Full Personalities that NEVER come out.

Sounds like you got pretty comprehensive answers already but let me get my own troupe straight in my head in your thread here.. this is most definitely going to be TLDR..

So the most inside based Insider of all is our Core (not a designation, just a name, but you already know that). Core just doesn't belong Outside. He belongs Inside. He is not even really a he, he doesn't have gender or age. He just puts on a male body Inside like someone else puts on a pair of slippers. He started off as a rational voice, like a secondary conscience for each of Us. Really he just wanted to be a writer.. so he wrote the story of our life. I can only hear him occasionally now but his voice used to be my constant companion "she typed on her computer... she did this, she did that,.." a running commentary in the third peson past tense. ARGH! I don't know if he still keeps track like that quietly or if he's just branched out to something else. Maybe pushing us towards accepting each other's existence really took his all. All those years stacking the deck in our favour, no wonder he cried when Mara finally figured it out for herself. But that's what he has been doing all these years. Because though few of us could hear each other, most everybody hears Core. He wanted us to work together so he led us in a certain direction.. He just wanted to stay the feck inside.. and when we were unaware he'd have to jump to Front and save us from stupid situations we got ourselves into acting alone out of context. And he hates being in the darn body. It's just not his gig at all. So for Core, definitely a choice. And a very valid one.

Then there is Pony. Sometimes I feel her co-con but really she is an Insider. She is only little, she gets scared easily and a fantasy world is quite good enough for her taste.

Next up: Mal & Dez. They also spend an awful lot of time inside and often don't come out for ages. I know Dez just gets tired of Hosting for long stretches and Mal Hosting alone makes everybody tired because his emotional range hurts like a claw hammer in the stomach. Not always, sometimes it's awesome having him up Front. But sometimes it really is an onslaught. Boy feels what he feels when he feels it. Not that Dez doesn't, but somehow shiny happy flake is easier to stomach than furious nihilist.
So they do spend lots of time Out, but sometimes they don't come out for two or three or four months flat. I think. But then they have each other I guess so they're quite happy taking breaks from the world chilling at the summer palace. Although, to be fair, up until Feb it wasn't exactly chill inside. Wartorn more like, but they still had some safe places and they were both adept fighters, so they found beauty in the carnage..

Mara is out lots and lots, she gets practically stuck out Front and also she gets scared to let go (she fears she'll lose time HA HA HA TIMESHEET!!!) I don't know about Rae because you already know I usually feel kind of cut off when it comes to Rae. Or Rae-Rae as she seems to call herself actually.

So yeah.
I think excluding Core there is an aspect of safety in choosing to stay inside.
As our internal world and our relationship with each other becomes a little more stable people seem to choose to come out more and at more appropriate times maybe? Because it's starting to be less of a clawing for time or being triggered out by circumstances and more of a measured approach.. slowly. I guess we are learning to trust each other a little more.

But there is also the fact that for some Hosting seems to be really tiring and the emotional landscape that spills over from Other Hosts wears everybody else out. Like honestly, I love Mal to bits, but him out at work in a stinking mood kind of stays with you long after he disappeared back inside again..

That said, Parts being scared of letting the Others reign free definitely plays a big part in who comes out/stays in for us. Like, Mara doesn't get half as antsy now when Mal is out, doesn't try to claw control of the Body back. Still, everybody gets overprotective when Pony is close to the Front and if Lud is anywhere nearby everybody is wearing figurative full body armour.

It's a learing curve.
I think the more you get to know each other and the more you develop trust in each other, the more things will make sense.

Yoda. NOT.

You're welcome

Teatime wrote: I can only hear him occasionally now but his voice used to be my constant companion "she typed on her computer... she did this, she did that,.." a running commentary in the third peson past tense. ARGH! I don't know if he still keeps track like that quietly or if he's just branched out to something else. Maybe pushing us towards accepting each other's existence really took his all. All those years stacking the deck in our favour, no wonder he cried when Mara finally figured it out for herself. But that's what he has been doing all these years. Because though few of us could hear each other, most everybody hears Core. He wanted us to work together so he led us in a certain direction.. He just wanted to stay the feck inside.. and when we were unaware he'd have to jump to Front and save us from stupid situations we got ourselves into acting alone out of context. And he hates being in the darn body. It's just not his gig at all. So for Core, definitely a choice. And a very valid one.

