Host wont let me talk

I am so glad to be apart of this forum. I've been reading many posts for months now and they have been very helpful. I was diagnosed with DID 2 years ago and am just now understanding my system.

Lizzy, one of my alters, has just started talking and Ame, the host, shuts her out because she feels what Lizzy has to say is not good for the system but really it just makes her feel uncomfortable because Lizzy was in love with our abuser. We know she was created to take that part of the abuse but it still bothers me, Ame.
I see a therapist and try very hard to let Lizzy talk but Ame "edits" what she says so it doesn't sound so bad. I feel stuck in Lizzy's memories and know I need to express them.

Has anyone had trouble with a very controlling host?

Sonja especially, but myself as well, are both afraid of letting the others talk, but the best thing we ever do in T is challenge that fear. It has been SO therapeutic to allow ninchen, niva, and jane to speak! Usually the following T session Sonja will show up to make sure our T 'knows' that everything's fine (but our T is smart, understands how she ticks). It is more a challenge for Sonja, because that's basically her role in our system - to make sure everybody thinks we're fine. Whenever Sonja fronts now I have to ask us what's wrong, who's suffering, what's going on. Whenever she fronts in T I put all my effort into convincing her to let one of us speak. It's very hard for her, but she does try and succeed at times . Progress, not perfection. It is really ###$ up when one of us speaks through another. We talk in slow motion...

I told my T and she helped me let one of my alters out. I felt very disoriented and like you said I felt like I was talking in slow motion. I got alot of issues out that i've been pushing away for along time.

Your post helped me find the strength to let the others talk and even though I have a very bad headache now I feel like I can do this! I can heal!

Thanks for your reply

-- Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm --

I told my T and she helped me let one of my alters out. I felt very disoriented and like you said I felt like I was talking in slow motion. I got alot of issues out that i've been pushing away for along time.

Your post helped me find the strength to let the others talk and even though I have a very bad headache now I feel like I can do this! I can heal!

Thanks for your reply