just need to talk

Hi everyone

I'm really sorry I have no questions just statements
I'm not even sure what statements I have

I have been feeling very lost the passed 3/4 days. I decided with my t to take a break over the holidays for both of us to get with the new direction of ego state therapy. I thought it was a great idea giving me time to read up on it and make sure all of me is prepared.

I was actually quite wrong-I feel like I'm in a void yoyoing between emotions and time.

I suffer from chronic fatigue witch is ironic as I can't sleep!
I find myself making food that I don't want.like I'm waking up half way through making it but at the same time witnessing the actions before I wake up.
All I want to do is hide which is little me solution to problems, then all I want to do it do stuff which is my solution to problems lol I'm so torn I do nothing.

I feel lonely but I am not alone. I am,o I don't know.I'll shut up now.

It really really sounds like you're depressed. Have you told your therapist about this? It might be better to take some time off for yourself to chill out and enjoy the simple things, instead of worrying about making yourself better.

I know I was stressing myself out so bad that my hair was falling out because I "had to make myself better" or "gotta talk to the therapist about ____." which made me really anxious and depressed.

Sometimes its best to take a break and forget about it all for a while.

If your depression is unfounded though, or you dont know where it came from, you might want to ask your psychiatrist for something for that.

hi there zrcalo

Thanks so much for posting back to me

I was really shocked at you saying it sounded like i was depressed but you were completly write.
Funny thing is though i read back what i had wrote because i couldnt remember what i had wrote. Turns out i still only have a vague recollection of writing it!

Weirder still right now i feel fine........ i've noticed the passed 5months i have moments like what i wrote before then all of a sudden , nothing, i'm fine. Then i read back at things i wrote yesterday and think wow that person seeems really lost and sad! like it wasnt me that felt that way. Actually made my stomach turn upside down reading it!

I totally agree about taking time out so dose my partner. So before she left for work tonight she put my dinner on for me, hugged me up in a duvet put on harry potter (which all of me loves!) harry potter is the cure to any thing with me and my wife! She poured me out a drink , passed me the lap top feed the fish and dog and cat and copious amounts of other furries. All so i had no pressures on me at all. Left me feeling very very loved.

I had responeded to a couple of posts written about the only way a t will work is by 100% honest commmunication .whilst at the same point not realsing i hadnt been doing that with my t.
It was when you asked me if i had told my t about the things i wrote i thought '$#%^ good point, i totally havent!'

I am going to take my journals with me next time i see her but i wouldnt dare think of taking this!
Why? whats that about? i think maybe because here i am 100% honest even more so than in my journals. Here nothing exsists, i am no one to anyone..... blah

thank you so so sooooooooooo much for replying you have really made a big difference to me. thank you very very much . truly.

c

not a problem! I'm really glad you wrote me back as well! I can sometimes be a really friendly person, and I try to take advantage of when I am. lol.

Yeah, I usually have to re-read a lot of what I write or post. It just comes with the territory. Earlier today I was really depressed, but now I'm fine!

I think donovan's getting hit hard with depression again, and it's probably because my partner isnt home (she's going to be away for a month. oh joy.) so all in all, everyone's just kinda been leaving him alone because he doesnt know what to do with himself. Just sittin' in a corner all day mumbling. ...I honestly dont know. But anyway!

I think it may be beneficial to find out who's depressed and maybe talk to them? Or if they come up and read what we've written, maybe they should leave you some notes so you two can communicate with each other? Communication is important, and mostly everyone all up in this joint is pretty good at it. Except a few.

I found that at times when I feel depressed or elated there is usually a reason behind it (it doesnt always have to be) and I think trying to find the reasons behind the depression is the most important part. ie; someone going away for a while, seasonal depression, bipolar, no ramen, broken ipod, etc. it could be anything really. But really narrowing things down helps a whole lot.

hope I'm helpful! And I am glad you're feeling better. Harry potter rocks!

And yeah, I usually take in my journals I've written into my therapist. You dont have to show them this post, all you have to write down is "I was really really depressed on this day" and then just write down the date you made this thread. I think that'll help you put together a timeline.

Hello again

I've had an internal meeting and finally figured out why I've been depressed.
Turns out I have been on and off for about a month.
I wrote something on reflection that was very hurtful about teenage
Riverside in my journal.
Ranting on in it add I did about being ashamed about things we did back
Then call us nasty names. Then I preceded to forget about it.
Turns out teenage Claire and Sam didn't. hence why Sam
Has been getting very demanding teenage Claire is making us depressed.

I've said sorry.was thinking of doing something for the two of us.

Thanks again
X

I think that would be a very good idea honestly, doing things together with just the two of you. Maybe watch a movie on netflix and talk about it as you watch it? Like .. "oh man tony stark is hot" or "oh! this is my favourite part of harry potter." I find it easier to build bonds with other people while doing an activity together.

Here's the thing, everyone makes mistakes. We're only human. The only thing we can do afterwards is apologize profusely and try not to make the same mistake twice. It's like that with any kind of relationship-- be it friendship, romantic, or acquaintance.

i just thought i would say that it worked.
I had an internal meeting with myself this morning and made a deal with teenage claire.
Some sweets and a movie. Things i used to love as a teenager. No stuffing of my face with the face. Taking time to eat food like we used to!

I thought i would post that it helped for others at the start of there journey. So they have something that might help them to.

thanks for all your help