That sounded very Goddard then Polanski then I was all ARRRGH AMELIA FECK U AMELIA hahahah!

But let's talk real now son. 'HisIt's' name is not very accidental either it seems. He seems like the oldest to have it zenly-figured out. I mean, I am just parrotin, just trying to try to make it relevant for myself. Like, apply to myself. Klein... Now I cannot even remember all of US just for the fun of it ugh. But I will copy this and re-read it. I can relate to LittleRedDogToo's pain-when-outside as well but that can be the fibro... so I need to have it all sink in. Hate is the voice is we all heard always, so it starts to make sense in some way. K like Klien, K like... I can see how that would not want to be in touch with the air. Explosives.

Teatime wrote:
Then there is Pony. Sometimes I feel her co-con but really she is an Insider. She is only little, she gets scared easily and a fantasy world is quite good enough for her taste.

I can only smile at that. This is sweet. DID is not supposed to be sweet? Fek it, it is. Sweet. Pony needs pony.

Teatime wrote:
Next up: Mal & Dez. They also spend an awful lot of time inside and often don't come out for ages. I know Dez just gets tired of Hosting for long stretches and Mal Hosting alone makes everybody tired because his emotional range hurts like a claw hammer in the stomach. Not always, sometimes it's awesome having him up Front. But sometimes it really is an onslaught. Boy feels what he feels when he feels it. Not that Dez doesn't, but somehow shiny happy flake is easier to stomach than furious nihilist.
So they do spend lots of time Out, but sometimes they don't come out for two or three or four months flat. I think. But then they have each other I guess so they're quite happy taking breaks from the world chilling at the summer palace. Although, to be fair, up until Feb it wasn't exactly chill inside. Wartorn more like, but they still had some safe places and they were both adept fighters, so they found beauty in the carnage..

I get the picture.
OH GAWD.
As for us re: this paragraph... MyMother was part of what infused with some stench the eager believer or 'hoper' but then that was just polluted for many reasons and ended as superstitions. Hurt and ended in TW
±T WARNING±
self injury crying mutiliation overeating

But that was all out. Maybe should have been inside. Of course cannot exactly aply your case here but trying to be creative a bit, one never knows.

Teatime wrote:
Mara is out lots and lots, she gets practically stuck out Front and also she gets scared to let go (she fears she'll lose time HA HA HA TIMESHEET!!!) I don't know about Rae because you already know I usually feel kind of cut off when it comes to Rae. Or Rae-Rae as she seems to call herself actually.

Rae-Rae is pretty. Just to let you know. God God. Ra Ra. So funny with the atheism. Plus Mara.

We have The Laura. Stuck. Now she has the unwanted K. Oh Mighty Boosh what will happen. Rosa is like, 'I still dunno if to get offended or no' coz she has a loverboy on the inside.

*sigh* I try to be funny but it feels like a log that hit my larynx and jaws.

Teatime wrote:
So yeah.
I think excluding Core there is an aspect of safety in choosing to stay inside.
As our internal world and our relationship with each other becomes a little more stable people seem to choose to come out more and at more appropriate times maybe? Because it's starting to be less of a clawing for time or being triggered out by circumstances and more of a measured approach.. slowly. I guess we are learning to trust each other a little more.

I think that there's also a way of lying - in our case- in fronting. I mean, I am out, what have I to hide?
Glad to hear time and communication actually work. Something to look forward to.

Teatime wrote:
But there is also the fact that for some Hosting seems to be really tiring and the emotional landscape that spills over from Other Hosts wears everybody else out. Like honestly, I love Mal to bits, but him out at work in a stinking mood kind of stays with you long after he disappeared back inside again..

