How are you today thread (trigger warning)

I can't actually believe that people play such games. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Today was the first day I've been back at the farmer's market since around December. Which meant that Beth had to come out and handle the issues of small talk with people. It went well, though. It also meant that she was still close to the surface when we had a talk with our father. Beth can do The Voice and cut through some of the communication issues between him and us. So we now know more of what is wrong with him and can tell others in the family.

Therapy is a week away. We shall see how that goes.

Vi

Does your father like video games @ViTheta? There are several studies showing how 3D video games can speed up recovery in stroke patients.

If you're in the US..Ohio State university has an home program (or did at the time of the article)

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/in ... s?from=mdr

They still may know of similar programs near you if you contacted them?

We are on one (though not in the US) but I can't say much about it publicity as we have to sign a NDA (Non Disclosure Agreement) that we can't talk about it in detail on social media until after they have their results and have published their article in medical journals/the press etc. But there maybe a similar study planned near you that your father could get on? They usually loan the equipment to do it at home if he didn't have his own PC. The program we were given is not 'commercially available'

If there is no program, it usually involves a game with a 3D environment and the movements are sometimes simpler than what's usually involved in platform games. As they take into account more that one side maybe paralysed etc or both hands/arms be affected by 'intention tremor'. Some use VR headsets rather than game controllers and a person may have to move their hands/arms as if trying to pour liquid into a cup without spilling it, as its virtual there's no 'real mess' if you miss! Others maybe simple motions like canoeing and trying to paddle down a stream. (seen that mentioned somewhere as a specific therapy program...the Switch game 'Family Trainer' also does similar very basic movements you can do using buttons (like a traditional style controller) or motion controls with one joycon in each hand...some games may have you attaching joycon to one leg and you'd have to lift the leg to simulate jumping in time to jump over a log rolling towards you etc.

It maybe something to look into if he maybe more interested in that than traditional therapy or can compliment any traditional physio he is receiving.

Our physical ability improved once Bobby & Kit were able to front who were 'gamers' before but there is evidence to show even people who were previously non-gamers show a faster improvement in motor skills than groups only on traditional therapies or only doing 2D side scrolling games rather than the 3D games which seem to help the brain to repair damage (or create new pathways around damaged areas) to visual-spatial areas of the brain.

@Gang: sending lots of moral support. Baby showers and the like in the USA really puzzle me on so many levels. I kinda understand the "fun" aspect of it but in the same time, it is so peculiar and odd and cringy that they should all come with a trigger warning upon invitation. You are not alone in thinking that it is inappropriate to drag people into this kind of game without warning way beforehand.

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@Vi: congratulations to you and Beth and everybody for managing the farmers' market and managing the communication with the father.

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@TheTriForce: playing videogames helps for a lot of things apparently, depending on the type of game. Memory, reflexes, 3D visualization, coordination between eye and hands... Heck, it even helped me slowly learn to be more assertive in the scenario parts of the card game "Obey Me!" on mobile phone. So I guess that, it does not matter what game you pick as long as you pick one that will help you develop the area you need to develop. (Turning Animal Crossing on 3DS back on I realized that I have lost a lot of eye-hand coordination... these dang insects don't allow me to catch them, these dang fishes have such a small time window during which I can reel them in... who would guess Animal Crossing needed such accurate reflexes? Not me.)

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Time for a news update from ME!

After the betrayal I felt from the association (cf this post on my journey thread) I spent 2 days writing a long email explaining everything that is wrong that happened to me or that I was witness of, this last 12 months at the association. I explained how it was beyond my boundaries regarding what is unsafe for me. I especially explained how hurtful it was the constant misgendering by 3/4 of the people including people who always new me as "he/they" and started calling me "she" the moment they learnt I still had an uterus (I get cramps sometimes and I am vocal about it coz, dang it hurts) and that I need a stand-to-pee device to use an urinal (why would I hide it from the other sit-to-pee people if knowing it exists could improve their life? It's very convenient when going outside, e.g. old people cannot always crouch behind a bush due to knee issues, sometimes the seated toilets have a very long queue while the urinals do not have a queue, etc.). So, it's not an issue of wearing a kilt and eye-liner, it's an issue of me being judged by my private anatomy. Which is wrong on many levels. I don't have a problem with people knowing I'm trans (I'm very vocal about it after all) but I have a problem with transphobia.

