biggie update READ PLZ

*trigger warning*

hey guys.
so i have an update Its kind of a big update but I guess you could look at it many different ways.

So somehow my mother can see when im on the forum at all at home so I have been completely avoiding home internet access and because I only have about two more weeks of school, that means my internet time must be used uber wisely, and in two weeks I may not have any internet access attall for the next two months.

Even after the next two months ill be starting my first year of highschool next year and I have no clue how highschool capa will like/treat me. Im gonna be trying to come back to my school im at now to help out with drama club, but the schools are so far away…. Im gonna have some trouble. But anyways im going to be wrighting to my teachers and keeping in contact bercause without these guys I would have fallen apart a long lng time ago and im almost certain I will without them
but I guess ill have to move on anyways. But im gonna miss it here. The teachers, people who understand what im going through, although next year I start with a clean slate, I guess it’s a good thing and a bad thing. I mean its good because all the phycological watching like constant crazy person watch wont happen next year and ill explain that in a second, and no one will know about the rest of me which a gain is good and bad) but then now im going into a new school AGAIN with new teachers and councelors who don’t know or even understand my situation at home. No one will know I have sensory overload and that I cant handle loud noises strong smells ect. No one will understand me except the friends in my grade. But I guess ill work on it……

Okay more updateyness yesterday I had to leave school around 11;30 and go take a mental health assessment. We went out to lunch and then spent until 3;20 there finishing the test./ I feel horrible. My grandma had to be in the room with me so I didn’t answer hal;f of the questions ruight. TRIIGGER WARNING*** have you ever been any kind of abused? “no” ect.***END TRIGGER WARNING before I left I was trying to get lunch and I was on my way down to my science teachers room to talk to her hope fully ( the one that reported the stuff) and my grandma was waiting in the office. I felt like curling up and crying myself to sleep. Walked in the room to grab my stuff andf pt my salad on the table offering it to the other students in the room. Science teacher was concerned ( I don’t get like that often) and told me when I got my stuff to meet her in the math room. I did and she kept trying to get me to bring some of my food with and in the end I didn’t I just went up to her and hugged her with tears wellinhg in my eyes. I wanted to beg her to please not make me go….. but I never did.

And I asked if she could stay in the otherroom while I tested but james said that she had to come in. so now james is coming to see me next wekek to go over my treatment plan with me and ill tell him then. I hope this guy learns stuff cuz let me tell you im gonna be a hard case to handle……
\

My school has been watching me like a hawk the last month. Somehow they got I was going to hurt myself last Friday out of “its too loud” and dumb b***h mahogany asked me if I was covering my ears because I was hearing mionsters. That little urd just likes spreading fake rumours about me and apparently me being crazy is her lie of choice this time. Luckily no one really even listenes to her anymore because she has her own set of mental problems starting with the biggerst mouth anyone has ever heard on a 7th grader…….

In more emotional news, I have been trying all week to get help. Ive been realizing more and more things and sometimes I just don’t know what to do. I just realized that my aunt has scars on her arm from my grandma digging her nails into her arm (or so ive been told) and that I have had marks left from her nails. That’s wrong. So is tripping your kid because its funny. But that dosnt only happen to me and if I wasn’t in the house I was it problyu wouldn’t be considered threatening. But it only takes that one tinme I hit my haed on the wall and pass out…….


I just want to run up to my teachers and spll everything. Let them know things at home are getting worse and worse byu the day. And cry and beg please don’t make me go back ill do anything just keep me out of there. But I cant do that. Ive tried and failed to many times to count. At lunch im gonna go try to talk to miss b. nevermind shes gone on a field trip today. So my science teacher it is. I need to cry to somebody. I just want out. I don’t want to have to wait until I get seriously hurt there to be able to leave and I don’t want to spend a weekend there let alone an entire 2 months. Please god just help me. There has to be something somebody can do? Anybody? Do something! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me out…….. just do something… I DON’T UNDERSTAND! HOW COULD THERE BE NOTHING YOU CAN DO ?!?!?!??!? and I don’t even know if they started to investigate anything. But im pretty sure they havnt. WHY ? ISNT THERE SOMETHING SOMEBODY CAN DO?!!?!?!?!?!!? SOMEBODY HAS TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING!!!! CAN NOBODY HERE ME! IM RIGHT HERE AND ASKING FOR HELP! DO SOMETHING. BUT NOBODY WILL. THEY NEVER DO. noboy even tries.

save me from this nightmare

adn i dont think my grandma even realizes what she does is wrong.......... if i tell the rest of the family will shun me and hate me....... my mom didint even comehome from work last night........

my family dosnt understand beause all my family seems to veiw that stuff as ok......... its embarassing



somebody
anybody











save me



~jackilyn

D--m. Sorry Jackilyn. Same stuff goes on in her house. Don't get how the school system, or her family, can view any of what's happening to her (and probably you) as ok.
Love
Shadow

I'm sorry you're in so much pain I hope you're able to talk to your support worker and tell him everything so he is better able to help you leave your home.