THAT! The oil pollution is horrid. Pills pills pills. Hi Mal. I meant Girls Girls Girls a little bit. With the late 80's fringes and high-cut bikinis. *le sigh*

Teatime wrote:
That said, Parts being scared of letting the Others reign free definitely plays a big part in who comes out/stays in for us. Like, Mara doesn't get half as antsy now when Mal is out, doesn't try to claw control of the Body back. Still, everybody gets overprotective when Pony is close to the Front and if Lud is anywhere nearby everybody is wearing figurative full body armour.

Okay here we got a full metal jacket headache blockage so will have to read it later again. What, someone blocking... control... sh*t. Oh yes, that was our case till this late winter.Total rule of a king and king. No names allowed.

TW

Death followed. (Inside) Or a transformation of some kind, extreme. Bah.

Teatime wrote:
It's a learing curve.
I think the more you get to know each other and the more you develop trust in each other, the more things will make sense.

writing writing writing dancing dancing dancing snapschatting hhaha, as part of le terapy. i will propose le snapch. to my T.[/qoute]


YODA NOT BUT LOOK AT THE MAGIC STICK I AM THE MAGIC DOCTOR, HOW SPRUNG I GOTCHA.

-- Wed Apr 24, 2013 9:16 pm --

lifelongthing wrote:You're welcome

heart

Ho les PinkiePie

Good Lord Glob (ha) it took me a whole month to read this? We really have been keeping away from the forum pretty darn successfully. Medal? Golden. Shiny. An honor to be nominated..

PinkiePie wrote:But let's talk real now son. 'HisIt's' name is not very accidental either it seems. He seems like the oldest to have it zenly-figured out.

Yep. The old guy's advice is sparing. To the point. And the name seems to make more sense now a thread here reminded me of IFS (Internal Family System) - the "Core Self" in IFS sounds a lot like our Core.. or Corben. You either have a pic of him or one is on route. He the one with the crow on his shoulder. Signed with the little © I don't know if he drew it but it's definitely meant to be him

PinkiePie wrote:

Teatime wrote:
Then there is Pony. Sometimes I feel her co-con but really she is an Insider. She is only little, she gets scared easily and a fantasy world is quite good enough for her taste.

I can only smile at that. This is sweet. DID is not supposed to be sweet? Fek it, it is. Sweet. Pony needs pony.

Sho Shweet.. saccharine contest. Man, I already told youse about that pony we bought. Goddarn eBay. Seriously, what's with all the toys?! Oh well.. shall nothing worse come our way.

Teatime wrote:
Mal Hosting alone makes everybody tired because his emotional range hurts like a claw hammer in the stomach.

Charming.
I am a clawhammer Sounds more like Lud really but whateva.

Teatime wrote:shiny happy flake is easier to stomach than furious nihilist.

uhmkay. That does sound like me

PinkiePie wrote:Maybe should have been inside. Of course cannot exactly aply your case here but trying to be creative a bit, one never knows.

I think you can't force that stuff. I mean, I am hoping like hell all goes well with that SCID and Mara will take a step back, live it up inside a little more, interfere a little less. All that blocking and passive influence and denial and screaming in our head gets a bit much.. but if she is too scared to take a step back what can you do?

Sometimes it seems like it would be so easy to "fix us" if we could just put us all on a schedule LOL but I can tell that really that would only make things worse. Less regiment not more. That's for sure what we need. A little bit of freedom, even if that means Mara's freedom to be an arse. No offense to the girl - you guys know what I mean, right?

PinkiePie wrote:Rosa is like, 'I still dunno if to get offended or no' coz she has a loverboy on the inside.

ha. well a little bit of love does make life a whole lot easier
I mean - you already know this. I like what you did with that drawing of my room btw.


Man, it's freaking late.. or early. A matter of preference. So sorry of all of the above was total crud.
See you guys

Mal