Can the host get triggered like alters can?

Hello,

I have a close close friend who has DID as well and she tells me the things that are going on with her. I love helping people, especially her but sometimes hearing the things that she goes through makes me feel like I just have to get away. It's hard to explain but it's the same feeling that I feel when one of my alters get triggered when they are with me. Like I have to get away from the problems because I can't handle it? Almost like I'm making myself sick emotionally and physically.

So my question is: Is it possible for the host to get triggered like an alter does and if so what do you do about it?

-Aelita

Hi Aelita,

Yes, I think the host can be triggered too.

When listening to and helping others in general, I, the host, also sometimes have the feeling that it is too much and I need to get away. I notice that I dissociate at these times if I push myself too much. I think you need to listen to these feelings and validate them. I understand you like to help and support your friend, but you have the responsibility to first look after yourself (yourselves) and honour your needs.

For me it often feels just too much for me to deal with. I have a lot going on inside, as I'm sure you do too, and it just feels like too much if others are offloading on to me all the time.

With what you describe, I think it's completely understandable that you're triggered by hearing about your friend's experiences with DID. Maybe it feels like too much, but also you're working through healing similar issues.

I think you should explain to your friend that sometimes things trigger you. Then perhaps you can agree on communicating this when this happens and moving on your conversation to a different subject.

Look after yourselves

Hi, I really like what you said Aelita. Thanks

I also have a friend with DID and right now she is struggling with a very depressed part. My host alter was created to make everything good. Well she couldn't make my friend feel "good" so yes she did go away because it was too triggering. I came home feeling exhausted.

I had that suspicion that I probably needed a break but I didn't want to feel like I was abandoning her. But I completely understand what you are saying matryoshkadoll. Damien, one of my alters, he is always trying to help me with my problems and is mainly co-hosting with me all the time but the other day me and Robert made him take a break since he was getting worn down. So I think the same was happening to me. Ill talk to her and see where it goes. Thank you very much for the advise.

Bevia that's how I sometimes felt after getting triggered by her problems. Like I was emotionally and physically exhausted. But ill know when enough is enough for me.

Sure, our host gets triggered sometimes. She goes away, and we step in, usually.

I don't think our host gets flashbacks, but I don't know...

I have a friend who has active alters too. She's actually the only friend I'm in touch with. And, well.. I found out a few days ago that she's actually been my "significant other" for a while and I just didn't know it... I'm so used to being alone that it's just not sinking in.

She shared things with me that she hadn't even been able to "share with herself", when she discovered that there was no denying that it was real. It feels like that was just yesterday, but I think it's been two months already. I've also been dealing with a new (and stressful) work routine in the meantime. It's been exhausting...

She saw parts of me that I was sure I had "outgrown" long ago. Now I just can't deny anymore that those parts are there. I can't handle the fact, but I can't ignore it either. So any little thing can be triggering now. Because she's real, and I'm real, and that's scary, because it means my unwanted memories are real too... So we've been trying to be careful and to be clear in our communication. It's a delicate balance, because learning about our own triggers also means learning about our past.

bevia wrote:My host alter was created to make everything good. Well she couldn't make my friend feel "good" so yes she did go away because it was too triggering. I came home feeling exhausted.

I especially identify with this. I was thinking about it just yesterday. I see each part of me as having three different "levels" of their own (all parts, even the most troubled ones, or the most detached ones like myself). "Stable" parts change my behavior, but they don't bring back memories or strong reactions. They can go in and out of consciousness along with "me" ("the host"), as long as it's only one at a time. "Agitated" parts will act without my awareness, in ways that surprise me or that I wouldn't approve, but I'll still remember what "they" did, even if the memory seems confusing and unreal, or hard to reach.

But when I (as whichever part is "out") feel exhausted, I lose my sense of time and sequence. My memories get all scrambled (past, present, future, dreams, everything...). And then later, when I "come back to my own self", it's hard to tell what's fabricated and what's not, and I get an urge to organize everything (inside and outside), and discard and throw away anything that "doesn't feel right" or "just doesn't fit".

I see what you mean noneoftheabove but I don't switch out at all, or I haven't noticed, and that somewhat concerns me. I don't want to be seen as someone who is fake or something because I don't switch out. I sometimes forget things and once I did something I didn't remember doing but that was all before I realized that I had DID. My alters talk to me and they are co-conscious with me all the time but that's as far as it goes. I think I'm worrying too much but I'm not sure.

-Aelita

I'd say "don't worry about it, that's normal", but that would be hypocritical of me. Because I worry about it myself all the time. If I seem confident, then it's only a façade — because that's my job: to be a façade. Which doesn't mean I'm not genuine, but... it's hard to fully believe that I am. Because it's not my job to be genuine... I'm only here to be helpful and to make things work.

I see so many posts around this site that I read and I think "whoa... sucks to be them!". But then again, hey, look at that: I don't even have a ######6 life! I'd rather have a life and have real problems than live in this mind-numbing shithole of boredom for all eternity. And that's a real ######6 problem! So they have their problems. Okay. True, they do. But big deal. They're not mine. And mine are real, because I say so. Their apples. My oranges.

I sometimes wish I had a my own body. A body where I can do whatever I want, even my own problems would be nice to have as long as they were mine.

Why is it not your job?

That is actually a very good question. I suppose there is simply no concrete evidence that would support that belief. Granted, the host is not truly genuine in the sense of representing the system that he often is in charge of representing. There is much more to the system and its existence than the host himself, and he is burdened with the awareness of the fact, but without the understanding which would be necessary to envision the system as a true system, or as the beautifully complex machine that it is. He is largely restrained by the often frustrating and oppressively restrictive limits of physical existence, and by all the intimidating but inevitable factors involved in daily outside communication contexts. But perhaps most importantly, he is burdened with the task of restraining not only himself, but also the other parts, which is certainly an ungrateful job. He must be prepared to face general lack of recognition from within as well as from the outside, and therefore he lacks self-recognition as well. Being truly humble is not an easy task.

Thank you for asking!