Low dose Ibogaine - astonishing results!

tribeofone wrote:

Una wrote:Frankly, for purposes of repairing structural dissociation LSD sounds so much safer, at least for me.

True, LSD has helped us uncover quite ab bit of our stuff, in profoundly life-changing ways. I haven't looked into it being used specifically for dissociation

I specified structural dissociation, not dissociation in general. Dell, and more recently Dell and Laddis (IIRC) have published articles arguing that structural dissociation is qualitatively different from dissociation meaning depersonalization/derealization. I think they are right. And in my experience it is the psychedelic action (not the dissociative nor the deliriant action) of certain hallucinogens that somehow gets at the structural dissociation.

tribeofone wrote:I also have to say, I don't really believe in "bad trips".

I suspect your concept of a "bad trip" is different than mine. For me, it mostly involves feeling intensely physically ill. This is not in the least enviable.

tribeofone wrote:if there is more trauma that I absolutely need to know about it can come out or shut up

Exactly.

so, time for an update!

it has been a few weeks now and I am still not quite sure what I have just done to my brain, but it is definitely a good thing!

If I didn't know I had DID (that is, if I didn't know I lived as a collective until a while ago) I'd have a hard time believing it. I'm not talking about denial so much (as there is little point denying that all we posted on here really happened when it happened) as the fact that the inside has changed dramatically since the Iboga.

It feels almost as if I'd been reset to the status and experience of myself I had before the DID was first triggered, only with full knowldge of my alters and their issues. In everyday life, I am still a bit volatile in some regards, but emotions and thoughts now feel like mine rather than an alter's. I can still tell when an alter is trying to intervene, but they don't switch out fully - it is more like they flag up something and then let me deal with it.

My head is quiet. The constant conversations have died down. I'm clear and focused. I don't switch so much as gently move through states of being.

Most of all, perhaps, I've stopped obsessing about DID, hence why I've been very quiet on the forums in the past few weeks. It just doesn't seem to take up that much of my thoughts any more (probably because it is not as disruptive any more). In a sense, I almost miss the mayhem, but there can be no doubt that I am way more functional than before. I am suddenly confronted with life choices I would not even have thought of before, because I was so wrapped up in the drama in my head I could not think past the next week.

I can still access the inner world, but it has changed dramatically. Where there once was a garden made of glass, there is now a strong, living tree (the tree for me was always the aptest symbol for our system, seeing as we all came from the same seed and then branched out). The tree is there every time I look, it seems to be there to stay. I can feel how it is changing my self-perception - where I felt fragile and vulnerable I now feel a new strenght and resilience.

I honestly have no idea what happened, but it is a world of difference to a month ago. I'm more curious than ever to see how far I can push this.

Thank you for updating. It's really interesting to read about your journey. I wish you the very best in healing.

it's a helluva 'drug' and I am glad you had amazing experiences with it. I look forward to getting some when I get to the right continent ;P

I had a friend use ibogain for her heroin addiction.
It had great results but not lasting, I don't know if I contribute with this info to the conversation but
I am wondering if one has to repeat the procedure every couple of months.

gin-chan: well, yeah - it is going to get you through detox without pain, but it is not going to prevent you from sticking the next needle into your arm a week later.

I've never had a serious drug habit, but I imagine in such cases it would have to be combined with therapy and self help to really change one's entire life and habits, or the reason one took drugs in the first place is just going to come back.

How are you doing now?

I want to try Ibogaine for NPD. Splitting is infact a major part of NPD, I believe a crucial part. Ibogaine should ideally help merge these splits as well.
As I see it, splits are caused and maintained by unresolved fears. Ibogaines IMO key feature is that of kappa opioid agonism. Same feature as Salvia Divinorum (and it seems ketamine as well). Both seem to cause specific trips where suppressed fears are faced and exctincted. Salvia is a pure agonist, Ibogaine hits a whole bunch of other receptors as well. Salvia, I imagine can do the same as ibogaine, but Ibogaine does other stuff that seems worthwhile like a long acting BDNF increase in the VTA.
Kappa opioid receptors seem to mediate fear context recall and fear extinction and this is how I found salvia and ibogaine - not through stories but through research, stories then confirmed it. So I presume both plants actually produce widespread fear extinction which results in the uninhibited afterglow and feelings of connectedness and meaning. Ibogaines metabolite continues to push BDNF in some areas providing a long lasting effect that is definitely supportive in the context that you need to learn new habits and a new way of living. If I only thought I need to extinct fears I might be in favour of salvia as it is much quicker but I have done some drugs induced changes to my brain and ibogaine seems better are removing these.

Hi addx,

doing rather well and getting better every day, thank you

Interesting plan re Ibo for NPD - have to say, I'm quite sceptical about the whole concept of "personality disorders" b/c they treat the self or "personality" as some sort of fixed object that once f****d up is beyond repair - I think that's a load of crap tbh.

