Tired...

The more I discover. The more I uncover... Combined. It feels like I have already lived more than a lifetime. And I'm about to expire. I'm proud of the team who I became. Who became me. Not perfect. Not happy. But... Still going on. I forget how hard it was. How hard it is. I have to forget. I have to go to sleep... But I'm afraid to go to sleep.

What if I don't wake up? Or worse... What if I don't want to? What if I collapse, just before the finish line? What if... there is no finish line?.. Am I chasing ghosts? Am I, myself... the ghost I am chasing?

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Sorry for the depressiveness and the dramatic style of the text above, but it seemed more natural (and more meaningful, I assume) to express this feeling of sadness from the point of view of the one who feels it. I was wondering if it was myself, if I was really able to feel sadness, which I'm still not entirely sure about. But I'm afraid that the words above have little meaning to me.

I can observe the signs in my body, but I don't really know what it is like to feel tired. I don't know what it is like to feel sad. I go to sleep because I know my body requires sleep. And I feel incomplete because of this (I suppose incompleteness is the only feeling I can genuinely experience).

Does anyone else experience this feeling of being tired because of all the lives you have lived — and because of the one life you haven't lived yet? How do you cope with it?

What if we really don't exist.
Who am I?

Or should I say Who are we?

What have I done? Or should I say what Have i not done.

Slipstreaming through this timelessness a day goes by in a blink.

Stasis.

Getting lost again. Where have I gone. I'm still here. Am I learning anything? Where did this information come from.... Why can't I feel. It's not that I don't care, it's just... I don't know. There's the black hole again.

I am what I am.
We are what we are.
Somehow someway it/us/we makes it through.
Do I even exist?

Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing affects me anymore.
But somehow I still care.
Or do I?

Throw me anywhere in the world and somehow i'll make it through the day.
and at the end of it, i wont even know how i got there.

you'll never find me because I can't even find myself

The world is trying to communicate to me but it just can't get through. It wasn't meant to. it all goes somewhere someplace and comes out at someplace and sometime. Sometimes its the right time sometimes its the wrong. I just don't get it

And then it all spirals together and starts over again

And then I realize it's always been like this.

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I understand how you are feeling.
I am currently almost permanently stuck in that black hole it seems like.
My mind is moving through different wormholes and dimensions of my own memories all confusing them together. It feels as though i'm keeping a beast at bay (my alter) while trying to piece it all together. It's always been like this i've just never been so aware of it. I don't really get depressed, i just... go away.

I find answers in music. It seems to be the only thing that appeases all of me.

you'll never find me because I can't even find myself

This really touched something in me. Thank you for sharing that.

lifelongthing wrote:

you'll never find me because I can't even find myself

This really touched something in me. Thank you for sharing that.

Thank you for reading it .