All in all, I sent the email yesterday. I could not find the email adress of the director of the association so I sent it to the "contact" email. Happens what will.

ArbreMonde wrote:
@TheTriForce: playing videogames helps for a lot of things apparently, depending on the type of game. Memory, reflexes, 3D visualization, coordination between eye and hands... Heck, it even helped me slowly learn to be more assertive in the scenario parts of the card game "Obey Me!" on mobile phone. So I guess that, it does not matter what game you pick as long as you pick one that will help you develop the area you need to develop. (Turning Animal Crossing on 3DS back on I realized that I have lost a lot of eye-hand coordination... these dang insects don't allow me to catch them, these dang fishes have such a small time window during which I can reel them in... who would guess Animal Crossing needed such accurate reflexes? Not me.)

lol! I'm not too bad on ACNH though never played it on the smaller 3DS. On the switch version I can manage most except the spiders and Scorpians that come out at night, as when you approach them they turn round to run at you and sting you! Those damn bee's annoy me too when chopping trees, even if near an house or shop I can't get in fast enough to escape them!

Moving about in 3D I'm not too bad now it's when there's enemies in games to contend with and you've got to think faster! That's where Bobby and Kit were way ahead with hand-eye co-ordination than me (unless we were blended). Which is kind of now like playing with a cheat cartridge versus playing without one!

ArbreMonde wrote:Time for a news update from ME!

After the betrayal I felt from the association (cf this post on my journey thread) I spent 2 days writing a long email explaining everything that is wrong that happened to me or that I was witness of, this last 12 months at the association. I explained how it was beyond my boundaries regarding what is unsafe for me. I especially explained how hurtful it was the constant misgendering by 3/4 of the people including people who always new me as "he/they" and started calling me "she" the moment they learnt I still had an uterus (I get cramps sometimes and I am vocal about it coz, dang it hurts) and that I need a stand-to-pee device to use an urinal (why would I hide it from the other sit-to-pee people if knowing it exists could improve their life? It's very convenient when going outside, e.g. old people cannot always crouch behind a bush due to knee issues, sometimes the seated toilets have a very long queue while the urinals do not have a queue, etc.). So, it's not an issue of wearing a kilt and eye-liner, it's an issue of me being judged by my private anatomy. Which is wrong on many levels. I don't have a problem with people knowing I'm trans (I'm very vocal about it after all) but I have a problem with transphobia.

All in all, I sent the email yesterday. I could not find the email adress of the director of the association so I sent it to the "contact" email. Happens what will.

The staff really should know better! ...As far as other users of the service I guess its going to depend on their level of intellectual disability (is it an autism-specific facility where most have additional learning disabilities on top?)..some for example just simply may not distinguish between a kilt and a skirt..or know that a kilt is worn by men in Scotland? ..particularly if they have never been out of your country or don't understand English (or French) well? ..they simply may not understand why they have refer to you as 'he' when you are appearing to wear 'skirts and makeup' like other females there?

Maybe if you do go back, take some pictures of men wearing traditional scottish outfits and explain where the tradition came from? Why you like to wear them? Maybe you just like the texture of the material or the tartans? Maybe you have Scottish ancestory? etc.....kind of like a 'show and tell' if you have such discussion sessions? They may remember better if they understand why on a basic level? (if it's someone you like and would really like them to try to understand without revealing anything really personal or triggering).

TheTriForce wrote:Those damn bee's annoy me too when chopping trees, even if near an house or shop I can't get in fast enough to escape them!

