by Johnny-Jack » Sun Dec 04, 2016 9:13 pm
Thanks everyone for the kind words and thoughts. And of course Una, especially since you spent time with Nic, thanks for yours too! Nic and I have both developed a high tolerance for switching and a much greater tolerance for being triggered. Actually Nic switches an average of maybe 50 switches a day, almost all cooperative so he's probably moved beyond tolerance.
There has been positive movement for both of us since the adoption became official. Reading the legal words "final and irrevocable" on the document kind of got through to both of us. For me, it was a clear indication that I am no longer alone. Of course neither of us have been alone since Nic got here, we've spent an inordinate amount of time with each other, an unsustainable amount really, and we're trying to create more independent lives.
For Nic, it is becoming more clear to all that his birth parents have no legal control over him whatsoever, they are legally no longer connected to him, that he is truly free. If he were to want to interact with them, he probably will again, that's entirely his choice. He controls every moment of that. I pointed out that if he were in an accident and needed someone to help him regain his health, his family would now have no legal right to step in. His littles may need the security and finality of separation even more. His mother used to kick him out of his home even when he was quite young and that fear has never really left him in our home here, though the legal adoption is helping.
After you get to know people you work with, you usually learn about their life outside of work and that sharing is important. I can't tell you how many times I've heard comments like "I guess I don't really know that much about you" even though I've known someone for a decade or more. I'm more comfortable talking about my private life now because dad-son is so much more relatable, "normal" than "guy I asked to move into my home because he had a rough childhood" or some such. As a consequence, people at work are starting to say things along the lines of "well, you know what it's like, being a dad."
I know people who live by themselves and seem quite content with that but that's never felt natural for me/us. Having a family to care about and come home to is awesome. The fact that it's several young adults and a lot of wonderful little boys and girls of various ages, that's just icing on the cake.
I hate to end this on a dark note but I need to mention what Nic and I both managed to avoid. He thought about suicide too much for someone so young. He was looking at possible homelessness, with no resources, no connections, no one to help him, and no clue about how to do well in life.
For me suicidal thoughts were even more constant. For decades, I had thought about ending my life almost every day. I had formulated plans more than once. In fact, my system only moved away from the constant suicidal ideation maybe a year ago. It was largely due to the fact that our system, which will not condone being cruel to another person, especially a child, finally admitted that our suicide, no matter how carried out, would devastate Nic and his littles. So all of us who were involved came to agree it was simply no longer an option. We needed to work our thinking away from suicide as a possibility and it's clear now that that happened over time.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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