But I assume right now you find yourself in the description enough to identify with it, so that's a fair starting point (just don't get too attached to your "diagnosis", Ibo is full of surprises in that regard). I agree partially about the splitting - it definitely has to do with fear of certain aspects of the self that get projected onto others. Ibo can help a lot with recognising that and helping you to own your shiz. But if narcisssism is your problem, fear is not the core issue (in fact I wonder if a Narc without fear - e.g. of humiliation - wouldn't fulfil the description of a sociopath). The core issue imo is that Narcs cannot feel true love for themselves OR others - hence the fragile ego and lack of empathy. My personal theory is that there is something gone wrong in the development of the mirror neuron system (in all PDs).

Ibo can actually help with that as well, since as you say it releases growth hormones in the brain that can help to grow new neural pathways. But the thing is, in order to grow them you have to use them, i.e. you have to make an active effort to use the underdeveloped mirror neuron circuits to stimulate neural growth. In plain English, you have to make an effort to put yourself into other people's shoes and feel with them, see things from their perspective rather than yours (at least that's what I glean from the behaviour of people I would tentatively put in the Narc corner. Personally, I'm more of an anti-Narc, I have to learn to own my perspective and stick with it). Practice, practice, practice...

Anyhow, I'm glad more people are turning to Ibo as I think it is an amazing tool and ally - but don't forget that with any tool, you have to do the work yourself. Ibo is not going to magically infuse you with empathy and morality, it can just help you grow a brain that is capable of them.

Good luck and keep us posted how it goes!

tribeofone wrote:Hi addx,

doing rather well and getting better every day, thank you

good to hear

Interesting plan re Ibo for NPD - have to say, I'm quite sceptical about the whole concept of "personality disorders" b/c they treat the self or "personality" as some sort of fixed object that once f****d up is beyond repair - I think that's a load of crap tbh.

But I assume right now you find yourself in the description enough to identify with it, so that's a fair starting point (just don't get too attached to your "diagnosis", Ibo is full of surprises in that regard). I agree partially about the splitting - it definitely has to do with fear of certain aspects of the self that get projected onto others. Ibo can help a lot with recognising that and helping you to own your shiz. But if narcisssism is your problem, fear is not the core issue (in fact I wonder if a Narc without fear - e.g. of humiliation - wouldn't fulfil the description of a sociopath). The core issue imo is that Narcs cannot feel true love for themselves OR others - hence the fragile ego and lack of empathy. My personal theory is that there is something gone wrong in the development of the mirror neuron system (in all PDs).

Ibo can actually help with that as well, since as you say it releases growth hormones in the brain that can help to grow new neural pathways. But the thing is, in order to grow them you have to use them, i.e. you have to make an active effort to use the underdeveloped mirror neuron circuits to stimulate neural growth. In plain English, you have to make an effort to put yourself into other people's shoes and feel with them, see things from their perspective rather than yours (at least that's what I glean from the behaviour of people I would tentatively put in the Narc corner. Personally, I'm more of an anti-Narc, I have to learn to own my perspective and stick with it). Practice, practice, practice...

Anyhow, I'm glad more people are turning to Ibo as I think it is an amazing tool and ally - but don't forget that with any tool, you have to do the work yourself. Ibo is not going to magically infuse you with empathy and morality, it can just help you grow a brain that is capable of them.

Good luck and keep us posted how it goes!

I'm still not sure do I have BPD or NPD or whatever but I have my own postulation.

IMO, you're both right and wrong in your idea of NPD. Yes, the receiving emotinal circuits are shut off(mirror neuron). But I feel they are shut of by a deep seated fear, not becase the hardware doesn't support it. It might even be caused by emotional oversensitivity, causing the NPDer to shut down the mirror neuron input at young age, especially if abused and emotionaly oversensitive at the same time.
Having other peoples ugly emotions go through your mirror neuron system is probably not nice, especially for a child. It is also obvious that even normal humans have the capacity to shut it down and they do - when they're fearful, when they're facing an enemy etc. There's no empathy then even with normal people. So the human body has an ability to shut this down. NPDers seem to fear opening this up to the point of rather losing their lives.

This causes the following. The mind learns the physicality of an object by touching it, by seeing it, by throwing it, manipulating it. The mind learns the emotionality of an object by allowing the mirror neuron schema to receive its emotions. Like you touch an object to see how hard the surface is, likewise you "feel" a person feelings to see how they feel.

Not being able to do that, because of mirror neuron shutdown, causes the narc to never realise there's other emotional beings aside from him. He never "felt" any other so there are none other. To a narc, all objects are not emotional and therefore he is free to manipulate them any way he finds fit. His car and his house and his wife are all on the same level for him.

I want Ibo to surface these deep seated fears so I can extinct them and finally relax.

I have had these fears removed for an hour, accidentaly, there is a story somewhere. I have felt like a zen-NoN for an hour or so. It was a very weird interaction of a UTI fever, hypomania and cannabis that caused this and I was never able to replicate it. But I know it is possible from this and from all I've read, both neurologic research and reports, Ibo could possibly replicate this.

Hey, I know it's been years since the last post in this topic, but I was wondering if you have any updates on your mental wellbeing?