introduction

possibly triggering - I don't know really because i'm new here. I talk about being diagnosed and a recent abusive memory I recovered last night.

I was diagnosed DID in 2002. I denied it all after 2 years of treatment and sold my house, quit my job and started a new life in a new city. I give differnt excuses as to why that happened as an explaniation to others for the bizzar decisions and actions. I got pregnant a couple times while I was in denial. I even thought my therapist should be sued for giving me this diagnosis because it was so distressing. What are the chances I would be paired with a therapist who worked on the same treatment team as Sybil's treating psychologist. I used this as a rationale to disregard everhthing. I was thinking she was just seeing this disorder in everybody. I didn't consider that perhapse she was skilled in recognizing it. She noticed I dissociated almost immediately in our sessions. I never denied dissociation, only DID.

Then my life became extremely chaotic in spurts. I sought help and nobody could help me. I had an episode of complete loss of time that I attributed to a possible seizure. most of my amnesia is mild. Such as I remember conversations with people, but I forget certain aspects of them, especially when they pertain to personal adult business, such as taxes, or mail, bills etc... I lose my bills, traffic tickets, court orders, child support paperwork...list goes on....

So I begain to entertain the thought of DID last month and it all fell into place. I called my old therapist up and told her of another therapist's diagnosis of bipolar II. She insisted i did not have bipolar. She reminded me of the amnesia and for the past month I cannot deny it. It makes perfect sense to me now. I am acknowledging all my parts that I had previously identified a decade ago and had become co-consciousness to some degree. I never did name them. now I have given them screen names they had acquired on their own over the years. Godswill, gypsy, steven lady, forever21, STA. There may be a couple under STA and Steven Lady categories.

Now i'm feeling so alone with this Disorder because it isn't really accepted and I can't talk to family about it. That didn't go over well a decade ago.

trigger - verbal abuse and neglect

I was about 3 years old, possibly closer to 4 but definately 3. My older brother and sister threatened to run away and I parroted them. My parents tried to teach me a lesson I suppose. They packed a suitcaes and told me to leave the house. They said, you want to run away, fine, go. I began crying because I didn't want to go, but they insisted. They had a cold uncaring look on their face. My mom had a smirk like she was enjoying it. I begged to stay and they were insisting I leave. They said they had even packed food for me. I was confused, devastated, scared, sad. My chest was heavy and i felt sick to my stomach. They pushed me over the threshold of the front door and out of the house. I have no further memory. They suck!

end of trigger -

Safe hugs for the memory. Welcome, I'm glad you're finally starting to accept that you may have DID. It's the first yet scary step, something which is so confusing that really can't be happening to you because things like that don't. I think everyone on here knows the loneliness you speak of. It's like a big secret, a major part of your life that you just can't tell anyone about because they may not understand, laugh at you etc.

Come chat on here, tell us what is going on and I hope you will start to feel less alone

I'm glad to see you posting here. It can be so difficult to accept a diagnosis like DID. Know that there is a great, supportive community here that listens and that does it best to help and understand