Help with my system - new information

Lately I've been hearing about a part who controls a lot of what happens, although I'm not sure how much control he has vs how much fear he instills into some younger parts.
Anyhow, I've recently become aware of a few things. First, our inside world has a crow's nest where parts can linger and watch the happenings of everyday life. This kind of explains the intolerable amount of derealization and 3rd person viewpoints I have.
Also, it seems that this controlling part looks a lot like a tyrannical Sea Captain. Who sits in the glassed crows nest and watches incessantly.
Can this even be real?! I really struggle with feeling like I make this stuff up . . . I'm sure I'm not alone here, but really! A sea Captain? ugh. if you have any advice or encouragement, I'm desperate for it.

It might sound bizzare, but it makes sense to me. Inner world's dont have to be reflections of reality. Our second level is very heavily fantasy influenced and one of the Watchers is a sentient sword named Darkscale. To us, we realize it formed like this because we created it as children, and children are very often fantasy prone, and the real world was a very scary place for us, so it makes sense we'd make a place that didn't mirror reality.

Familyof3 wrote:To us, we realize it formed like this because we created it as children, and children are very often fantasy prone, and the real world was a very scary place for us, so it makes sense we'd make a place that didn't mirror reality.

This is a very astute point, Familyof3. Children do not make the same kinds of distinctions that adults do about what's acceptible or not as "reality." Little John often carries around stuffed animals. He knows they're not technically alive, not like people, if you were to ask him, but they're his friends and he treats them as beings, making sure they're warm and cozy. They are very real to him.

My adult part of my mind, over-committed to what is rational as it is, can get embarrassed or annoyed. But I have co-experienced the terror most of the littles have felt so creating a place to escape to makes more sense to me as an adult than the nasty realities we experienced as a child. My advice, Fracturedself, is to be thankful your mind was so creative as a child.

When I began work with EMDR therapy over a year ago, part of the process was creating a safe place for us, especially the littles. We had never created a detailed inner space in childhood that became permanent because abuse was more sporadic than continual. The safe place my littles wanted...a pirate ship! And an important part of that were two crow's nests so that we could see bad people coming from any direction when they were still far away so we had time to escape. Cannons too, of course.

hi,
I am new here...after yrs of experiencing the symptoms n not connecting them to what they were and keeping what I was going through a secret because of shame and embarrssment I finally spilled the beans and got the label of depersonalization. what I experience is in a post I made a couple days ago if I interested In reading n commenting I would be grateful for any input... I dont know for sure ..as I dont have a lot of memories throughout most of my life , but I am pretty sure I do not have the multiple personality traits asscoiated with DID.... but I been reading different threads and I am very interested and curious... also I saw you post that your going through emdr and I am supposed to start next month... what I am curious about and dont fully understand is that for those of you that have multiple personalities...I thought that people , well the main or the host personality, did not know that the other personalities existed? I mean that ..when an alter comes out and is living through you ..I thought that you basically blacked out during that time...and did things or said things that later someone mentioned and you had no reccollection of having done these things? isnt that part of the diagnostic criteria that first raised red flags n eventually led to the diagnosis? so I dont understand how youre able to identify the differnt personalities, genders, ages, what they look like , and even how many you have? or what they are doing when they surface ( like you said one of them likes to carry teddy bears and keep them warm and cozy, and that the littles agreed they wanted the safe place to be a pirate ship)..how do you know these things? and how are several diffrent personalities able to surface at once and be able to make decisions together..or communicate with one another? I ask because I am confused and have a genuine desire to learn and understand more.
and the emdr...is it helping you? how do you handle visualizing and remembering in vivid detail different events that were so traumatic to you as a child? for me..when I have flash backs...might as well be open I guess, they are usually of the first event that destroyed me....and for some reason even though it was certainly not the last time or person to destroy even more of me, he seems to be the one who did the most damage and the flash backs are always him. I was 5. pretty much the only time I have a flash back..is at random times I am trying to be intimate with my bf. I see his face. my first abusers...and I start breathing rapidly, I start gagging and almost throw up. did one time only yrs ago.. and hear beat fast..so I stop what im doing n breathe deep till its over n I carry on. I really do not like when it happens. I get anxious and depressed...and it is somewhat of an issue for my bf too.. im not sure how I will handle intentionallly putting myself back there over and over again in therapy and really dont understand how its going to be possible for me to try and put some kind of positive association with these memories to reprogram my thought process.. how is that possible? and last question. I feel stupid asking and telling someone I do this but its anonymous so hell y not.....I spend a good portion of my day being a baby. I mean with my boyfriend and in my home, I talk like a baby I act like a baby ( well lets say a small child ...maybe a 4 yr old) I submitt to him ..like asking permission to do certain things... I try not to say swear words cuz little kids arent allowed...etc. .is it possible that it is in fact another personality ? or just me being dumb.? I am always aware of what I am doing and can recall it later no problems. that is why I ask about you can recall the actions of your others.
please if you think im an idiot or something negative , if it must be said at all id prefer it in a private message. thanks

