Wasted all this time? Continue therapy?

Our shrink is responsible for our treatments at the facility we're at.
So I got this new t. But the shrink didn't even know it. He also didn't know that I have been getting music therapy for the past 1.5 years. My previous precious t who retired, tried to get me to open up about the system. Tried to help me be open about the DID. I have tried for years to get them to believe me that I have DID and they never did except for her. She did believe us cause she saw us and knew us. But I still had big trouble being open about the DID cause they didn't believe me and they even laughed at me and got mad at me for so long before I got her. So basically I tried with my old t to be open about DID for 2 years, and it was slowly working despite of all the reasons I have to hide it from them, and then she leaves.
But now it seems that either she or my shrink, Still labeled me BPD even though she tried to get me to accept the DID label. We are so very incredibly sad about our t leaving the littles cry every day and it's been 2 months now.
Our new t is pregnant (the shrink also didn't know that) even though the only thing I asked my old t was to give me someone who wont go away cause I can't deal with this. So I don't know if I should still believe that anything about my old t was real cause everything seems like a big lie now, the dx (and all the conversations about it) and the request both. They are going to start me on a course to learn how to deal with hearing voices, and a BPD skilltraining even though I really don't have BPD and have already completed this training 4 years ago which they know.
At first the shrink even wanted to kick me out of therapy because I have so much trouble opening up. I am too scared to tell them that this is because of the way they treated me so I guess they think I lack some intelligence to do this therapy.
What do we do now? We don't have money for a private t but I can't take this anymore and there's no other facility around here. I can't even deal with how much we miss my old t, but all of this I just really dont need it on top of it. Why would she give us a pregnant t if I asked her to give me someone who wont go away, and why would she try to get me to talk about and accept DID dx if it's not even on paper ( or the shrink deliberately didn't mention it) ? I don't know if we should miss or praise her or if she was one big fat lie and I am losing all the ground that we tried so hard to build for the past 2 years. We are back to our old host (a male protector) and more depressed than ever. It just can't be possible that she would dx me BPD after all the things she saw and knows. Maybe she could dx me BPD but the DID should definitely be in there too.
The shrink and my old t both were really surprised at my capability to feel the loss of the t. Which just ultimately proves to me that they don't know me at all cause duh I feel that loss. Why would I even continue therapy if I wouldn't be able to feel attachment? I was so very disappointed when our old t said that cause I surely thought she knew me better than wondering if I can feel attachments. I am so lost.

I don't even think I could admit that she was a lie but I just really don't understand this whole thing. I don't think that staying at this facility will help me much, from the looks of it they are only making it much worse consistently, but I also really fear what kind of life we would have without therapy. Even just the fact that my t left is enough to make us suicidal like never before. I never even knew how alone I was until I had her and now that I lost her I do know how alone I am. The shrink told me to hold on to the t's good things but how can I do that if they're simultaneously dismissing them? I can barely remember her face now cause it hurts too much if I do. They're really effing me up. Help us please

I'm very sorry to hear this.

Is there any way for your to contact your old T? There is nothing wrong with calling and asking for clarification on the topic of diagnosis for instance. You are in your right to call her and ask her that, even if she no longer works for you. If you can't, requesting your records can help as you will see yourself what they say.

I hope you figure this out.

it is so crap that you are going through all this - you seem totally stressed out your wits and rightly so.

What lifelongthing said it toally right - i've been through the ropes with t's and know that all this you are intitled to private or state.

Your medical recordes should include all the notes made during your session - ALL the notes your t made , for EVERY session. These would be evidence of the dx that she made.

I cant blame you for feeling how you are - no one should be treated this way.

Do you have any one in your life that could act as an advocate for you? I'm thinking this in terms of getting someone to contact the apropriate management of these people.... write a complaint letter to the top dogs NOT YOUT OR PSYC- there bosses. You are intitled to better care. You are intitled to be treated as a person.

To threaten you with being kicked out is totally unprofessional - obviouslly you have been in t because of complex reasons and anyone in your position should not be 'threatened' with abandoment.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - kick there back sides, if you dont feel up to it give me there blinking number! lol . In all seriousnes get a SO to get formal and DEMAND the things your are intitled to
DUTY OF CARE is 101 and your not getting it.

i hope you are hanging tuff. Give your littles lots of TLC, infact all of you.

I feel so incredibly blessed with a therapist who believes DID exists and who is willing to work with me. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. *hug* you have all my sympathy.

