Doubt

Well, to make a long story short, i'm really starting to doubt my having DID. I feel like an idiot for it too. I guess what made it more doubtful was when i told a really supportive friend, and they basically told me it was ridiculous and that almost no one has DID and it's really rare, and her intelligent mental-health nurse aunt said the same. And basically said i probably just have BPD and that i'm making up Duke to have someone to blame other than myself on things. Also that if i had DID, my alter wouldn't be able to communicate through one medium but not another, essentially. ( i was writing on paper to my friend to tell her about the DID which was hard, to try to bypass Duke so he wouldn't be triggered, but it started to fall through so i switched to the computer and we im'd next to each other which worked better.)

So i don't know. I usually take what other's say with a grain of salt but i guess this was such a different reaction than normal, and the points they make do make sense i guess. I mean, it's so rare, than why would i have it? How would all of us? And i feel like an idiot even ever thinking i could have had it, and even worse now knowing my friend and her aunt know i'm that moronic. Besides, Duke hasn't 'surfaced' in forever, ever since i left my last job where he showed up at a lot.

Think about this...

If it's rare, then it exists.
If it exists, there is a chance you have it.

If you literally have to go out of your way to bypass an aspect of yourself (even if you think you made them up) you're still trying to go behind your selves back.

If you are bipolar, why are you trying to go behind your own back?

If your friend's nurse said it was rare, yet denies its existence because it's rare, that means in her mind it does not exist. Which negates the definition of rare.

Also nurses do not specialize in psychiatry or psychology. Asking a nurse about an atypical mental condition is similar to asking an air conditioning technician how to fix your car.

Or asking a computer science major to paint a picture.
Completely irrelevant information. Not only that, it's those who claim intelligence that lack it. Because if you were intelligent you wouldnt need to assert that you have it.

Lets say that something is rare, and is a one in a million chance. Lets use the lottery as an example. A hundred thousand people buy a lottery ticket.... some buy more than one. But each ticket has the same chance of hitting the jackpot as every other ticket. And there are only two options, you win or lose. It's the same with DID. Everyone has an equal ticket, and some people have more than one ticket, leading to a higher chance of winning. But each ticket has the same chances as the others. So, you have a chance at having DID. And nothing should be ruled out based on "rarity".

If there is only one lion in detroit, there is still a lion in detroit.
/logic

DID isn't rare at all. Can't remember exactly what statistics I found now, whether it's on the dissociation scale/Dissociative disorder or something, it's estimated that 1-3% (or was it 5%) have it. When I think back to my junior school, there were 300 people. At least 3 of them would have it, and therefore I wasn't the only one at my school with it. Something like 70% of inpatients in mental health wards have DID, again can't remember the exact statistic but it was a high number like that.

In fact I spent so long on here at one point of my life that DID became normal, like everyone has it and therefore everyone should know about it....I recon a lot of people just choose/ don't want to accept that it can happen and that it could happen to someone they know. Before I had it, I was certainly one of those 'it will never happen to me' in a lot of instances... but things happen to some people, so some people will be those that it happens to (whether talking about DID, catching the flu, getting pulled over by the police etc). For example when I told my sister I have DID she was still saying that our past was normal because she kept getting told that all families have their issues. It took me explaining that DID comes from severe abuse for her to realise that our past wasn't good and wasn't normal.

-- Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:41 pm --

Oh, and someone (or some people) on here often say that if you believe you have DID 100% of the time, then you don't. Because you doubt it, it means that you spend longer searching for the truth, trying to prove and disprove it's existence. I feel it's a stage we all need to go through before we can truly accept ourselves and the fact that we have DID. (Note: I can't comment personally and say you do or don't have it, just comment generally. I just get annoyed when closed minded people who have no experience of DID, tell people that they don't have it, or it doesn't exist).

Have a thought - many years ago people didn't think that atoms existed because they had never seen them. It took a special group of people who were open to the possibility of it's existence to be able to see them and then prove their existence. It feels the same way with DID.

tragic guardian wrote:Well, to make a long story short, i'm really starting to doubt my having DID.

That's denial, and it is normal for someone with DID. Very normal. Have you been formally diagnosed by a mental health professional?

tragic guardian wrote:i told a really supportive friend, and they basically told me it was ridiculous and that almost no one has DID and it's really rare

It is not rare. It sounds like your friend also has problems with denial.

tragic guardian wrote:if i had DID, my alter wouldn't be able to communicate through one medium but not another

This hypothesis is easily falsified. It is very common for alters to be able to communicate in one medium but not in another. That is why so many of us host alters discover our others by reading what they have been texting or posting online or writing and drawing in a notebook or on the bathroom mirror.

tragic guardian wrote:Duke hasn't 'surfaced' in forever, ever since i left my last job where he showed up at a lot.

