release from imprisonment fears

Hi,

I've had it put to me that right now I'm like a duck.

A calm exterior but paddling frantically under the water.

My brother died 3 weeks ago.. it's been v hard. I thought I grieved but parts of more are still in shock and I haven't processed it.

Therapy has been very hard, I am facing alot of system argument and conflict. The other day I couldn't leave as I was switching around all over the place.. at one point I thought I was actually in the body of child me.

I can't communicate out my true feelings at all though. When I try I am ripped from my body and feel terror. For a powerful part of me it's more important to hide than anything else.

I feel imprisoned within a robot whose sole purpose is to survive and put on a happy face

I want to be free and for someone to tell me I'm real.

But I am too scared

My condolences.

First, yes, you are real.

Second, anyone, singleton or not, would feel exactly like you are right now. The loss of anyone loved is a tragedy, DID only deepens those feelings.

I wish there was more I could do or say. Stay close to your support unit, keep doing that therapy, I find the toughest sessions are the ones that helped me the most in the end. And NEVER stop asking for help. EVER! That's the strongest thing you can do.

Be well, stay safe.

Thanks for the very kind words moks

So sorry for the loss of your brother.

We, too, lost our beloved Grandma about a month ago. Its very hard to stay in control and put on a happy face. We understand that.

Yes, you're real.

I'm sorry you lost your brother. hope communication and everything gets better for you

Grieving can take a while, normally longer than 3 weeks, but it does end eventually and things go back to normal. You just have to push through. I hope you find a way to manage

Its hard losing a loved one. I have schizophrenia, and i have negative symptoms. The most prominent one is being unable to talk. I can type out what i'm thinking in the state or write it out, but i can't speak vocally. this happened when my dog died, and also when my uncle died. when my dog died it was for a week, and when my uncle died two weeks. I'm not sure if what happened to me was alters or just kind voices. I saw a woman in the car next to me when we went to my uncles funeral and she hugged me and told me it would all be ok. But usually she was just a voice in my head. But i've seen her twice. I'm may have been DID but then I integrated. I feel your pain though, if you need to talk, I'll talk to you. Hugs if wanted,
Manyfaces