considering switching therapist

i just wanted to say that we went through 4 therapists in the span of 3 years

our second therapist was the best and if she didn't only treat minors at the time, we would've stayed with her, but we turned 18 and had to switch therapists

our third therapist wasn't bad at all, though wasn't as open to talking about DID stuff as our 2nd one because we were there for therapy for our depression, bipolar, and ptsd stuff (and because she wasn't familiar with DID and because it wasn't a for-sure diagnosis on our record thanks to a skeptical evaluator)

our fourth therapist we barely saw and didn't really like

our first therapist we hated and she just was not a good therapist- wasn't a bad person and didn't do anything mean or bad, just was not a good therapist and we didn't "click" at all


what i'm trying to say i think is that it's possible to find a good therapist though it might take some time





- cassie (age ?)

Feeling guilt over switching T's?

I think you are feeling it Oak...

Keep this in mind. Those of us with DID/DDNOS-1 are DIFFICULT patients. It's easier for them to deal with other people instead of us. Think of leaving as a gift to them.

Good luck finding a more satisfactory therapist to work with! I can relate to how invalidating it is (at best) to disclose our painful and confusing experiences to someone who is nonresponsive. You might as well be talking to a rock. People with DID are not "worried well" neurotics whose typical emotional problems are best revealed in "transference" phenomena projected on to a "blank screen" therapist. We generally need large doses of psychoeducation and interpersonal skills development, and to know that our experiences are not uniquely awful and can be comprehended by others. We are not alone.

It never ceases to astonish me how not alone we are. We have so much in common with each other that it is obvious DID has a biological basis that we all share. Our pathological dissociation has a very characteristic pattern.

I slept properly last night, so I can respond properly now

This is going to be long.

Johnny-Jack, maybe you could somehow report that somewhere? At least where I live one can file a complaint about therapists to a psychiatry association (or whatever that's called) that the T is member of. Or when it are multiple T's who have one ... building? (I don't know what this is called, but some have a certain thing in which they work together). Then there may be a way to file complaints that way.

I just went there and gave him what I wrote down. I was far too tired/stressed to tell it myself. He read it all. We talked about some of the things I said. He was glad I told it him all.
Therapy further went as usual. Until at the end, when he asked about a next appointment and I somehow told I wasn't sure whether there should be any further appointment. Maybe it got more clear I'm serious about this.
When talking about that stuff, it got more clear there is really too big of a difference between us. I want to know what is going on. I want to understand. It's part of how I deal with issues in myself. He said he cannot always tell why he does things. I'm fine with that, as long as I get the general idea of what's going on or I know why I shouldn't know that (yet).
And the (last time very strong) projection is also a problem. It doesn't exactly help when it feels like he's talking the same way my father does.

It feels good to start fresh and tell all my worries beforehand. And make sure I have some 'safety measures' (like, asking beforehand how things like switching are normally done).

So, now I have another (last?) appointment. He convinced me that is needed to handle switching in a good way (was I so serious about that then??). I understand the reasoning. He doesn't just want to go without me having some support (well, I do have support, probably far more than he imagines . And I have also support by someone 'irl', but she isn't a therapist.) And I think he somehow wants to help me in finding a new T (so he does support that? Well, that's very good I guess).

Afterwards I felt he was disappointed. That he felt like he had failed. No wonder, I made very clear I felt not understood and like certain subjects were avoided. And he's still human. So yeah, I feel some guilt about this.

michiru7422 wrote:So it ends up being the job of the client to know that it isn't working out and say something. Kind of backwards if you ask me and very tough.

Yes. And often, it's considered up to the client to ask for things. Well, if there's one thing that's often difficult it's asking for help! *sigh* Especially switching T isn't among the easiest things to say.
He isn't really narcissist I think, though. He recognized I might be better off with someone who is specialized.

I'm now still trying to get someone who's specialized in dissociative disorders. The one I found turned out to live somewhere else, too far away for a weekly trip (that would be quite costly). Other ISST-D members are (I think?) roughly the same distance and if I have to go that distance anyway, I'd rather have an ISST-D member if I have the choice.

sev0n wrote:Keep this in mind. Those of us with DID/DDNOS-1 are DIFFICULT patients. It's easier for them to deal with other people instead of us. Think of leaving as a gift to them.

