going to the hospital TRIGGER WARNING

I have to go to the hospital beacause of my drinking but i drink because TRIGGER WARNINGmy dad had anal sex with me and I am feeling, smelling, hearing all the times he was mean to me
I am scared to go they don't understand DID. What if they tell me to just stop thinking of the past and I can't. Then i'm not following the rules and they will get mad at me. Am I doing this for attention. I don't know who I am right now and i am scared.

Now I feel like deleting this post cuz I am just ranting but part of me feels like I just need to getit out therein this safe place where no body can see me and they don't know who I am.

I am so afraid of the memories I just keep trying to hide from them.

Are fathers really this mean?

My father was really mean to me too, but he never raped me or anything like that. I have to say, not all the fathers are like that, sometimes it's the mother who is abusive or sometimes any of them. The normal family is when both of them, father and mother, are "normal" in the way that they treat their children well... You know? But some people is unlucky and they born in the wrong house and I think in the hospital they are going to understand that. You just need to explain them and tell them... Well, the problem you have, ask them to be patient... I think they should be respectful with you and I hope they help you as much as possible. Good luck! You deserve to be happy!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It sounds like you're in a lot of distress.

Some fathers are that mean and you didn't deserve to have someone like that at all. I'm so sorry for the pain you are in and it's very understandable that you are doing what you can to cope with it. We don't always have the best ways of coping - it takes time to learn. We used to deal with that type of trauma as well and I'm sorry you've experienced that and are still affected by it. You can heal though, I really believe that. I am working bit by bit at healing my trauma and I no longer cope in self destructive ways. It takes time and patience and understanding and I really hope the hospital can give you that.

You are precious. You deserve help.

Safe hugs if wanted. Trust your body, have a talk with everyone before hand and say that only certain ones can come out until they know how others will react. We went into hospital recently and stayed in our room a lot of the time. When we were out we had a cuddly toy with us for comfort.....now they are saying I was presenting in a 'childlike style' but I don't care as it shows that they noticed, even if they didn't understand.

It's Tyler. I understand I have drank over that stuff too and some of us still do. We've been sober since last Saturday now. Go to the hospital and get some time off the alcohol. What he did to you was not ok at all! You are safe now even when you can feel it and it seems like it is happenimg right now. You are big now and you are safe. Get to a safe place where you can detox. It is much better having memories when you are sober...at least it is for me...despite what Jen says. You can do it! You are in charge of your body not him! Not anymore! I am so sorry you are going through this. Not all dads do that but yours did and mine did and it sux big time but the good thing is WE CAN HEAL but it is really hard to do it drunk. I'm proud of you. You aren't faking this and unfortunately some people at the hospital don't always get it but we all do on here. Do what you need to in order to keep all of you safe and keep us posted. He had no right to do that to you. YOU ARE NOT WHAT WAS DONE TO YOU.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and I really hope you're having some time to heal now.

Safe hugs if wanted.