urge to bite

First off, I want to say that I used to bite other children as a toddler, and I read up on it, and it's apparently a pretty normal phase at that age that some toddlers go through, mostly to express their feelings, good or bad.
Now lately, I've had that urge again, to bite others or myself. It's a pretty strong urge, and I don't just want to nibble, but really bite. that's unusual for me, because I'm very empathic and feel other people's pain even stronger than my own, so I can't hit or bite people or hurt them in any other way.

This leads me to thinking that I might have an alter who is trying to passively influence me that way because he or she wants to communicate with the outside world. I'm actually pretty sure that's the case, and I was thinking that that might be a good sign, as in my alters becoming more brave and step by step coming out more. I guess they just need time to realize that they're safe here and can come out whenever they want to. But it's really a strange experience for me to have.

Anyways, I just wanted to share what feels to me like a step in the right direction.
The only question I have is how to stop the urge to bite. I read up a bit on how to keep toddlers from doing that, and it basically says that you should try to tell them that biting is bad, that it hurts, but without punishing them. Anyways, I'm not sure whether that's even a good idea in my case, because I guess it's a good thing this alter is even trying to communicate when maybe he or she can't in any other way. The urge, and I guess the alter, always goes away after a few minutes or so, so it's not like it's constant or anything. I'm not that worried, just wondering if there was anything I could do, maybe to help the alter feel even more safe (I'm already trying to buy all kinds of child-stuff). I just don't really have a lot of communication going and so I'd love to make my alters feel more at ease and to have them communicate more, whether in thoughts, or passively influencing me, or hopefully at one point completely switching and actually introducing themselves to my boyfriend.

Maybe you could buy her a teething toy or something? Something that she can bite safely? That might take the edge off the urge to bite people or yourself. You could make it clear that it was exclusively her toy, which might help to make her feel like she's welcome and safe. It does sound like she wants to communicate or at least make her presence known. All the best with figuring things out

Eating crunchy or chewey food or chewing on gum helps me. Urges are like tics, so sometimes you have to replace the urge with something else. Think along the lines of impulse control or Tourette's.

I had this experience a couple years ago when my little two-year-old feral child/wolfdog Ashar awoke. In our case, he was triggered into the body a few times and unlike with most other alters, we didn't have much effect on his control of the body. (It's still limited.) I realized based on his behavior that he was looking around for somebody to bite and I'm quite sure that if anyone had gotten near, he would have bitten them and hard. Biting is an effective defense or weapon, especially for a child, and I'm sure it's an instinct for any mammal with teeth.

*** trigger for abuse details ***
Because the body had been tied down and tortured, when he switched in, he was immobilized and wasn't going to go walk to find someone. Biting seems to have been his only defense so it's not surprising he would take on the characteristics of a wolfdog, especially since his abuser was the animal alter of the DID mother. After his initial appearance, Jack searched around for Ashar inside, picked him up, then immediately announced he had gotten bit (no pain because they were both inside). The whole experience then was bizarre but now I know more of the details, it all makes sense.
*** end trigger ***

Ashar can't speak so we sent him images of safety and invited him into the body (well, kept him in it after he was triggered in) for some neutral time and shortly he started to move about on his own. I agree wholeheartedly with the idea that you should give her something. A toy could make a big difference, especially the point that it is her toy. Although it wasn't to stop Ashar from biting but to teach him he had hands rather than paws, we bought him a small blue squishy car and I'm pretty sure he knows it's his.

Thanks for the replies.

Owleyes wrote:Maybe you could buy her a teething toy or something?

Owleyes wrote:You could make it clear that it was exclusively her toy, which might help to make her feel like she's welcome and safe.

I will do that it would be great if it made her feel more safe and welcome

AltCtrlDel wrote:Eating crunchy or chewey food or chewing on gum helps me. Urges are like tics, so sometimes you have to replace the urge with something else.

That's been my instinctive idea on how to deal with it. it does help, though it's not exactly the kind of biting she wants to do. But thank you for sharing.

Johnny-Jack wrote: Biting is an effective defense or weapon, especially for a child, and I'm sure it's an instinct for any mammal with teeth.

you really think it's a defense? even though I have to admit that it is a possibility that biting was used as a defense in an abuse situation, now it seems to be more for communication on a general level, mostly to show affection. it was probably a little different in your case there. it's just that when I researched about that biting phase, it clearly said that it's a normal phase and it didn't say anything about it being a defense mechanism. could still be the case in some cases, but it's not what that phase in "normal" toddlers is for, usually.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Ashar can't speak so we sent him images of safety and invited him into the body (well, kept him in it after he was triggered in) for some neutral time and shortly he started to move about on his own. I agree wholeheartedly with the idea that you should give her something. A toy could make a big difference, especially the point that it is her toy. Although it wasn't to stop Ashar from biting but to teach him he had hands rather than paws, we bought him a small blue squishy car and I'm pretty sure he knows it's his.

I will try to send images of safety then. and yes, toys are definitely a good idea. (I guess having children would come in handy here xD I would at least have a "sane" excuse to buy kids stuff)

confused_girly wrote:

Johnny-Jack wrote: Biting is an effective defense or weapon, especially for a child, and I'm sure it's an instinct for any mammal with teeth.

you really think it's a defense?

I definitely think it's an defense instinct but it's also a play instinct. I'm thinking of puppies, baby chimps, and how they often bite in play. And what is play, after all, but experimenting with and perfecting actions which may have survival benefits later in life: running, pouncing, wrestling, climbing. Biting could also just be the way an alter expresses herself.

For Ashar, biting was a defining characteristic. Little John didn't know about Adam at first, since it seems Little John followed and replaced Adam. But he knew Ashar, who probably protected (took the abuse for) Little John as he had done Adam. When we asked him if he knew who Ashar was, he opened and closed his mouth a few times in a biting action.

I would ask myself when do I notice this urge to bite? I sometimes have a strong urge to suck my thumb. I notice that it's during times of emotiona upheaval. So, I have learned that I can say something like, "not right now. I have it under control, but if I need your help, I will definetly ask." It seems like that little part has/had a big role to play back in the day. It's shocking to be in your thirties and want to suck your thumb. So maybe try some form of communcation. It works for me.

Fracturedself wrote:I would ask myself when do I notice this urge to bite? I sometimes have a strong urge to suck my thumb. I notice that it's during times of emotiona upheaval. So, I have learned that I can say something like, "not right now. I have it under control, but if I need your help, I will definetly ask." It seems like that little part has/had a big role to play back in the day. It's shocking to be in your thirties and want to suck your thumb. So maybe try some form of communcation. It works for me.

Thank you for the reply. hmmm, I will try communication when the urge next hits me. I just wish i could find out the motivation behind it. Is it just the will to communicate, is it affection, or a defense mechanism, or what? I don't know yet.

I just notice that these days she's even biting in her sleep, resulting in me waking up with a sore tongue or inner cheek. I mean, that isn't the worst injury, but I hope that it won't continue for too long. What worries me a little about this is that in theory, it's self-harm, and what reason could a little have for self-harm (probably a naive question, thinking about what alters usually have been through).