Tips for helping a depressed alter?

I wish I could help her. She is aching inside. Agony. Despair. Hopelessness. Worthlessness. Powerlessness. Every moment is torture for her. She has never felt anything good before - the best she's ever felt is numbness (which just makes her want to die, as no feelings makes it easier to think/plan such things). She's crying inside. She's sorry, so sorry, so sorry. She hates herself. She doesn't want to be hated, but feels she deserves it at the same time. I want to help her! My life has improved so much in the last few years and I want her to share some of it! The most I've ever been able to help her is by validating her pain, and by doing what I can to stop niva from attacking her/making it worse. She doesn't share any of my good memories/feelings. She sees me happy, or Sonja, and it just baffles her and depresses her because it seems so unattainable. Serotonin/SSRIs/SNRIs/anti-depressant drugs make it worse (because they numb her) - anyways I am not depressed, and I am usually in charge, and I don't want to be numbed either! We are able to tolerate a NDRI (wellbutrin) but it also doesn't help her, only me... Any advice/thoughts? Do you also have an alter like this?

*PTW - mentions substances legal and not*

For our system's depression and anxiety, we looked into natural alternatives because modern meds numb us too and often make us way worse than we started off as.
Our system is doing some experiments with a plant called Kanna at the moment, and for me (depression/anxiety) it helps a great deal and it has been very good for Thalyssa as well (apathy/emotional numbness). We have a thread on some of our experiences with it. So far it has been a good help considering the amount of stuff we're going through at the moment. Without it we'd be far worse.

Our previous host who we call The Other was our dangerously depressive/suicidal part. I'm not recommending you go out and try some by any means if it doesn't suit you or your beliefs/morals, but our system found that *PTW* smoking cannabis *PTW* did wonders for helping her see the beauty and good in the world. It lifted her depression considerably and gave her a new outlook on many things.That, meditation and daily exercise (30+ min walk) most likely saved our lives during our dark days.

Thanks for your feedback, Alex . I will look into Kanna. We have to be careful with many natural and synthetic drugs though, because we react strangely to a lot of them (like panicking over ativan or valerian root). Cannabis is nice for some of us sometimes, but it doesn't really help the depressive. I think the hardest thing with her is her hopelessness - she doesn't have reason to even try. I think I may have to push her out of her 'comfort zone' and make her post in the 'teens' forum. Nothing seems to help her that I do, I think it has to be HER doing. She doesn't have the energy to exercise - but the rest of us do - it's vital for our well-being!

We had a really bad reaction to Ativan as well, you're not alone in that one. We have a real nasty time with a lot of modern meds which is why we try to find natural plant alternatives. If one plant doesn't work, there's often many alternatives that may help that have same or similar effects. It might be worth going to a holistic clinic to ask about some of those alternatives in more detail. We have some knowledge of that stuff, but not nearly as much as a homeopath would. It would be something to consider if you're able. They also are on general a bit more open minded than a lot of pharama-physicians.

I don't want to spend 100s of $s on a Naturopath again, but if I ever come across some kanna I'll give it a try (though I have read that it is a SSRI, which makes me weary...). Aidan used to obsess, for years, about alternative/natural remedies (he was trying to 'fix' us), but after trying 100s of things, the only supplements that have ever made a noticeable difference were l-theanine, melatonin, and macca root (and of course the micro-nutients that I became deficient in from AN); I still take various [probably useless] things though..

I am hesitant on taking natural or synthetic drugs to 'treat' the depressive - since there are a few of us, I don't know how we will each react (I, personally, am not interested in being 'high' anymore - I don't even drink); it is also complicated by the fact that I, the 'host'/whatever who is usually running the show, do not suffer from depression anymore, and neither do the rest of us. I am hoping there might be something more basic (i.e. I validate and accept her unconditionally, but she rejects good things due to her feelings of worthlessness and fear of contaminating others). I have seen a lot of growth/changes in myself, ninchen, niva, and even Sonja (and Aidan doesn't go out of control now that we're on Abilify), but the depressive is still trapped. Her not being around as much may seem like an improvement, but when she does come out she's in as much pain as ever...

I don't know any of you, so I can only guess and try to help. Every alter is different, so what might work for one might not work for others. My reading skills with english text suck, so maybe I misunderstood some things. Sorry if I did.

Is it certain that she is crying inside and hating herself? because that would be quite wierd if she doesn't have emotions at all, if all she has is numbness. Jasmine also feels no emotion at all, no hate, no fear, no happyness. The closest thing to an emotion she has is some kind of connection with Jeff. I don't know if it is some kind of feeling or simply her understanding of Jeff meaning no harm at all, but whenever she needs something she first talks to Jeff about it. If he isn't around, she doesn't tell anyone.