This is normal. My Alter 2 is activated mostly at work, in certain situations that occur there.

@zrcalo: That's true. I guess it's hard to imagine that i'd be some 'special' enough to have something rare, even if it's a more negative thing.

And well, i guess the best way to explain it with her is that, first off, she clearly has problems herself, but for whatever reason won't go to a therapist, even though she needs it. But basically she has it in her mind recently that i'm this ultra-selfish person that only thinks of myself (though in reality, some of her 'examples' are things they *Everyone* does, not just 'selfish people'. I think this is just part of her own problems, where she super-analyses people to the point that she's practically making up things about them, though at the same time, ironically, ignoring her own problems. But i guess she basically managed to twist my simple mention of possible DID into me just using it as a selfish excuse somehow.

Yeah i wondered the same thing. And if it were 'borderline personality disorder' and just me making up having an alter so i can blame things on him (which he doesn't only have negative traits, he has positive ones too so i don't see how that would even fit into her delusion), why wouldn't i know that i made it up? Which i told her, and she didn't have much to say about it. Though she could just think i'm just 'being selfish' again and just lying to her. Who knows.

And yeah, i mean her aunt is definitely really intelligent and good at those things. But at the same time, she basically would be going by only what my friend told her, which was no doubt just full of lies and her delusional view of how i am. Ugh.


Note: I meant borderline personality disorder, not bipolar, sorry.

@debtoile: That's interesting. I don't doubt you, but i wonder why so many sources and such say it is rare? At least from what i heard. Though i'd more believe that it's not as rare, as you say.

Yeah i'll believe that, a sort of 'denial stage' is common for many things, no doubt.

@una+: Yeah, true. Though it's like, am i just subconsciously doubting it because that would make it seem more true that i have it? It's a conundrum haha, so confusing. And no i haven't. I've mentioned it to my main therapist a bit, though he said i'd have to see a specialist for something like that. So haven't really gotten that far. Mostly financial reasons, but also just worry, and embarrassment i guess.

Yes i've thought she definitely does. I think it's partly her need for attention. Because god forbid someone else have something so different and interesting as DID. =/ But what can i say? Besides, i'm the opposite of confrontational basically, and she's very confrontational so it's hard for me to try to get a word in without being nervous and such.

I agree with that. I'm sure her 'theory' about the mediums is just made up in her head. At that point, was just trying to find excuses to 'debunk' my theory about DID so that one sounded unlikely and just decided in her mind it must be made up.

Ok that's good to know haha. It does seem he only showed up under certain circumstances that haven't quite been reproduced since then.

Thanks all for the help so far. Also could use some advice on how to handle this with her. I'm thinking basically for now i won't even bring it up again, and hope she doesn't, and go to the specialist and she what happens from there.

Yeah, probably the best way for dealing with a person who doesnt believe people have mental disorders is to equate it to telling a person with cancer to "walk it off".

Also probably next time you see her, tilt your head and look at her funny then ask her if she's okay, or if something's wrong because she's acting "erratically". And just keep pressing.. because something's definitely off with her.

Your friend is an idiot for speaking to you that way. Ditch them, their toxic. No friend would throw you into chaos like that and call you names just because you tell them something they don't "believe" or know jack s**t about. -Night

Yeah well we've butted heads before. We really are good friends, but we both have demons and problems we have to deal with, and we both know that. But the thing is, she needs to try to fix things on her end and keep with what we said we needed to do. I think it's part of her fear or embarrassment, to get help.

I think everyone with any kind of mental illness denys or doubts it at times, that's not unusual at all. I often worry that maybe I'm making it all up, that I'm just pretending, especially when the other parts are quiet, particularly because they don't usually take full control. This is especially true when people deny that I could have it.

I think it's pretty common to be in denyal, for both the person who has something and those they tell- probly those they tell moreso. I have one friend that doesn't really believe I have anything, at least not initially. I haven't told him about the dissociative stuff, just my bipolar- which he initially denyed I had. My beast friend! (He's a psych major and when it comes to psych issues can get a little big-headed). I think he's slowly accepting it, now that we live together (with another friend) and can more obviously see the bipolar, but the dissociative stuff is a bit harder to see in most cases so if I told him that he'd definitely deny it. My parents, too, reacted similarly. But you don't need to doubt yourself just because someone else does; they don't know you as well as you know yourself.