Unsure

*trigger warning for sexual content*

- feel like another person during sex
- when it's over I have an overwhelming feeling of me coming back into reality and cry a lot. Sometimes for hrs. I will instantly roll over and tears will roll down my face. I can't speak, move or look at my partner.
- What makes things worse is that he thinks I'm giving him the cold shoulder or being a bitch and will leave the room, when the only thing I want is to be held to sleep or until I stop crying.
- I don't really remember what I'm like or feeling during sex. It's like I'm asleep and someone else has taken over.
- if I don't orgasm I become frustrated, angry and cry. I'll also hold a grudge if he cums first and won't finish with me. I feel like he's being a selfish @@@@@@@.
- I crave odd sexual favours e.g. Being beat and thrown around, crave for him to be aggressive toward me.
But this actually makes me orgasm.
If he wants to be romantic I won't even bother trying to orgasm. I'll go through with the sex, pretending to be interested so it's done.
I also get bored.
- I have weird sexual fantasies that I block out from my head after I've been thinking about them, so that I forget how ###$ my thoughts are.
- Ever since I was a child. I was extremely sexual. I would make other children kiss me, touch me and I'd do the same to them. I was touching myself from a young age, fantasising about teachers and other students from school. Boys or girls.
- If I want sex and my partner doesn't want to I'll get really mean and practically force it until I get what I want. I feel myself change from rejection and become aggressive and abusive.
- I also cry if I don't get the sex that I want.
- If my partner wants sex I will not want it at all. Sometimes I'll feel bad and give in but cry because I automatically feel as if he didn't respect me saying no, then I begin to feel used.
- Sometimes I look at people and have the urge to start just having sex with them. But I stop myself cause that would just be rape.
- Someone has claimed that I have raped them but they just talk $#%^ because he asked for it while he was intoxicated and I was obsessively in love and attracted to him.
- I am suicidal, diagnosed with depression and am on antidepressants so I'm not as psycho but when I forget to take my meds I become that person again.
It's actually the most annoying $#%^. I try to talk to my drs about this but I forget how to explain it so they don't bother listening. They try and tell me I'm just trying to find my sexuality..? I've been sexually active for 6 yrs, I think I would know my sexuality by now. I know my heads messed up and I don't think I have just depression, I do get depressed, but I know depressions just a dot point of what's wrong with me.

Hello there-

-trigger warning talk about sexual abuse and sex -

Think it would be helpful for you to explain this to a psychologist or doctor. I'm sorry no one listened to you. As a person who has been sexually abused as a child, I can relate to some of what you share.

feel like another person during sex

This is definitely true for me as I have sex alters who are the parts of me who deal with sexual matters.

-

I don't really remember what I'm like or feeling during sex. It's like I'm asleep and someone else has taken over.

I have been asleep and then woke up and was having sex. I have come to understand that I dissociate during sex and /or I switch into an alter who has sex. There may be a dissociative element to what you are describing.

These are very troubling issues to sort through. I hope you can find a therapist who can help you make sense of what is happening with you.

Xxoo

Illminded wrote:*trigger warning for sexual content*

- feel like another person during sex
- when it's over I have an overwhelming feeling of me coming back into reality and cry a lot. Sometimes for hrs. I will instantly roll over and tears will roll down my face. I can't speak, move or look at my partner.
- What makes things worse is that he thinks I'm giving him the cold shoulder or being a bitch and will leave the room, when the only thing I want is to be held to sleep or until I stop crying.
- I don't really remember what I'm like or feeling during sex. It's like I'm asleep and someone else has taken over.
- If my partner wants sex I will not want it at all. Sometimes I'll feel bad and give in but cry because I automatically feel as if he didn't respect me saying no, then I begin to feel used.

I can relate to this so well.
You're not alone.

hi there

I wanted to say the same as other replies that i to can understand what you are saying from a personal point.

Being heard is so central to making sure history dose not take control of our present and our future.

I hope that writing your post and seeing these replies , is your first step in knowing your are being heard.

Those who call us lier's are the ones that are afraid of knowing the truth and not knnowing how to deal with the situations that are so far beyound there understandings.

TRIGGGER WARNING

Sex - what bigger trigger for people with abuse in there pasts but yet something that is central to so meny relationships. I have come to find out that communication is the biggest key.
If you can trust your partner, tell him that sex is out of the question for a while. if you cant or dont want to go into specific. Ask him/her to bare with you whilst you sort some stuff out. If they love you they will stick with the respect you have asked for. RESPECT - it's a two way thing.
You deserve respect 100% no two ways about it. If your partner is a decent person then they wll work with you and give you the space that you need to work things through.

TRIGGER OVER

I hope that dose not come across prechey, i wanted to let you know you have support here.
No if's or but's about it.