It is not my life

I am Anette. I was not out for more than 20 years. I went to school two years. The body was 14 and 15. I had lots of friends. I was good at school. I was in a nice family. I was happy. After that I have been sleeping or somthing like that. And now I am here. I have ben here for some days now and everything is strange. Nothing is normal. I just want to live a normal life. I like normal things. Normal food. Normal cloths. Normal familys. Normal friends. But nothing is normal anymore. The others had destroied everything. They are not normal. They eat strange food and have only black cloths. They are fat. They watch strange TV. They are in a fight with my parents. They have no friends. And they live with a woman! Everyone knows about that and they have told everyone and I am so embarrased! They are even getting married wearin dresses both two. I am tolerant and know that they are born like that, but they don't need to tell everybody. It is so embarresin! I do not want to live with a woman. I do not like girls! The woman are nice, but I am not lesbian! I just want a normal life. Friends. Family. Just be normal like everybody else. I do not want everybody to hate me. I want to have a boyfriend. That is most normal. A girlfriend is not normal. They can not help it, but they do not need to tell everybody. It can be a secret. But it is to late becase everybody knows about it. It is not my life. It is so embarresin!

I am so scared and lonly.

Not all of you is homophobic. It's okay to feel disgusted with yourself. Maybe you ought to ask yourselves what "normal" is, why you think you aren't normal, and what function your behaviors serve.

Speaking from experience, if you are unhappy, change yourself. Don't get married if it's not the right decision, but don't be homophobic and burn bridges.

Gay people are born that way and they typically have straight parents. How is nature not normal? Look deeper at your issue and look for patterns. Understand and love yourselves. Be compassionate to the other alts.

i understand how you feel. Maybe you could buy some food you like and enjoy it or watch a show you like or buy yourself some nice clothes that make you happy. Or if there are hobbies you enjoy try doing those. Or get some nice smelling soaps or something - the body smelling wrong annoys me. Little things make a big difference IMO.

About the girlfriend thing, sorta opposite for me as im a lesbian and the headmates usually date men. don't know how your system works, but could you still pursue relationships that make you happy? Like when some here were dating a guy, i was dating a girl at the same time. My girlfriend and their boyfriend knew about it so it wasn't dishonest or anything. there were rules and stuff for me but it made me so happy to have someone that i really cherished. It gave me a sense a normal. Maybe if youre accepting of their relationship they'll let you have one too? It's worked for us but then again we're poly so that is how it goes and we're all in agreement.

i bet youre really overwhelmed! try to find some stuff for yourself that you enjoy on the outside so you don't feel so left out. And maybe you can be friends with their SO. Love, trust and compassion are good things for any sort of relationship; like friendship or something more romantic. But you are totally entitled to confusion and frustration, take things at your own pace as you get settled into life again.

And you can always come here to talk!