That's another way to view it Thanks.

Una+ wrote:I can relate to how invalidating it is (at best) to disclose our painful and confusing experiences to someone who is nonresponsive.

Yes! Talking to a rock doesn't get me anywhere I at least need to feel understood (which was the whole problem to begin with). More justification for this decision.

oaktree wrote: He said he cannot always tell why he does things. I'm fine with that, as long as I get the general idea of what's going on or I know why I shouldn't know that (yet).

Consider that while your T may know more about therapy, you might just know more than he does about DID, and he feels inadequate to answer. Whatever the reason, if he does not understand DID well, or if she won't share, it's clear it frustrates you. I too could not go to a T that does not know more than me.

oaktree wrote:So, now I have another (last?) appointment. He convinced me that is needed to handle switching in a good way (was I so serious about that then??). I understand the reasoning. He doesn't just want to go without me having some support (well, I do have support, probably far more than he imagines . And I have also support by someone 'irl', but she isn't a therapist.) And I think he somehow wants to help me in finding a new T (so he does support that? Well, that's very good I guess).

You will probably feel some sort of loss after you leave this T, at least some alters will. Others will to feel free! Glad to have washed their hands of the one that is holding you back. Consider this last appointment as a healing one for those alters that will feel the loss.

oaktree wrote:Afterwards I felt he was disappointed. That he felt like he had failed.

He did.

Finding a good T is not an easy task. It's a 4-5 hour drive for me now.

sev0n wrote:you might just know more than he does about DID

I wouldn't be surprised, with my first T. Unless he's learned a bit in the meantime.

I'm now looking specifically for someone specialized in dissociative disorders. Because I want to get proper treatment but also for the reason you mentioned.

I don't know whether I will feel loss. Currently, I just feel weird about this all.

sev0n wrote:He did.

Fail? Well, yes, in a way. Not necessarily. It just didn't went well. I imagine there'd be other people that he can help better.

sev0n wrote:Finding a good T is not an easy task. It's a 4-5 hour drive for me now.

Seriously? That's a long drive!
(I think there are ISST-D members nearer than that.)

oaktree wrote:And the (last time very strong) projection is also a problem. It doesn't exactly help when it feels like he's talking the same way my father does.

This naturally feels like a problem but it is not one. This is just part of the work you have to do. It is very normal. Almost everyone in psychotherapy, whether multiple or singleton, experiences projections like this. You are way ahead of the average psychotherapy client in being aware that this is a projection!

I'm very conflicted over all this. Last session went quite well. Have yet another appointment. I actually felt better afterwards than before. I think he just assumes I'm OK with continuing. I'm not.
Let's get that straight. I was going to write something for him. I just put it there. Long term will be finding someone who's specialized in dissociative disorders.
(...)
Wrote it down on a paper I'm going to give him. Next session.
If he's going to learn things himself, I'm OK with that. He has still a chance to learn. I should put myself first, which is really hard to do in practice.
(...)
I just wrote some more expectations down. I want to be able to openly talk about stuff like diagnoses and treatment plans, for example.

Una+ wrote:This naturally feels like a problem but it is not one.

Good to know that. Yes, I start to see projection does not necessarily have to be an obstacle. Well, it's an obstacle, but not an invincible one.

Una+ wrote:You are way ahead of the average psychotherapy client in being aware that this is a projection!

Um... ok.
It's still difficult to see when it's projection and when not. I doubt whether there are actually moments I'm completely not projecting. Seems to go up and down. Sometimes it's almost frightening how he speaks. Other times, not.

You can have it both ways, right? Continue with him for the time being but continue to look for a more experienced specialist. Knowing you plan to move on, perhaps you will feel less anxious about asking for what you want. Eg, to not only talk about diagnosis and treatment plans, but develop a written treatment plan. Not all psychotherapists do written treatment plans. Plans are hard work! But doing the work can be very productive for both therapist and client.

Yeah, I'm trying to do it both ways, like you said. Most likely, I won't find anyone anytime soon. That will probably take weeks at least. And it's better to have at least someone in the mean time.
I might go a bit too far, but I have to 'stand my ground'.