Well I'm confused.
We talked to the new t and told her like everything. Now I'm scared cause she's going to discuss it with the shrink.. Sigh I don't think we should have done that but it happened automatically. The shrink is the new t's boss so I'm not sure if this was a good move at all.. I should have known to be cautious when I noticed that I asked for coffee instead of tea cause I know that he always wants coffee while I can't drink coffee on the road cause it makes me motion sick. But I guess something had to happen so we'll see how this turns out. Maybe it's good cause if it's up to me I wouldn't talk about it at all.
Turns out that my old t was her own boss which is also why the shrink didn't know anything about the past 2 years. So now it seems worse cause now I'm back under his care..
Anyway she does call us alter egos and asked all the right questions. I guess we'll have to wait for the shrink's reaction now and to see how therapy will develop with the new t.
I wont ever see my old t again and honestly I don't think I even want to read what they wrote about me in all those years if even the treatment supervisor laughs at me in my face lol.
If things don't work out with this new t I'm leaving the facility and I'll wait until after I move (or have enough money to find private t) to find new therapy elsewhere.
Nothing seems to help take the pain from her absence away for long though. I am already sad about her leaving but littles' pain is much worse. The one who feels the pain worst has never been abandoned before. For this reason, I decided to just go ahead and do the bpd training again. Maybe it will help me and/or the others to learn how to deal with their emotions too. I just don't understand why humans are supposed to suffer like this. Life was much easier before I felt things and I keep thinking the only good thing would be to have the emotions go away but I guess that's not true at all.
Anyway just wanted to say thanks for replying and for confirming that this isn't right at all.
We have no other option besides hanging tuff, thanks

TheCollective wrote:I am already sad about her leaving but littles' pain is much worse. The one who feels the pain worst has never been abandoned before.

Do you realize that you have the power to console your little?

For me the best time is in bed at night before sleep. That is when I can access my insiders most easily, and I am able to hold and talk to the ones who are hurting. Then I share their thoughts, empathize with their feelings. Sometimes their thoughts are distorted and I can offer a new and perhaps more reality-based thought. Often this brings new feelings and helps to release the old, painful feelings.

Could you write a letter for the little to your old T? This may also be healing for your little.

I'm sorry una we tried to reply to this for hours but we can't get it straight, we can't even stay off each other's backs.
I don't know what we would write in the letter for the same reason, tried that many times, but would be willing to try again if I knew how to get it straight.
I don't know how to comfort her. All we ever do is make it worse if we try. Kids can be very certain about what they want. Explaining to her why everything about the therapist was just her job isn't helping.. The new t is the type of woman we're very afraid of so that's not comforting and it doesn't help that the new t keeps saying that she's not old t, explaining that she doesn't have to talk to the woman isn't comforting cause she was chronically alone before old t, we can't spend idk how much money trying to find 'bandages', nobody in our surroundings understands, I just don't know what else to do. Just 4 months ago (according to our journal) our old t promised us that she would be there for us, and naive children who have never had a bad thing happen to them believe such things. She felt truly safe with her and trusted her and it all turns out to be a lie. Everything we like falls apart. My migraines are back like the good old days, daily and complete with the nausea etc, and I haven't had a real migraine like that in all the time I was with t. My violin skills have dropped back at least a year and the depressions are back too. T was our backbone much more than I was aware of. I don't think I'll ever fall for this deception again. At this point I wish I never would have found out about the DID. My life is going to waste.

Hi.

How are you doing with this now? Are you finding any healing with this?

Thinking of you (all).

Well.. Thank you for asking.

With new t I can't say therapy is helpful at least not yet.
But I've always been our own best help. I was well on my way to healing before we ever had old t, and I don't see why I couldn't continue that.
I'm still doing my own healing but I'm getting better at it, and old t helped some. I'd rather be damned than just give up because of the lack of help and this is coming from deep within.
It's making me stronger. Yes, it is. Might even say A lot stronger. Reading a good book too, I would love to give the title but that's not okay for now. Important thing is that it's a very empowering and quite informative book, given to me by old t. I am doing much better. I decided that we're going to 'get better' no matter how. It's about seeing that this is your life. Weird if said like this because when you first confront things like DID you can't imagine, that being multiple is a way of life. Sometimes I forget my own power, but now I remember. In short, I don't really think I need therapy to help me. It's a shame that we couldn't reach this stage of being while old t was still here, because now we do want to talk about all the things, but maybe it's also meant to be like this. She's been important either way because this whole thing made the collective stronger and that is what we want to achieve.
Just, thanks

I'm glad you're finding strength and healing
Thank you for the update