problems communicating

sure it's a fear thing; been shifting hard around different states for a few weeks. was really rough for a couple of weeks, had child out a lot which is difficult as it becomes difficult to function and heath's girlfriend has been less patient; she is struggling to differentiate between behaviours of different states and got pretty mad when kid was out last week and wouldn't get off floor (kid got upset and has been increasingly non-functional, got into laundry basket and hid under clothes...gf yelled)..

kid makes it hard to talk, like talks in very broken baby speech which is worse when upset, or doesn't talk at all. yesterday was in a shop and was discussing with gf an incident that occured earlier in the day, someone got self-conscious about it and dissociated and then seth or heath was in body but someone else, probably the kid, was in control of talking and so it was stuck; feels like voice is trapped. responses come to mind, clear, but immediately restricted, like we're not allowed to speak. fear/protective/you'll get in trouble if you say anything?

I'm sorry you guys are going through this. This communication blockage happens to us when we're processing a trauma. Maybe someone inside is processing something and is falling into a similar bind?

There's a lot going on right now. Got college coming up and we just got a malamute puppy, who is immensely hard work. Add that to two cats and an eight year old kid and a house that needs taking care of, and an intensive relationship.... I feel like I want to scream everything out but everything keeps getting stuck up behind my fingers...

I don't know who I am, and I don't mean in the existential finding yourself kinda way... I mean I can't tell whose who and where I come in and if I'm in control or if I'm just watching myself. Everything feels so smooth and easy when I'm in the male state, but sometimes I have several blurring together.

gf is doing her best but keeps getting upset and frustrated, which I understand; it's hard to deal with someone with mental health problems who was so wild and explosive and then fell down... then explodes back up and drops way ######6 down.

I am struggling with the kid (alter), I don't really understand it or how to interact. I have trouble with the phrasing 'they are stronger than me' but I can't really describe it any other way, as when they come forward I am completely out of control and subject to their behaviour... (nb; 'their/they' etc used as neutral pronouns, not plural: I am unsure of child's gender). Whereas I have limited control when the boys are present or startling clarity, a wild kind of invincibility and I feel like I am in every cell of my body. There's a percieved lack of control but I feel totally -in- control with it, if that makes sense. There's an absolute lack of fear.

The child is most limiting, controls speech, either starts to shut down on every level or gets very upset and emotional (tantrums from a teen as well, possibly). It's when I can't do anything for myself or anyone else and it's causing the most problems for me. Shutting down in supermarkets, gets very clingy and close to the GF... when the mental age changes the GF has noticed and adjusts accordingly, though I told her that they feel uncomfortable when she kisses them in that state, which upset the GF and she's now freaked out about kissing a kid.

Getting told lots of stuff I have said and do not remember. Or I remember one part of what gets relayed to me and the rest sounds unfamiliar. It feels so inconsistent. GF is getting upset about me 'wanting different things week to week', and never knowing what state of mind I will be in (horrible echoes from previous relationships in which at that time I had a dx of sz) She has read various DID articles and is trying; she read the SO guide a couple of nights ago and said it gave her some new insights...

I am worried about having a hard switch and disappearing for a length of time. The discrepencies between mind states have recently been so clear. I worry about some head person coming out and ruining my life. I know that's probably more movie DID than reality, but my marriage ended due to my mental health and a particular conversation, in which I felt that one of the boys compelled me into a vicious rant, was a pivotal moment. I am not prone to nasty, spiteful insults, and this rant was absolutely vile, not only towards the spouse but also about me. It was the last time I spoke properly to the spouse. As I was at the time working with a dx of schizophrenia I was confused about the male and had been calling him some kind of entity or a psychotic delusion. Mother thought it was a demon. Go figure.

In analysis I believe it was protective-- push away source of pain; cause of mistrust; spouse was unsympathetic and pushy with sex, which led to retraction of affection out of fear. But there is so much going on right now and the relationship now has been shaky and the GF feels overwhelmed so I don't know if someone might come up to make all of that go away as well. Being alone in a bed in an empty house is pretty ######6 cold and miserable, but it's better than being misunderstood and yelled at, right?

I too have a huge problem with not being able to talk, usually in therapy. There is some sort of a reaction inside and I hear everyone's comments but I'm not allowed to say anything. So frustrating. . . What makes this happen!!??!!!?? Does anyone know?