In ACNL there are bees too, they fall from trees when we shake the trees to get coins and other stuff. If I run towards the top of the screen I have enough time to get the net out and catch the bees before they sting. Same with moquitoes: to escape being stung I need to see their tiny shadow on the ground and catch them before they sting.

TheTriForce wrote:As far as other users of the service I guess its going to depend on their level of intellectual disability [...] ..they simply may not understand why they have refer to you as 'he' when you are appearing to wear 'skirts and makeup' like other females there?

Only a couple attendee seem to have enough cognitive issues to NOT remember. (They don't remember the names of the people around them either and keep asking everybody their name.) The others I keep telling them I'm a guy wearing a kilt, I have a flat torso, they saw me bare-chested at the beach, I keep telling I'm a guy in a kilt, I even took the habit of not shaving my face for 4 days before any outing so that I have enough of a visible beard. (We do not wear masks during the outings because it's on the outside with enough air movement to lower the risks of contamination, the masks are worn in the vehicles though.)

The "lowest IQ" people had no problem turning towards "he" (appart from the two persons who cannot even remember the names of the others around them) so the issue is with people with average IQ. They have enough IQ to remember I'm a guy but also, enough IQ to grasp the concept of transidentity and decide by themselves that it's "wrong" and that my "real" identity is under my kilt. Especially the ones who met me pre-transition. (So I guess my "real" identity is "hairy muscular legs" ) What hurts most is when I see that there is 1/4 of the people who really do their best to gender me properly and see me as the guy I am - while the remaining 3/4 seem to see me as "a girl with he pronouns" hence why they always slip. It hurts even more coming from people I met this summer, after 2 years of testosterone and a torsoplasty surgery. They said "he" fine until they realized I'm trans then they started saying "she" and correcting to "he" only when I gave them the stinky eye.

(Btw I have no Scottish ancestry that I know of, it's just very convenient and sensory-friendly to wear a kilt compared to pants. It also helps me with hips related dysphoria. )

@Triforce-

Unfortunately, Father isn't overly fond of video games. He knits a lot, though. Most of this isn't stroke related. He has ataxia, but is on a lot of medications for it. The biggest problem is his depression and his refusal to communicate properly. Had we known better about what was going on, we could have helped better. He didn't even tell this to our doctor. (Father and I go to the same doctor). They're trying to get him a psych nurse.

@Arbremonde-

It's horrible that they treat you that way. They should know better. As for kilts, they can be fun to wear. I don't know why people are so obsessed about men wearing pants. I wish they wouldn't treat you so poorly.

@TheGangsAllHere-

I'll admit to us not wanting to say much, but...that's just gross and can understand you feeling so awful about it. It's horrible that you had to go through that, but brave that you got through everything.

So, a bit more about us right now-

One of our favorite video games had an update recently and we can now play it without having male leaders in our empire. Vi and I play a game called Stellaris. It's an empire building game in space and the recent update allowed us to have a choice of rulers and ruler pronouns. We could choose between an empire that has only male leaders, a mix of male and female leaders, only female leaders or our leaders could have no assigned gender at all.

Since playing games as a male character is a huge trigger for us, we always felt icky and awful trying to play. We love the game, though, and this has been a great change. Men are very triggering for some of us, myself included (it's okay when they're far away through a computer screen or on voice [which has been helping make us less triggered around men]).

Today is a bit scary because we're going to finally tell one of the last friends we haven't told that we have DID that we have DID. I've known this man for a long time now, and we haven't had a chance to catch up with him or his boyfriend. (for some reason, I'm better at telling people we have DID). After this, it's time to talk to one of our other friends, but we're fairly sure she has DID herself as she kind of mentioned it vaguely. (She said 'being someone else' and not in relation to little things, but about how her wife has to sometimes deal with her being someone completely and totally different.)

Take care,
- Pippa

Some of us prefer characters that are teddy/cutesy or animals where there's no gender identification going on they could be either, or good character customisation. But one's where you can choose a gender neutral avatar and flatten the chest or change the shape of the body seem rare.

