do you experience this?

you became co-conscious about an alter somehow, which shows up to deal with certain situations, and in these situations you need to become that alter, but it is not accessible anymore.
let's say in 2 weeks you have a certain appointment and you yourself are not able to handle, but you have co-consciousness about an alter, which can handle.
Then in this 2 weeks you are fragmented and not functioning (at all, but in a sort of being nobody nowhere state) but trying to get access (in my case if possible remembering and adapting certain routines) and eventually it happens (switching) or not and if not, you have to cancel appointment or *trigger warning* start hurting yourself somehow.
In this 2 weeks you are just many little fragments and don't function at all.
When you suceed in switching, you forget about the fragmentation and feel like another person, the memory of the fragmentation is gone.
After the appointment you are disorientated again, as you feel strange to yourself, but at the same time, there is no sense of "you" (self).
It feels so hurtful each time.
can you relate?

OMG yes!

3 years ago I was told I had cancer. I had to have surgery and do a round of chemo.
3 years ago I was also a complete mess of a person. I hated myself so bad and I was SO scared of people! I spent the mass majority of my time locked in my apartment trying to avoid everyone as best as I could.
Cancer treatment is no fun for someone with severe social anxieties. I had to see specialist after specialist and had to goto another town because my town didn't have the proper medical facilities.
It was overwhelming.
Then the most beautiful kid I've ever known came out. He was 7 or 8 years old...and he dealt with EVERYTHING for me! I didn't have any fears at all! No anxieties, no nothing! He was so brave and so trusting! Everything was like an intellectual playground for him and he carried me through the entire experience.

Almost 1 year exactly later...I was told my cancer was back and that it had spread.
I was a freaking mess...I was told I was going to have to go through several months of much more intense chemo, and possibly more surgery.
I SO desperately wanted the little boy to come back for me. I cried more then once because he wouldn't. It felt like such a loss and I needed him so badly.

I'm afraid I'll never seen this kid again and it kind of breaks my heart.
He was the greatest little boy I've ever known in my entire life. He was so brave and so strong!