Making time for healing

Meh. For the past week I have done absolutely bugger-all except sitting around in my PJs, smoking weed and reading about mental disorders. I find this a bit worrisome - I had a really productive, active period before that, but something triggered me and I felt like going inside my head again.

I realise it is important for those of us who are still healing to take time alone, have peace and quiet and think things through. We have to make time for this like for a hobby in a sense, in a way that people who haven't been hurt don't have to. So why do I feel like a failure every time this happens, like I'm a useless person who just sits round home alone and cannot function socially?

My friends try to get me to go out and do stuff but I don't feel like it. I'm not depressed, just feel like isolating myself for a bit. At the same time, it makes me feel guilty to do this. Then I get angry about feeling guilty and start arguing with myself as to whether or not I should be "allowed" to do it.

Anyone else get this?

This sounds like a holdover FOO problem. Did your FOO have a shaming script about "lazy layabouts", or a member who did nothing but sit and ruminate?

This sounds like a holdover FOO problem. Did your FOO have a shaming script about "lazy layabouts", or a member who did nothing but sit and ruminate?

My mother sat around a lot (depressed), not sure about the ruminating. But the social isolation aspect was there.

I think I associate this type of non-activity with being unwell and dysfunctional (as opposed to: maybe I'm tired and need a rest). Considering how bad I was last winter I'm worried I might be on a downward spiral again. Increased awareness of separate alters for the first time in months doesn't help. I had actual conversations with Gabriel in the past few days which we haven't had since the fusion. It doesn't feel separate as such, but I wonder if we're relapsing. Not entirely sure what triggered this either.

Hi Tribe,

meh. For the past week I have done absolutely bugger-all except sitting around in my PJs, smoking weed and reading about mental disorders. I find this a bit worrisome - I had a really productive, active period before that, but something triggered me and I felt like going inside my head again

Yah. I do this from time to time. This week I had a day like this- ( I've had weeks like this also)-I think it's normal, well for me it is. Then I wake up the next day and I seem motivated to continue on. This emotional work is very exhausting. Grief is exhausting. Maybe you needed a break?

Xxxooo

[quote="Journalgirl"] Maybe you needed a break?

I agree and need to hear this for myself. I feel like I spend too much time just sitting. I start to feel like I am useless and maybe I am making all this up and just need a lot of attention.

My friend told me that if all I can do in a day is eat and bathe, if I do that I have accomplished a lot.

I realise it is important for those of us who are still healing to take time alone, have peace and quiet and think things through. We have to make time for this like for a hobby in a sense, in a way that people who haven't been hurt don't have to. So why do I feel like a failure every time this happens, like I'm a useless person who just sits round home alone and cannot function socially?

I think I have been working on something similar with a part recently, and do so on an ongoing basis actually. I feel the most important thing is for us to dedicate time and space to healing but she feels ashamed of what others may think, worries over all the time we're spending doing this and thinks of all the things we could be doing. It boils down to she feels it's unfair that we have to work through all this and it is unfair that this has happened to us, that we suffered abuse in childhood and that we have all these wounds to heal now.

With this I have assured her that with taking the time we need to heal, we will grow and become much stronger. In time, we will be able to achieve much more balance in our lives. But also, I think that all singletons, no matter how extrovert, need time alone – It's not only people that need to spend time healing that need time to themselves. Everyone also needs time to relax, and relaxation will be something different for everyone.

With the guilt thing – your responsibilty is to yourself and if you feel like you want to do 'absolutely bugger-all ' then you do just that, and enjoy it It's your life and you need to honour your feelings.