more questions about parts and experiences TW

hi again everyone

i know i've been posting alot of questions lately, but i'm trying to find out about my condition, i don't think my T is going to give me a diagnosis, seems like she's more into helping than giving out diagnoses, which is ok by me.
all i know is that she's talking about dissociation and parts, i have a hard time accepting it, it goes in circles...i believe it...but when my symptoms and experiences calms down, i believe it's fantasy..that it's not really true. i have a highly developed denial side of myself. my friend tells me that if she manages to tear down 10 of my walls, i put up 50 new ones.

anyway, i have some questions relating to parts. my girlfriend(i am also female btw)told me last year that she wasn't going to move to the states with me(it has always been my dream)she had promised that in 15 years we would move, and then 7 years into the relationship she told me she couldn't and i had to rethink our relationship. i can't remember this happening, but i know that around the time she's talking about a new type of reality was created, it actually feels like i live in the states now and then, which has calmed down alot of my inner turmoil. Is this a new emotional part?

i also had a big emotional shock last year, where one of the kind voices in my head told me i needn't worry, i was going to die soon. and after this alot of things changed, it feels like the person i was before doesn't exist, i am now a person who can deal with the life i have now..it's like i now can deal with job(before it was horrible, and i wanted to work from home, and not to be at the office, it was sometimes difficult to deal with my dogs(since one of them is very challanging), and i was often having arguments etc with my gf.
not it seems i can deal with all of this on a new level, i really like my job, i don't like working from home, i want to be at the office, it's alot easier managing my dogs, and my relationship with my gf is easier(except the intimate part)
the only sad thing is that my relationship with my bestfriend is affected, she seems so different, like she belongs to another part of time, she is wondering what is going on, because the one i was is gone, and has been gone since december 2012.
i know it seems i have "lost more of my emotions"although i can also be emotional...hard to explain. what is going on here? i am so confused...
amnesia is a big problem too, has always been, i'm diagnosed with dissociative amnesia, among other things.

wish you all a good sunday

riddle wrote:i know i've been posting alot of questions lately, but i'm trying to find out about my condition, i don't think my T is going to give me a diagnosis, seems like she's more into helping than giving out diagnoses, which is ok by me.
all i know is that she's talking about dissociation and parts, i have a hard time accepting it, it goes in circles...i believe it...but when my symptoms and experiences calms down, i believe it's fantasy..that it's not really true. i have a highly developed denial side of myself. my friend tells me that if she manages to tear down 10 of my walls, i put up 50 new ones.

Hi riddle,
this sounds similar to my experience. My t hasn't officially diagnosed me, but she also uses the language of DID a lot; parts, dissociation, etc.. I also have had a very hard time accepting it. When I am out in the world I seem to be able to hide it well, or have good(?) coping strategies, so it feels hard to accept DID because I seem "normal" to myself. Lots of denial helps too.
When she first broached the issue I agreed, but that was in her office. Later I called her to try to deny what I had said in her office.

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say your story resonated with me.

atcf