"I thought that people , well the main or the host personality, did not know that the other personalities existed?"

for a while sure, but afterwards the personalities turn around and look at each other and talk, even co-host.

It's kinda like this... host lives in a house, personality 1 lives in a different house, personality 2 lives in a different house. When the host goes off to work, personality 1 enters the hosts' house and thinks its their second home. Then they rant and rave over who moved their flower vase and maybe they get paranoid that someone's been in their "home" even though it's not their house. While personality 2 may not even know these guys at all.

Going to therapy is like getting the paranoid guy to realize that someone else lives there and he needs to stop moving their stuff around. And then the host comes home and stares at him and wonders why there's a guy in his house. And then personality 2 is like "I dont know either of these guys. what's going on". Then through the course of therapy they all become roomates and talk to each other. Like, if the sink is broken, personality 1 will go and tell the host "hey the sink's broken". And the host's memory would be of personality 1 telling him the sink is broken. And personality 1's memory would be of a sink spewing water everywhere.

thats how things get done.

zrcalo wrote:"I thought that people , well the main or the host personality, did not know that the other personalities existed?"

It makes me f**king rage when people say this to us. People need to educate themselves, or listen to the people who know what they're talking about and learn about it before making comments about stuff they have no idea about.

Not everyone in a system knows about each other, but it's totally normal to know about some people, or sometimes even all depending on communication levels. People saying this to us has caused us so much denial.

Just clarifying, I'm not raging at anyone in this thread or whoever said that in here, just at the general statement when it is said to us. Just clearing that up. -Night

Familyof3 wrote:

zrcalo wrote:"I thought that people , well the main or the host personality, did not know that the other personalities existed?"

It makes me f**king rage when people say this to us. People need to educate themselves, or listen to the people who know what they're talking about and learn about it before making comments about stuff they have no idea about.

Not everyone in a system knows about each other, but it's totally normal to know about some people, or sometimes even all depending on communication levels. People saying this to us has caused us so much denial.

Just clarifying, I'm not raging at anyone in this thread or whoever said that in here, just at the general statement when it is said to us. Just clearing that up. -Night

Usually what happens to me is...
>hey you sure you have that diagnosis.. I heard that blah blah blah.
>X: well... hrm.. I guess you could be right... maybe I'm making up thes-
>Serev: BITCH. I EXIST.

but on a less funny note, usually when people say these things it causes a really bad chain reaction of paranoia, disbelief, fear, and withdrawl.
Not because I am angry that they said I didnt have something, but because I get paranoid "what if I'm lying to myself?" "what if this isnt real?" "what if everyone in my head isnt real?" "what if I'm not real?" "what am I?" "why cant I function in society?" "what's wrong with me?" etc etc etc...

