Very violent, competitive part?

So, the other day, while having a huge nerf sword fight with a large group of friends, suddenly I got very very violent with barely any control over it- like, swinging way too hard and stuff. I mean, it was fine, there's a few guys who do that, so we just ended up fighting each other while the rest had their own fight, but that's so unlike me! My emotions themselves felt very violent- not angry though, more like an excited violent mood. I'm usually terrified of getting near anything that can give me so many bruises, yet there I was, swing swords super hard and getting swords swung hard back in return. And not apologizing for anything, like if I maybe hurt anyone, and I usually apologize for every little tiny thing that happens. I also was very competitive, cursing and throwing down the sword if I got out. Afterwards, for a part of the night, I was still in that same mood, while we were playing card games. I wasn't cursing or being so competitive as before, could control it, but I still felt that same attitude inside. Sometimes that later part happens a little, but not to the severity during the fight.

Anyone know what to do if this starts to happen again? It was really bad, and I'm afraid it may happen again for other things- it was fine to act like that for that game, but I don't want it to happen during things where that isn't okay! I'd really like some tips on how to control this part...

If you haven't already, maybe you could tell your friends about this part? I'm thinking so that they'll know if it happens again. You could talk to them and tell them that you're worried about it, and then you could think of what to do if it happens again?

Another suggestion would be trying to talk to that part, get to know what it wants. Maybe you could do something to make it get a place to get their energy/feelings out? Maybe like a sword fight, but not with swords, or something less dangerous like painting... if that works... or running? What I'm trying to say is - some activity maybe makes it better if the part is looking for a way to express their feelings.

Has it happened again lately? How is it going?

Little wrote:If you haven't already, maybe you could tell your friends about this part? I'm thinking so that they'll know if it happens again. You could talk to them and tell them that you're worried about it, and then you could think of what to do if it happens again?

Another suggestion would be trying to talk to that part, get to know what it wants. Maybe you could do something to make it get a place to get their energy/feelings out? Maybe like a sword fight, but not with swords, or something less dangerous like painting... if that works... or running? What I'm trying to say is - some activity maybe makes it better if the part is looking for a way to express their feelings.

Has it happened again lately? How is it going?

But I don't really tell anyone about my dissociative stuff... I'm always scared of how they react, my anxiety/paranoia cause problems when trying to tell people. I can tell the few that do know, so maybe they can watch for it.

As far as I know, it hasn't happened again, but I'm afraid it may... this is really scary, I always knew a somewhat sadistic part existed, but it's never actually come out before, well maybe a little but not to this extent, and usually remains very quiet, until now. And it's never been out with the competitive part before, and combined it became really really scary!

I could try talking to it, but I still have trouble talking to the parts directly, especially because they're kinda fuzzy, as least to me, and no names or anything like that, at least that I know of. Sometimes I can talk a bit with them though, but it happens when I'm not trying to, they're quiet if I actually try to reach them. Gah, this is all so confusing still!

Bipolar_Cat wrote:But I don't really tell anyone about my dissociative stuff... I'm always scared of how they react, my anxiety/paranoia cause problems when trying to tell people. I can tell the few that do know, so maybe they can watch for it.

As far as I know, it hasn't happened again, but I'm afraid it may... this is really scary, I always knew a somewhat sadistic part existed, but it's never actually come out before, well maybe a little but not to this extent, and usually remains very quiet, until now. And it's never been out with the competitive part before, and combined it became really really scary!

I could try talking to it, but I still have trouble talking to the parts directly, especially because they're kinda fuzzy, as least to me, and no names or anything like that, at least that I know of. Sometimes I can talk a bit with them though, but it happens when I'm not trying to, they're quiet if I actually try to reach them. Gah, this is all so confusing still!

Reading your reply, I feel like I can relate quite a lot to what you're describing.

I've also been very scared of telling anyone about my dissociative stuff, and there's this part not wanting anyone to know about our "system", but it got to the point where I felt too frightened of what might happen if I didn't tell anyone, and so I did.
To make a long story short, I wrote a note about having another person inside of me (didn't know about DID back then), and they (persons in real life) looked frightened. It ended up with my T (who doesn't have any experience in DID/trauma or anything like that) saying that it was just "thoughts and feelings". Since then I've never said anything about it, as I felt that they didn't listen to me or believed me.
However, I think it would be great if you could tell someone who knows, maybe so you won't feel so alone (if you do?).

