Notes between us

*trigger - hostile alter*

I started writing about Saffron on this thread:

dissociative-identity/topic116491.html

But it was getting mixed up with the main topic of the thread so I'll continue here. I asked them another question about Saffron's role and found it was more specific than I thought. The alter who wrote back was really hostile again.
But then I got another note, that I should write about our relationship with the person who Saffron is closest to, and that they wouldn't let Saffron know and not to be scared of Alicia.
Now that I know the name of the hostile alter, I think she is more angry. She is insisting she is called Satan, not Alicia.
But I'm told its safe so I will think about continuing my writing.

well done, it sounds like you re slowly gettin to know more of you

Yes, this is good I'm pleased to find I'm not alone in wanting to explore and heal further, that I have back up from at least one other alter.
Sounds like Alicia doesn't have as much power as I thought. Not sure I can take someone so seriously when they're calling themselves 'Satan'.

I find that, when I met abusive alters, they were often in reality very vulnerable and hurt too.

But it takes a while to get through their pantser.

I can relate to her pickin the term of 'Satan', she probably wants to be taken very seriously and to be seen as a danger?

Think of a scared small child wearing a big scary mask. Our "angry" parts usually wear anger as a mask concealing far more vulnerable emotions.

Yes, it seems she is very scared. I don't know quite what's going on, how she relates to Saffron and the person Saffron is attached to, but I'm guessing from her behavior and the situations in question, that she is a teenager. I already know Saffron is 17. If I think about it, however, I'll probably only come to wrong conclusions. Better to wait for more communication. They know they're invited to write in the book, so I'll just wait and try the writing that the calmer alter suggested. Hopefully now I've established communication with Alicia, however hostile, there's a chance of reaching some understanding at some point.

*trigger warning*

I understand now about Alicia's behavior. She's protecting. She thinks Saffron will become suicidal and sees the self-abuse as a way to protect us from this.

We've just gone into shock and I don't know why. It's a bit better now. We're just going to drink tea and relax. Maybe better not to look into reasons for the shock til we feel a bit stronger.

Think I've just found out what Saffron isn't supposed to find out. And I feel nothing. It just proved my re enactment theory about another relationship, that's all. Think we don't have to deal with it today.

I'm glad you're able to figure more out. Thinking of you (all)

Thanks it's tough, but I think we are getting better at setting limits. Know when to stop the processing before it gets into a state we can't stop. I wrote the new info down ready to be looked at, but not looking at it until the time is right. I was promised that the info is being kept from Saffron so I won't worry about that unless I get a new warning.
The younger alter is still in shock. I am feeling it since Friday, the feelings of shock affect our body, but not all the time. I know why she's shocked and I know who she is and how old she is now, but no name yet.
I think we need some pressures taken off us, we have pressure in everyday life that is too much when we are learning so much. But I can arrange this, I think the key is just not rushing things and being careful and asking for the right help.