N wants me back

Two weeks ago, my SO who left me looks to have DID. N, the male alter had disappeared and Tammy (the female alter) had taken over. It seemed to me that she ended it when N wasn't around but when he came back, he agreed with Tammy to end our relationship.

Last night, N spent the night in our attempt to share quality time as just friends while I helped him on a project I have some expertise on. He appreciated the help but as the night moved on, he would send me longing looks and physical gestures toward intimacy.

Confused, I asked him, "What is going on? I thought you just wanted a friendship." He said he doesn't understand either. Its just a feeling he has inside him that he can't explain and doesn't know where its coming from.

Is this DID related? Have any of you experienced feelings that come from nowhere but end up being from another alter? Why would the others do this? What should I do?

Twixed, I am not at all surprised that N wants you back.

Twixed wrote:Have any of you experienced feelings that come from nowhere but end up being from another alter?

Yes. This is a very common experience in DID.

In my case it was the main reason I became aware of my DID. I was experiencing a sudden overwhelming infatuation for a guy I barely knew. It was so utterly "not me" that I even said so to anyone who would listen. "I am having these feelings and they are not my feelings." And my husband agreed. But how could that be?? How could it possibly be not me? Once I was able to access the alter responsible for those feelings, for over a year my husband and I heard all about how she loved the guy, wanted the guy. She was a child and she wanted him just like a child wants a pony or a puppy or an absent parent. Inconsolable longing, self involved and innocent. Now that she has fused with me those feelings of longing are my own. They no longer overwhelm me, however. They are tempered by my knowledge that they are just feelings and do not require any particular action.

You asked what should you do. I think that if I were in your position, my goal would be for your guy's system to become fully aware that they are a multiple, and perhaps get psychotherapy to help them communicate, learn how to resolve internal conflicts without playing them out on you, perhaps even integrate. I would not tolerate a partner who subjects me to this "Now I love you. Now I don't" thing that he has going with you. Not tolerating his behavior does not mean he must change: it means that if he does not change then you must leave the relationship.

Thank you Una+. You always do the most amazing job at helping everything make more sense well as making (at least) me not feel so alone in these perplexing situations!

I love N, as well as Tammy even though they both have their differing feelings about me. N is only aware of two alters (him and Tammy), and Tammy keeps telling me that there is only her, so who knows, there could be someone else as well. They've been getting mysterious bruises that no one can account for so maybe there is a third.

Psychotherapy is best for everyone, but in the states is such an uphill battle to get medical insurance to help pay for it. N might consider it, but Tammy will say there is nothing wrong and she doesn't need it. I'll suggest it anyway.