I've also had problems talking to my parts. To me, they're fuzzy and without names (I've sort of named them though, to make it easier for myself), but at least I know a little about what their job is inside of the system. What's it like when you talk to them? I'm interested in hearing about it if you'd like to share. When talking to them I don't get any reply but I'm thinking that maybe they're listening at least, and some of the time I can feel, what I believe, is someone being co-on (co-conscious) with me. Them talking to me is like thoughts in my head, knowing that they aren't mine. It's a bit hard to explain.

I´ve a lot of repressed anger and hurt inside, that I haven´t quite gotten over yet. I just make sure I keep my cool regardless of what circumstance I am in or how I feel inside... my shrink said that I do this too much. Slowly I hope to get over this sort of block, but that is something that shouldn´t be rushed too much I think.

Little wrote:
Reading your reply, I feel like I can relate quite a lot to what you're describing.

I've also been very scared of telling anyone about my dissociative stuff, and there's this part not wanting anyone to know about our "system", but it got to the point where I felt too frightened of what might happen if I didn't tell anyone, and so I did.
To make a long story short, I wrote a note about having another person inside of me (didn't know about DID back then), and they (persons in real life) looked frightened. It ended up with my T (who doesn't have any experience in DID/trauma or anything like that) saying that it was just "thoughts and feelings". Since then I've never said anything about it, as I felt that they didn't listen to me or believed me.
However, I think it would be great if you could tell someone who knows, maybe so you won't feel so alone (if you do?).

I've also had problems talking to my parts. To me, they're fuzzy and without names (I've sort of named them though, to make it easier for myself), but at least I know a little about what their job is inside of the system. What's it like when you talk to them? I'm interested in hearing about it if you'd like to share. When talking to them I don't get any reply but I'm thinking that maybe they're listening at least, and some of the time I can feel, what I believe, is someone being co-on (co-conscious) with me. Them talking to me is like thoughts in my head, knowing that they aren't mine. It's a bit hard to explain.

It's nice knowing there's someone who can relate so well. =]

I did tell my close friend about this part- he already knows about all my dissociative stuff anyway- and he is in the group of friends who plays those competitive games, so if it happens again there he knows what to look for and to pull me aside when it happens, so I can hopefully calm it down. He's the only one who knows about it, and probly will be the only one who does, at least for a while. He's the one who knows the most about my dissociative stuff and other dx's in general. I'm really glad I have him around to talk to about this; he has some dx's himself so is very understanding and accepting.

I understand very well what you're saying about your parts; that's very similar to me as well! I know how hard it is to explain these things, lol. I get the co-conscious thing a whole lot; usually though despite that the part has more control and I'm just watching the part do stuff, like a movie, with little control. They are all very fuzzy, as well, but I do know some of them; I usually just call them by the way they act/emotion they seem to embody, like 'angry part' or 'child part'. It's hard to reach some of them, like the anger one, but others I can kinda communicate with- for instance, there's one (maybe two) with an eating disorder that yells at me sometimes if I'm eating too much (if I'm alone it'll say it aloud), and I can argue back, but it stops at arguing, trying to say anything else doesn't work. That one is one of the few I can actually talk to though, the rest are similar to you with the thoughts sometimes coming through but not being able to really reach them, no reply if I try to. For most, there's never a reply when I try to communicate. The only one I can kinda communicate with is the child one, who seems to be the one who comes out most- she definitely likes to come out at the grocery store and beg for various things I don't eat, and gets angry when they aren't bought, lol! She also confused my parents (who don't know the full extent of the dissociation, certainly not about the parts) last christmas, when a "my little pony" was on the christmas list! She's also been around a lot the past few days, since it was halloween and she loves candy... Usually the communication between her is just telling her no to things she wants, like said candy.

Anyway, that's the gist of it, it seems the post has become a bit lengthy again. I hope I was able to explain it adequatey?

