP** me --->>> I'm losing my sanity out of all this ---___BLASTED___ GOD-damn -------->-> __CONFUSIONS__???


Oh... and *I'M* so confused that I **CANNOT** even find **MY** own DRUGS, let alone *ALBERT'S* drugs! And I *NEED* drugs now ---> __SO__ that i do **NOT** -->--> not, NOT, not, KNOT, nott!! I D o n o t *WANT* to go insane ... I AM ***NOT*** going to that **BLASTED** hospital again, with **PSYCHOSIS**, *PARANOIA*, ______HALLUCINATIONS_____ !!! *ETC* *ETC*

ahh...... ah... I'm feeling a bit better.... why? Hahah... well, hehe, because I remember!!!! I remember to *SMOKE*, tobacco!!! Albert left his *BIG* cigars in the OPEN ... right here by my side, and I noticed them, accidentally ... how, HOW??? How, could I possible not have NOTICED Albert's **CIGARS** right here by my sIDE??? For sooo.... long!!! Yes, MAYBE.... quite likely, it FEEELS, like ***HOURS*** have gone by ... hours of ***AGONY***, ______CONFUSION_____ ---- **** A-N-X-I-E-T-Y **** ---- of the most EXTREME kind ??? !!!!!! YES!

I am not Not OVERSTATING ***ANYTHING*** right now! This IS **NOTHING** BUT THE TRUTH ---- and I *WISH*, really wish... that I could tell **YOU*** the **WHOLE** truth, or even just the little bit of whole truth that I can REMEMBER right now.... YEESSS.... my MEMORY is *FAILING* __SPECTACULARLY__ there are **BLIND*** SPOTS ** in my *'VISIUAL* FIELDS !!!

Yes, I am *A*P*P*A*R*E*N*T*L*Y* ----> DISINTEGRATING and SHATTERING into timy little smithereens, to the crystalline sound of AGONY, absolute, agony!

Oh, ah, ahhhhhhh.... Smoke, smoke, yes, I'm smoking again, and it's better.... bettter.... yes.... beterr... much, much, much better.... need to ***REMEMBER*** to keep smoking Albert's Big Cigar ---->>>

Yes, hahaha..... isn't that FUNNY? *C_H_A_I_N_*--*S-M-O-K-I-N-G* is only thing that can save me now.... the healthiest thing in the world!!! Yes, amazing? It's *TRUE*!!! Yes, I'm joking too, but it *STILL* true, at same time...

I think I can handle things from here.... thanks to Albert's Big Cigars of Tobacco.... Sweet Mother Tobacco, you are my Saviour! Haha... I wish I were Beethoven, so that I could COMPOSE a sublime ode to Mother Tobacco.... who is NOW saving my life, yes, because I am now REMEMBERING to *KEEP* inhaling mama's FUMES! Hahha!

But? Yes, please HELP me, still??? What HAPPENED? I'm still ***CONFUSED***, yes, *VERY* confused __iNDEEED___, but thanks to the NICOTINE, yes, Mother Tobacco, Albert's Big Cigars, I am NOW **CALM** --- CALM, calm, yes, but ---CONFUSED--- yes.... soo.... yes... PLEASE??? PLEASE!!! HELP ME **NOW**!

!! **HELP ME*** !!

Hi there Sum1.

It sounds like you were in a lot of distress when you wrote this post. How are you doing now?

With reference to:
https://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic133813-10.html#p1393682

Some of the things we wrote are embarrassing to me now. I remember only fragments. I remember that I had "la belle indifférence" about the blind spots in my visual field, which was, of course, a dissociative conversion symptom. That part of it (la belle ..) was actually a comfort in the midst of the confusion and apparent agony. I say apparent because I don't remember. These things are traditionally known to appear in hysteria, and what I (think it was me) wrote in that post does look absolutely hysterical.

I was hospitalised not long afterwards, and I'm still hospitalised, because they apparently think I have difficult-to-treat schizophrenia. The DSM-5 (though the doctors here use ICD-10) does not require much for a diagnosis of schizophrenia. I have negative symptoms (due to depression and schizoid personality disorder) and I had delusions, and that's enough already.

When the police knocked on my door, I went to talk to them, and then I lost time until I was in the ambulance in handcuffs on the way to the hospital, and I remember I was talking a lot of crazy stuff, if it was me, but at least I was conscious. One of the few things they have told me about it is that I mentioned contract killers.

-sum1

CrackedGirl wrote:hi Albert

Hi CrackedGirl. This is Albert using another account.

CrackedGirl wrote:I dont mod in DID and dont have it. I mod in Bipolar and some other forums and I have bipolar 1. I certainly cannot diagnose you and am only here as peer support but I wanted to say that reading through your posts and how you appear to be thinking and communicating at the moment that I wonder if one of your alters is unwell. As I said, I cant diagnose you but I recognise how I am when fully manic from your posts and have also seem similar communications from others who are manic. I suspect you will not like this suggestion and that is fair enough but I wanted to make a couple of suggestions if you dont mind. One is to consider going to see your Dr and perhaps taking print offs of your posts you have made in this thread to show them. the other thing is perhaps visiting the BP forum and having a read of some threads to see if anything resonates with you at all - it may well not but just as I said I notice some similarities between you and someone who is manic. The main thing tho would be to see your Dr as I suggested as they are the one with the power and skill to assess and treat anything that needs treating. Anyhow, as I said I suspect you will not like this reply but I felt I needed to say it as I personally am quite worried about the content of your posts and how you appear to be communicating.

I was in a manic-like state, because I was under heavy influence of psychostimulants, and I was sleeping very little, if at all.

CrackedGirl wrote:Best wishes

Cracked

Best wishes too!
-Albert / sum1

Sending a lot of moral support.

The "Haunted Self" does criticize the fact that no mental health encyclopedia (DSM-5, CMI-10) puts dissociation as a differential diagnosis for schizophrenia and other organic psychosis. It is a shame since a lot of dissociative persons have psychotic-like symptoms (schneiderian symptoms) that are treated in a very different way from organic psychosis.

I wish for you that you find a therapist who will find the right diagnosis for you and the proper treatment that will help you.
__
Daniel.