Thinking of you.

It's so annoying that your grandmother made you feel pressured during the assessment. I would want to try it again, but with someone I was comfortable with taking me. Don't give those people any more excuses to say nothing is wrong.

About high school, I would go to the main office and see what they can do. I haven't been in your situation, but that seems like the first place you'd find help.

-Jeff

Ow hun,

I hear you cryin and hear your pain.

I m holdin you close (if you can bear that) and let you get those tears well up and out.

It s gonna be scary a new school with new pupils but it will be exitin too in a way as you describe it as a clean lay to begin with.

I can but imagine how hard it must be to go without internet for two months.

I SO hope that your teacher B can mean somethin to you in this.

If they know anythin about DID they must know somethin causes it, and it s not hard lookin for the cause.

I can t help you out on the practical side but whenever you need to scream out, I want to be there if I can.

Love

Nina11

-- Fri May 10, 2013 6:36 pm --

Ow hun,

I hear you cryin and hear your pain.

I m holdin you close (if you can bear that) and let you get those tears well up and out.

It s gonna be scary a new school with new pupils but it will be exitin too in a way as you describe it as a clean lay to begin with.

I can but imagine how hard it must be to go without internet for two months.

I SO hope that your teacher B can mean somethin to you in this.

If they know anythin about DID they must know somethin causes it, and it s not hard lookin for the cause.

I can t help you out on the practical side but whenever you need to scream out, I want to be there if I can.

Love

Nina11

-- Fri May 10, 2013 6:36 pm --

Ow hun,

I hear you cryin and hear your pain.

I m holdin you close (if you can bear that) and let you get those tears well up and out.

It s gonna be scary a new school with new pupils but it will be exitin too in a way as you describe it as a clean lay to begin with.

I can but imagine how hard it must be to go without internet for two months.

I SO hope that your teacher B can mean somethin to you in this.

If they know anythin about DID they must know somethin causes it, and it s not hard lookin for the cause.

I can t help you out on the practical side but whenever you need to scream out, I want to be there if I can.

Love

Nina11

FaithinWrongthings wrote:*trigger warning*

hey guys.
so i have an update Its kind of a big update but I guess you could look at it many different ways.

So somehow my mother can see when im on the forum at all at home so I have been completely avoiding home internet access and because I only have about two more weeks of school, that means my internet time must be used uber wisely, and in two weeks I may not have any internet access attall for the next two months.

I know this isn't the reason for the post, but did you use private browsing?

I am so sorry for your current level of pain. Starting a new school is scary & finding someone new whom you can actually trust may feel impossible...but...

2 things come to mind for me. 1) You are never without the internet if you are within walking distance of any library - the school's, your town's. 2) Talking & venting is important for sure. Feel out the guidance councilor at your new school. The best help will usually come from someone who understands Psychology - however, this is not always the case, so go with your gut.

Actually, another thought has just occurred. Why not speak to your current confidant. Just bc you are changing schools does NOT mean that this person must no longer be in your life. Maybe you can work something out...keep in touch, briefly, until you feel comfortable & are adjusting to your new school.

And, you always have us here on the forum.

Feel better wishes coming your way...Sotrsab

I'm sorry you hurt so much. *gentle wag* Imagine a little red dog sitting right next to you wagging her tail and smiling at you and that's me. *wag wag wag*

when i was stuck in the summer i made up a language so no one could read my journal and i learned how to lock computer files
i also buried messages outside
i didn't always find them though so those were messages for faeries and angels in the end

since this is an update opost ill put it here:
so todays performance day yay! and my sisters not here....... but watcha gonna do she thinks she broke her knee. but all is welln hopefully. saw the weird phycologist and she was acting..... well...... funny. like she took a happy pill. but umm she was all like " i here your doing better" and i just smilled all fake friendly and walked away to lmao.............. its just hilaious that she thinks thath because i dont tell hdr anything that im doing better...... heheheheh........ anyways my sensiory overload is bieng present with a formal inroduction (read headache) and oh my day needs to get better within 4 hours.

but ibve been in the library all day. im going to rerite my letter to the president considering i lost the first one. but ive got time. i ran out opf school work so ive got not much else to do at this point. oh and i for sure graduating becvause i turned in some work in math and now im at a d cuz im just cool like that ok ima go now............

oh! and i get to babysit my 6 month old cousin all weekend away from the a*shole i call my uncle.

so doing better today i suppose!

~jackilyni dont think anybody likes me anymore. i tried to be nice but noone wants to play with me or be nice back and im sorry that i get mad when you dont understand i just do so dont be mad at me please
-i want a name

Sorry, I'm not sure how to reply to most of this, though I'm glad things are going better but I do have something to say to the "new " part:

Hi there. I'm sorry you're so upset right now, that doesn't sound like fun. How old are you, if you feel okay with my asking? I haven't talked to you before but I think you seem nice. I hope you get a name and start feeling better soon