Having problems writing on here

Being the mod is understandable.

Maybe you can explain to everyone what is going on? Maybe if it gets bad you can take some time off from modding to get everyone calmed down? It sounds like your job would be very difficult if your alters didn't want to post on here when you needed to.

It's good that you are taking things slow.

Maybe you can explain to everyone what is going on? Maybe if it gets bad you can take some time off from modding to get everyone calmed down? It sounds like your job would be very difficult if your alters didn't want to post on here when you needed to.

Thanks for the concern. Thankfully the modding work doesn't trigger anybody - only sharing information about our system, asking for support etc.

Just seeing what people are writing here though is helping and maybe eventually I will be able to get through the queue of posts made by different parts in our drafts.

Lifelongthing, you asked for book recommendations in addition to Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. There is also his book Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe; this is very similar to his first book but as the title says it is more oriented toward communicating with others about issues of personal safety. It helped me help certain of my alters. And as a parent of "outside" children I also recommend this book.

Next on my list would be any of a large number of books about personal boundaries. There are a few I especially like. If a "Christian" world view is not triggering for you, then I highly recommend Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Otherwise I recommend The Intimacy Factor: The Ground Rules for Overcoming the Obstacles to Truth, Respect, and Lasting Love by Pia Mellody.

All of Pia Mellody's books about recovering from co-dependency are good but this one I think has the best material about healthy boundaries. She describes how we all have a protective membrane or skin, with a zipper installed. This is our personal boundary. In many people who grew up in dysfunctional families the zipper pull is installed on the outside where an abuser (or anyone!) can operate it at will to access us and hurt us. Part of our healing is to learn how to move that zipper pull to the inside where we can decide for ourselves how open and vulnerable we want to be with any person. We can choose to close up and not allow someone to touch us. And we can choose to open up and be close and intimate with someone.

Thanks again Una+, that's of great help

Sorry to hear ya all are havin' issues. *hugs and all that*
Wish I could offer help or something

1. It's okay to be afraid.
2. Safety / security is an illusion.
3. Use discernment with your posts. Once search engines have saved the data, what you have written will be cached away on some server farm forever. Think about that before you post anything personal.

It's a bit like being a therapist: it's okay to share and relate, just know when you're saying more than is necessary.

Sorry to hear ya all are havin' issues. *hugs and all that*
Wish I could offer help or something

Thank you Thalyssa. We appreciate the concern

It's a bit like being a therapist: it's okay to share and relate, just know when you're saying more than is necessary.

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks Ctrl

Hi LLT,

I have to admit upfront that I have never had to deal with anything like that, so I just can't pretend to really know what I'm talking about. But for what it's worth I don't want to be in your way either -- and you can quote me on that (I realized that this place can be a minefield for me sometimes, because when I see stories of people with clear real-world problems like yours, I get triggered and I end up magnifying my own in-my-head problems to ridiculous proportions, and that's bad for me and everyone around.)

That's really a tough situation to face and then have to face again and again. But I guess it's important to keep in mind what others have already said here (and that you probably have heard countless times and told yourself countless times too, but I know how easy it is to forget). When you have big problems it's too easy to see only danger and then miss the simple things that are right under your nose. You can do your best to be safe, but there's "your best" and there's "beyond your control", and, ironically, there's "safe" and there's "too safe", which in practice is "less safe than just safe". I've been training this "mantra", and I think this actually can be useful to anyone: "stop, look, and listen" ("is there a train coming, or is it just the train tracks?" -- if it's just the train tracks, you'll be safer if you don't stand in the way trying to remove them).

I don't know if I could be any help with it, but I work with computer systems, so if you need technical advice or information and you don't know where to begin, you can always PM me about it. I'll do my best to keep it short and simple and to not burden you with even more stuff to be worried about instead.

Best of luck, LLT.

I have to admit upfront that I have never had to deal with anything like that, so I just can't pretend to really know what I'm talking about. But for what it's worth I don't want to be in your way either -- and you can quote me on that

Thanks

I've been training this "mantra", and I think this actually can be useful to anyone: "stop, look, and listen" ("is there a train coming, or is it just the train tracks?" -- if it's just the train tracks, you'll be safer if you don't stand in the way trying to remove them).

That is helpful and something we've worked on with our younger alters in the past. It's good to be mindful before deciding on a course of action, and that's usually true for most all situations really.

don't know if I could be any help with it, but I work with computer systems, so if you need technical advice or information and you don't know where to begin, you can always PM me about it. I'll do my best to keep it short and simple and to not burden you with even more stuff to be worried about instead.

Thank you. I appreciate that