wow...!?!? ♡

first of all since you quoted me , its obvious who the one who said it was..and its no.problem for you to go ahead and address me by name...second I did not "say" anything..the sentence ended with a question mark and that implies a question not a statement
you said your not raging on anyone? ( I think thats how u worded it) then why are you swearing and assumuming that I have NOT educated myself on the subject??? the reason I camr to this forum , if you took the time to read past the one questiion that set you off. is because I am recently diagosed with DID..the symptoms mostly being of depersonalization and I am concerned that I may or may not have an alter in me..which i stated as well pretty clearly. hence my reson for the question which I also made clear was a question of genuine thirst for knowlege and clarification because if my situation is that of MPD I am confused be cause I am aware and remember all of what is said and done during the time I am not "myself".
I did extensive reading on the subject but it wasnt till last night I found documentation that explained how they all interact and communicate with each other
and you say that people who want to learn about and understand this diagnosis should not only educate themselves they should talk to people who actually live it before making a "comment" like this?? well I already repeated that it was a question and correct me if I am wrong but I came to a public forum and into the DID section to talk to people who live with the disorder and further educate myself....am I not doing EXACTLY what you said I should do???
I am a person with a fee differnt mental health diagnoses ..I am also a person who did volunteer work ..in depth ...with mentally and emotionally disturbed children and their parents...
for 6 yrs.
I am very well versed and very much educated in the mental health field and am very well versed on the dsm in regard to most diagnoses without having to open it up and recheck my accuacy.
so I apologize if what I asked in order to better educate myself with people who suffer from this and are here to not only get support but offer it...offended and pissed you off so bad
way to welcome someone who is also scared suffering and in need of education on a new diagnosis , to a SUPPORT group!
big round of applause to you

-- Sun Jan 05, 2014 1:11 pm --

zcarlo I forgot to thank you for actually reading my whole post and explaining it to me. u made great examples for me to use...and I completely underststand how people in society who are completely ignorant to mental health issues as a whole can make u question your self and your sanity. I too often wonder what the hell is wrong with my and why I cant be "normal " by societies standards ..and sometimss wonder if any of all of this world we live in is real..sometimes I feel so strongly that I am floating on a cloud..that I get nautious from the movement..when im sitting perfectly still on my bed...

sexi_lil_mama86 wrote:and its no.problem for you to go ahead and address me by name...second I did not "say" anything..the sentence ended with a question mark and that implies a question not a statement
you said your not raging on anyone? ( I think thats how u worded it) then why are you swearing and assumuming that I have NOT educated myself on the subject??? the reason I camr to this forum , if you took the time to read past the one questiion that set you off. is because I am recently diagosed with DID..the symptoms mostly being of depersonalization and I am concerned that I may or may not have an alter in me..which i stated as well pretty clearly. hence my reson for the question which I also made clear was a question of genuine thirst for knowlege and clarification because if my situation is that of MPD I am confused be cause I am aware and remember all of what is said and done during the time I am not "myself".

Dude, my post wasn't about you, it was about that statement in general, I don't care that you said it. It had nothing to do with you. I was just stating that when PEOPLE IN GENERAL say that TO ME, that it bothers me. Your post wasn't directed at me so I don't give a flying f**k. And I swear because I like it. -Night

-- Sun Jan 05, 2014 10:04 pm --

Familyof3 wrote:Just clarifying, I'm not raging at anyone in this thread or whoever said that in here, just at the general statement when it is said to us. Just clearing that up. -Night[/color]

How was this not understood?

I am definitely not here to argue. so I will just say thank you for clarifying that for me...hopefully since you directly quoted what I asked word for word as being what "******" rages u...u hopefully can understand how I could think your Anger was directed at me and my question...and I understood your last comment perfectly well but it was contradictory to the rest of your comment so it wasnt real believable to me...that would be like me going on a rant to a mistress about how much I hate women who sleep with married men and a list of reasons why...and then saying after I finished " but its not like I am judging you or anything" lol...so...sorry. ( btw..its just an example..I do not have an opinion good or bad about women sleeping with married men)
thanks