Bipolar_Cat wrote:It's nice knowing there's someone who can relate so well. =]

I did tell my close friend about this part- he already knows about all my dissociative stuff anyway- and he is in the group of friends who plays those competitive games, so if it happens again there he knows what to look for and to pull me aside when it happens, so I can hopefully calm it down. He's the only one who knows about it, and probly will be the only one who does, at least for a while. He's the one who knows the most about my dissociative stuff and other dx's in general. I'm really glad I have him around to talk to about this; he has some dx's himself so is very understanding and accepting.

I understand very well what you're saying about your parts; that's very similar to me as well! I know how hard it is to explain these things, lol. I get the co-conscious thing a whole lot; usually though despite that the part has more control and I'm just watching the part do stuff, like a movie, with little control. They are all very fuzzy, as well, but I do know some of them; I usually just call them by the way they act/emotion they seem to embody, like 'angry part' or 'child part'. It's hard to reach some of them, like the anger one, but others I can kinda communicate with- for instance, there's one (maybe two) with an eating disorder that yells at me sometimes if I'm eating too much (if I'm alone it'll say it aloud), and I can argue back, but it stops at arguing, trying to say anything else doesn't work. That one is one of the few I can actually talk to though, the rest are similar to you with the thoughts sometimes coming through but not being able to really reach them, no reply if I try to. For most, there's never a reply when I try to communicate. The only one I can kinda communicate with is the child one, who seems to be the one who comes out most- she definitely likes to come out at the grocery store and beg for various things I don't eat, and gets angry when they aren't bought, lol! She also confused my parents (who don't know the full extent of the dissociation, certainly not about the parts) last christmas, when a "my little pony" was on the christmas list! She's also been around a lot the past few days, since it was halloween and she loves candy... Usually the communication between her is just telling her no to things she wants, like said candy.

Anyway, that's the gist of it, it seems the post has become a bit lengthy again. I hope I was able to explain it adequatey?

I think you described it really well!

Sounds like you and your child alter is really communicating, at least a whole lot more than me and my alters. Makes me a bit jealous actually.

Is there a way that you usually communicate with them? Or, when you have less control (when you're watching the part do stuff), when's that? Could it be in any situation or do you know there are situations where it's more common/likely that it happens?

The one(s) with eating disorder doesn't sound easy to deal with. Is it like actual yelling? And about the thoughts that sometimes come through (as with me), can you tell whose thoughts it is or is it just that you know that it isn't yours?

Realizing I've been asking a whole bunch of questions... I hope that's okay. Feel free to ignore any of the questions if you don't feel like answering them all.

Little wrote:I think you described it really well!

Sounds like you and your child alter is really communicating, at least a whole lot more than me and my alters. Makes me a bit jealous actually.

Is there a way that you usually communicate with them? Or, when you have less control (when you're watching the part do stuff), when's that? Could it be in any situation or do you know there are situations where it's more common/likely that it happens?

The one(s) with eating disorder doesn't sound easy to deal with. Is it like actual yelling? And about the thoughts that sometimes come through (as with me), can you tell whose thoughts it is or is it just that you know that it isn't yours?

Realizing I've been asking a whole bunch of questions... I hope that's okay. Feel free to ignore any of the questions if you don't feel like answering them all.

Haha, it's okay, asking questions is good!

Usually talking to them only happens on their terms, I guess you could say. Like at the grocery store; they'll never talk when I want them to. And yeah, actual yelling... or, at least very firm talking. When I can hear them more clearly, it's usually when I'm alone and doing something not requiring much attention, like driving, walking, or cleaning, or when I go to bed and am trying to sleep. That's when I hear a lot of the thoughts. It's difficult often to know who is saying what, unless it's very specific like the eating disorder one telling me I'm fat or the child looking for the stuffed hippo I sleep with. Again, most of the parts are very fuzzy, and I know generally what some are but it's very difficult to tell who says what when.

The watching the part do stuff happens kinda randomly, though there are specific times I do know certain ones will come out- for example, there's one that takes over when I do performances, presentations, etc. (being watched by an audience). Some, when they come out, they always will have me there too, such as the child, whereas others, like the angry one, don't let me see much. When it is like that though, sometimes I do manage to exchange a small conversation- such as, saying 'stop that' and getting an answer. Just small things like that though. Overall though, most of them are really fuzzy to me, so if one just comes out randomly for no reason I often have no clue which it is, or even if it's one I know about. So frustrating! x_x