This concept hurts my head. **Possible triggers?**

Hey everyone. I stumbled on this corner of the web while looking up some info on a scenario I found myself in recently..

I'm about 24 years old.

For about 10-12 years I've had a second voice in my head. This voice started off as a protector, spiralled into a negative influence/anti-conscience if you will, to the point where I feared him being around.. Even considered the possibility of him being a truly malicious entity that had the ability to influence things outside my head, with evidence from some very strange occurrences with close friends of mine, as well as his appearance in others' dreams.

This protector treated my head like a car, hung in the passenger seat and took the wheel when I couldn't handle the most stressful things in life. Eventually there were inner disagreements when it came to who I was dating or what I was doing, and I had faced a couple identity crises in this time frame, but I finally worked up the courage to force him out of my head for a long time. He would come back every so often, angrier and more dissociated than the last time.

He's taken control whenever I needed to be out of an unhealthy relationship in order to cut ties where I couldn't, and he's been there for me when I needed the self-confidence to do what I need to do otherwise.

That's just a brief history of him, but the strangest thing about it is that every so often I would find myself obsessing over a certain medium. whether it be a certain game, movie, TV show, something that had a specific character or scenario that would trigger his presence.

Most of the trigger characters involved a strong female character with an insecure male main character, which didn't make any sense to me at first, until quite recently.. The latest trigger was caused by a female character that had been the long time girlfriend of the main character, and the main character had just started to suffer from nightmares related to his insecurity with his situation.

Now mind you I had just been through an extremely rough set of stressors, including a recent breakup and lots of stress at work..

My alter, after 10 years under the perception of being a male, had just revealed himself as a woman, and had explained that her reasoning for acting the way she had was out of anger with me for not seeing her as she is. All she wanted was true acknowledgment, and she explained that her initial purpose for speaking up in the first place was to fill a hole that had started when I was quite young and didn't understand relationships at all.

The question where this entire post is leading to is: how do I even begin to explain the overbearing feeling of love and affection for this alter, that apparently had these feelings for me long before I knew her true form?

Also, I'd been diagnosed with BPD, Avoidant and Dependent personality disorders, as well as mild anxiety, all during my service in the military. My mother committed suicide when I was 17, she was an extreme case of borderline/bipolar and depression and I was exposed to a great deal of that growing up as well.

Most T's I've talked to don't actually see anything wrong, they ask why I come to see them to begin with and all I can give them is a description of this other voice and what's going on with it.. I haven't seen a T in a few years.. but the general consensus is that I'm functioning normally unless I'm under a ridiculous amount of stress.

I am new to the forums, and I'm only seeking some feedback and advice from those who may have experienced something similar..

It sounds like DID or DDNOS-1, depending whether you have any amnesia, which can be hard for you to know because you can have amnesia for having amnesia.

Are you dysfunctional or suffering in some way? If not, then there is not anything that needs to be fixed here. Hearing voices and having possession experiences are not in themselves a disorder. Being a multiple is not in itself a disorder. The disorder is in the dysfunction and/or suffering.