Remorse - tw

How do you cope with knowing about all these things that you can prove you have done that you would NEVER do, and/or can hardly understand how it was possible to have done them? Do you block out knowledge of the past? That is how I cope personally. Unfortunately cannot maintain a stable life narrative or relationships at all and end up failing any commitments bc of this. I create commitments as one person that I cannot maintain as another person.

I do not have DID btw but do have many personalities that all feel like their own person and are very different from each other.

Interesting how you say you don't have DID but have many personalities who are different from one another as thats how we first saw ours.

Yup blocking out has been essential for us to survive. Those days when things are going round and round in our heads, worrying about what we have done or said, the only way we have found to stop them is to shut our brain down, sleep or block out with meds so that we forget (we know we're forgetting something but can't remember what and don't try)

lol this is not the same person as the op. Seee I know that, i know howit sounds but its me and i will remember but idc. hahhhhh im drinking thoughhhhh. im not gonna blame did lmao im just a bad person.

-- Tue Jan 14, 2014 5:37 pm --

debetoile wrote:Interesting how you say you don't have DID but have many personalities who are different from one another as thats how we first saw ours.

Yup blocking out has been essential for us to survive. Those days when things are going round and round in our heads, worrying about what we have done or said, the only way we have found to stop them is to shut our brain down, sleep or block out with meds so that we forget (we know we're forgetting something but can't remember what and don't try)

me tooi only selectively remember things.

Remorse.... thats a biggie.

For us , I decided that i did not believe in regreats when i was about 14/15. I kept to that until i was in my early 20's.

Not dealing with the things that i have done was the worse choice in the long run but the only tool i had to cope in the short term. I would not have survived without that choice.

The problems i have working with my insider's is that i dont want to deal with what they know and what they know I HAVE DONE.

Shame.........
Dose shame become remorse? I am ASHAMED of alot of my choice's but what i have learnt is to regret the bad choices but rejoice in the fact i have made a choice to stop the circle.

Remorse digs at the soul and hurts.
Deal with it before it festers and hurts you.
How to deal with it? thats a bigger topic but my partner taught me the most powerful way.
FORGIVE YOUR SELF.

We all screw up, mental health issues or not. Forgive your self, say sorry to those you have hurt and do your best not to repeat the same mistakes.

Have you heard of the AA commandments? I'll post the 12 commandments below. What i found was that most of them apply to life and making mistakes. I follow them. It helps to heal to have a guide to some parts of life!

1. Surrender. (Capitulation to hopelessness.)

2. Hope. (Step 2 is the mirror image or opposite of step 1. In step 1 we admit that alcohol is our higher power, and that our lives are unmanageable. In step 2, we find a different Higher Power who we hope will bring about a return to sanity in management of our lives.)

3. Commitment. (The key word in step 3 is decision.)

4. Honesty. (An inventory of self.)

5. Truth. (Candid confession to God and another human being.)

6. Willingness. (Choosing to abandon defects of character.)

7. Humility. (Standing naked before God, with nothing to hide, and asking that our flawsin His eyesbe removed.)

8. Reflection. (Who have we harmed? Are we ready to amend?)

9. Amendment. (Making direct amends/restitution/correction, etc..)

10. Vigilance. (Exercising self-discovery, honesty, abandonment, humility, reflection and amendment on a momentary, daily, and periodic basis.)

11. Attunement. (Becoming as one with our Father.)

12. Service. (Awakening into sober usefulness.)



Hope that helps

-- Wed Jan 15, 2014 12:40 am --

vertices wrote:lol this is not the same person as the op. Seee I know that, i know howit sounds but its me and i will remember but idc. hahhhhh im drinking thoughhhhh. im not gonna blame did lmao im just a bad person.

What makes you a bad person and who was it that decided to drink?
What is your name?
Do you only get to be you when you drink?

stay safe

riverside wrote:Remorse.... thats a biggie.

For us , I decided that i did not believe in regreats when i was about 14/15. I kept to that until i was in my early 20's.

Not dealing with the things that i have done was the worse choice in the long run but the only tool i had to cope in the short term. I would not have survived without that choice.

The problems i have working with my insider's is that i dont want to deal with what they know and what they know I HAVE DONE.

Shame.........
Dose shame become remorse? I am ASHAMED of alot of my choice's but what i have learnt is to regret the bad choices but rejoice in the fact i have made a choice to stop the circle.

Remorse digs at the soul and hurts.
Deal with it before it festers and hurts you.
How to deal with it? thats a bigger topic but my partner taught me the most powerful way.
FORGIVE YOUR SELF.

We all screw up, mental health issues or not. Forgive your self, say sorry to those you have hurt and do your best not to repeat the same mistakes.

Have you heard of the AA commandments? I'll post the 12 commandments below. What i found was that most of them apply to life and making mistakes. I follow them. It helps to heal to have a guide to some parts of life!

1. Surrender. (Capitulation to hopelessness.)

2. Hope. (Step 2 is the mirror image or opposite of step 1. In step 1 we admit that alcohol is our higher power, and that our lives are unmanageable. In step 2, we find a different Higher Power who we hope will bring about a return to sanity in management of our lives.)