I don't know if it can be of any help, but I'll just go and tell how she got that connection with Jeff

Jasmine always loved to be alone, just spend her time by looking at things for hours. No talking, no conversations, only looking at things. She didn't talk because she feels no need to talk to anyone. One day she did want to ask someone to help her moving some things in her home (touching things hurts her), but everytime someone replied it took her a few minutes to understand what has been said, so she just stood there, processing what has been said. The normal reaction for the other was to walk away, since Jasmine didn't do anything anyway, she just stood there like a statue. (which most of us mistook as a sign of nervousness). She also asked Jeff, who just sat down next to her, waiting for her to finish processing everything. Ever since, Jasmine went to Jeff, and she has been talking a bit more too. She might not feel happy or whatever (she feels nothing at all), but she did open up some more. That way we learned more and more about what is going on with her.
Maybe some random informal socializing can help you understand why your alter is depressed? That way you might be able to help her. Just remember that not all alters are as complex as humans, maybe (and I must admit I don't like saying it to you) she just doesn't have happyness, just like Jasmine has no emotions at all.

The depressive is not emotionally numb - she does have anhedonia though (is numb to positive emotions). Aidan is the one who doesn't feel. He has no reason to interact with others unless he has a logical/rational point to make to others.

The depressive feels an enormous amount of psychological pain/suffering/agony/etc. It is hard to get her to talk to others because she is convinced that she will hurt/contaminate them, that she's bad/evil/toxic. She is usually too depressed to cry. She feels very ashamed to exist. She has that paralyzing freeze response like Jasmine, trying to comprehend; she struggles to respond even when she does comprehend...

The depressive opened up a bit on the teens page (http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100607-650.html). I see this as progress, especially because she hasn't deleted it. Sonja had the great idea of working towards integrating with the depressive (she can't feel painful emotions; the depressive has anhedonia. So they'd balance each other out nicely). This makes me apprehensive, because Sonja has no idea what she's getting herself into (I feel the need to protect her from that pain...).
So how do you expect to integrate them?
I have absolutely no idea. You?
No
With Cedar and Sonja's integration, I have no idea how that happened. Sonja just told me recently that she did have positive emotions (she used to be as numb as Aidan, but could fake happiness exceptionally well. Cedar was the one who felt [only] happy).

So that's a goal to blindly work towards.

And also the work in T we've agreed to do - working on self-disgust/BDD by revisiting the past again ... This is terrifying for us - I know that I can't handle it, so the depressive will be doing most of the work, and ninchen. We know from experience that this type of hard work pays off in the end, but it's still really hard work, especially for the depressive because she doesn't have any hope...

I'm going to change our signature, because 'it/beast/thing' are niva's insults to the depressive. I've been asking her what her name should be; 'Jane' is the only name that's come up, so I'll see if that feels right for her, if she's responsive to it. Aidan keeps complaining that I'm spelling his name wrong (it should be Aiden), So I'll change that too

I told our T about Jane's feelings, but spent most of my effort in staying grounded, because I was losing it! I've agreed to let her talk (if I can/if she will) next time - I just needed my T to know that I am not on the same page as Jane with her self-loathing/blame. We've discovered her purpose - she exists to take the abuse when there's no hope (ninchen's fear). It's all she knows. Of course..

Oh god. I'm so scared. I feel so sick. I can't. He's going to hate me

Has he ever hated you before?

...no. I don't understand. He should. You're lying to him! You're making me seem helpless and innocent. It's my fault. I'm bad.

You're not, sweetie. The only bad people are the ones who hurt you, and you DIDN'T DESERVE IT!

I feel so gross. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I know. I will do whatever I can to help you. You're worth it.

I don't want you to waste your energy. I'm sorry. please just give up on me. There's no hope.

I have hope. I have hope that you will feel hope some day too... You know how ninchen overcame so much of her fear by being brave? You need to do that same thing - do the opposite of what your hopelessness tells you.

I hope sharing my experience might give you a couple of ideas

---------------------TRIGGER WALL------------------------------------

the turning point of my 15 year long depression was when my ex-alter attempted suicide by food poisoning.
after vomiting and diarrhea for a whole day, I got medicine but even then I couldn't eat normally for 6 weeks after the incident because of damage to my internal organs. it was hard but one thing was clear and is my body's will to survive.

--------------------TRIGGER- END------------------------------------------

I realized that our body is given all sorts of tools to survive extreme situations and that only means there is something in this world that wants us to live at any cost, and has provided the tools for our survival so that we can live fully and not be occupied by our survival.
my depression went downhill after I made this realization