Bobby-lee and Kit particularly hate that female choices usually have 'big boobs' to distinguish them from the men, but if they choose boy then there's only short hairstyles and they don't want to look overtly male anymore than they do overtly female!

We had pre-ordered Potion Permit for Bobby (intended for xmas) and only recently discovered the 'female sprite' has this issue and the male one has short hair only options. I don't know why they have to make females so overtly sexualised in a video game.

They (B&K) both have inside bodies/hairstyles that are not immediately obvious whether they are male or female and the physical body also did when younger (pre-puberty).

Thanks for the support. I guess I wasn't clear that the main trauma from the baby shower was the discussion of hospital births and and unnecessary medical interventions that are done there, which reminded us of the physical damage the body sustained with the first birth (which was a big tear that needed stitches, and which opened two weeks later and didn't really get repaired for almost 20 years). That was what we had a flashback about. We were able to avoid playing the diaper game, even though it made us feel nauseous.

On the plus side, we got through the audition yesterday, and felt like we did pretty well in two of the three performance tasks. We'll find out in the next couple of days if we'll get to be in the show. The fact that we didn't spend time afterwards mentally beating ourselves up about everything we might have done wrong there is big progress.

I hope people are having a nice Sunday.

@TheTriForce-

I'm sorry that happened. Yeah, even though we are fine with our characters looking very feminine, we don't really like it when they're all sexualized. In Stellaris, we're just sentient squid trying to make our way in the galaxy. For us, the text having gender markers was something that made us feel wrong because we knew our leaders were male. I wish game companies weren't more accommodating with regards to their player models.

@TheGangsAllHere-

It still sounded gross, and I'm so sorry about all the rest of it too. I'm glad things are better for you right now, though.

As for us...we told our friend S about us being a system. He took it in stride and told us that he was there for us going forward. S is how we got the nickname Theta, so it was kind of nice to talk to him today. I'm glad he's doing well as is his boyfriend. We ddin't get to talk to him all summer because they spent the summer together. But we played an MMO we both enjoy (along with a few other people we know but haven't and won't tell). He got to meet my character Pippa, and we had fun.

Pippa

ViTheta wrote:@TheTriForce-

I'm sorry that happened. Yeah, even though we are fine with our characters looking very feminine, we don't really like it when they're all sexualized. In Stellaris, we're just sentient squid trying to make our way in the galaxy. For us, the text having gender markers was something that made us feel wrong because we knew our leaders were male. I wish game companies weren't more accommodating with regards to their player models.

Pippa

tbh as far as Potion Permit goes ..when B was like 'she's got boobs'..I was like..well so have we! I had to put reading glasses on to see them! I mean jeez its a tiny character around the same size as the ones in SDV but ok the females have a (tiny) bit more of a pronounced chest! I think also its the fact that all the characters seem to 'bounce (a little) visually' like to make them look as if they're breathing. Check it on YT if you want, you'll see what I mean.


I think for B. its partly because they've lived so long on the inside with the genderless changelings and partly because of child experiences ie maybe if other kids mistook them for a boy or couldn't tell whether they were a boy or girl out on their bike maybe they didn't bully them cos B thought boys didn't get bullied if they didn't know or see any boys that did? ..or maybe boys were more accepting as they tended to just 'do things together' and talk about that rather than sitting about chatting or talking about other kids in the class and lets face it girls/women can be very cliquey and bitchy sometimes which can be as bad or worse as getting punched or pushed off your bike by a boy (as they tend to keep it up for longer than boys who tended to fight then make up/forget about it) B could always do the same back physically (when younger anyway until boys reached puberty and usually got stronger and grew faster) but speaking and social conversation they weren't as confident with, we just didn't have the same level of social skills as non-autistic girls that early on.

When I was out as an older teen my best friends at school and college were female and they weren't bitchy. I tended to avoided males as they tended to only want one thing from you by that age! Unlike B though I still think you can be feminine without it being about the size of your boobs and how little you can away with wearing!