3. Commitment. (The key word in step 3 is decision.)

4. Honesty. (An inventory of self.)

5. Truth. (Candid confession to God and another human being.)

6. Willingness. (Choosing to abandon defects of character.)

7. Humility. (Standing naked before God, with nothing to hide, and asking that our flawsin His eyesbe removed.)

8. Reflection. (Who have we harmed? Are we ready to amend?)

9. Amendment. (Making direct amends/restitution/correction, etc..)

10. Vigilance. (Exercising self-discovery, honesty, abandonment, humility, reflection and amendment on a momentary, daily, and periodic basis.)

11. Attunement. (Becoming as one with our Father.)

12. Service. (Awakening into sober usefulness.)



Hope that helps

-- Wed Jan 15, 2014 12:40 am --

vertices wrote:lol this is not the same person as the op. Seee I know that, i know howit sounds but its me and i will remember but idc. hahhhhh im drinking thoughhhhh. im not gonna blame did lmao im just a bad person.

What makes you a bad person and who was it that decided to drink?
What is your name?
Do you only get to be you when you drink?

stay safe

i am a bad person becUsse i hate people. lol. and i do bad things.

i decided to drink. rofl. quitting isnt worth it. btw i dont believe in god. or 12 step. same thing :p

-- Tue Jan 14, 2014 5:50 pm --

this is stupid, i shouldnt be posting right now. im not attention seeking. can someone ban me from the forums lol.

hi there

regarding god - me either

12 steps was ment to show your host that everything has a way, that was mine. She can find her own way that works for you all.

We know your not attention seeking. We thought you may be looking for help?

Hate dosent make you bad. who told you that?

You can ban your self but i dont think anyone here wants that. Post to your hearts content. If no one wants to read or reply they wont but i think they will.

take care of your self

riverside wrote:hi there

regarding god - me either

12 steps was ment to show your host that everything has a way, that was mine. She can find her own way that works for you all.

We know your not attention seeking. We thought you may be looking for help?

Hate dosent make you bad. who told you that?

You can ban your self but i dont think anyone here wants that. Post to your hearts content. If no one wants to read or reply they wont but i think they will.

take care of your self

lol you dont know the things ive done or the people ive been. im not gonna shoot myself i. the foot but its pretty ###$ up. im too good to be a human. and also too bad. :]

how do people even decide who they are anyway??????? its all #######4. likes. dislikes? favorites? hates? gender? sex? sexuality? values? beliefs? Culture? god i hate this stuff. everyone is so ######6 fake.

-- Tue Jan 14, 2014 6:41 pm --

riverside wrote:hi there

regarding god - me either

12 steps was ment to show your host that everything has a way, that was mine. She can find her own way that works for you all.

We know your not attention seeking. We thought you may be looking for help?

Hate dosent make you bad. who told you that?

You can ban your self but i dont think anyone here wants that. Post to your hearts content. If no one wants to read or reply they wont but i think they will.

take care of your self

i saw your blog about fire. ykniw whats funny? i watched ,y friends house burn down when i was 4. her parents died and she was taken away. they had a faulty fuse on their fan or something.this lufe is so stupid, do you even know how $#%^ it was for her? its like my friend M. her parents abandoned her for adoption. she grew up being raped in russia then some guy broughht her to america. she never was ok. makes me sound ridic for having problems right? lol. i had a daddy. but i wanna ###$ him.

ok. im gonna sleep or smth. im so annoying.

Yeah... I'm still a little drunk even and now it's like, oh god, what did I say last night?? I'm really sorry. I don't have an excuse because I posted earlier knowing it would be like this, here and elsewhere, but I just felt SO different.

riverside wrote:hi there

regarding god - me either

12 steps was ment to show your host that everything has a way, that was mine. She can find her own way that works for you all.

We know your not attention seeking. We thought you may be looking for help?

Hate dosent make you bad. who told you that?

You can ban your self but i dont think anyone here wants that. Post to your hearts content. If no one wants to read or reply they wont but i think they will.

take care of your self

Thank you for your posts. I'm sorry again I understand your points about shame and forgiving yourself, a lot. I'm glad you could find it in you to forgive yourself. Thank you for that. Going to have to work on that right now even, especially because I just keep screwing up and never feel the same about it. I was feeling very narcissistic last night. Which is not usually how I feel, but I was alone in a place I am not used to being, maybe that contributed. ----and let me be clear, that is NOT an excuse. I don't think that makes it okay but I also frequently feel out of control---- I binged so bad too last night... ugh, back on the wagon now I guess.

And officially to anyone who hasn't read my earlier posts yet, sorry apparently I already can't edit them, and they could be very triggering.

-- Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:49 pm --

debetoile wrote:Interesting how you say you don't have DID but have many personalities who are different from one another as thats how we first saw ours.

Yup blocking out has been essential for us to survive. Those days when things are going round and round in our heads, worrying about what we have done or said, the only way we have found to stop them is to shut our brain down, sleep or block out with meds so that we forget (we know we're forgetting something but can't remember what and don't try)

It's hard to explain, but, to me the major point is I don't have full amnesia almost ever, A part of me is aware that I'm doing things that are not like me, which covers a full range of human behaviors, but I feel the urge to do it when I didn't before, and I also feel convinced that it is how I truly feel and before I was just faking whatever I felt.

I hear you about those days. Especially sleeping to block it out. Thank you for your input on this. =')