*Trigger Warning* Identity

Context: I'm going through a divorce; just graduated; no job, stressed; lost interest in hobbies; new interests; new pursuits; new goals; rapid switching.

I've been thinking about a name change and I plan to live abroad for a few months or so. I feel confused about who I am and what I want. Whenever I've gotten this way in the past, a new part emerges. Last time was 7 years ago. I was unstable and isolating myself then too. I thought I was reinventing myself like now.

When my T asked what my fear was of leaving, I said, "I'm afraid I won't come back." I don't think I meant it literally. I think I am actually afraid of someone living my life for a couple of years again like last time, or even longer.

Is there a way to ascertain if this is a new aspect coming out and if so, is there a way to reverse it or make it a smooth transition? It always destroys everything in my life and I have to do damage control.

Are you concerned about just identity alteration, or about a dissociative fugue (identity alteration plus amnesia)?

I'm worried about fugue. Last time this happened, it was like I gradually woke up to myself. I was wearing different clothes, had a new job I didn't like, had changed my major twice, and lost all my friends. My life felt okay until I snapped out if it. It gets me nervous.

I found old writings from the last time it happened. I made it through before, so I'll come out on the other side this time too.

What it comes down to is I'm out of my element. I refuse to be passive this time. So, I accept that parts of me may disintegrate so other parts may emerge. If this served no function, it would not occur.

I will take this in stride. A meltdown is not even optional.