How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Yes, Daria, 4th of July fireworks are annoying. Be glad you don't live here.

- Marcella

Hi. Um ... I'm Prince! I'm Marcella's husband in the inner world. I've been out all day because I've been dealing with some pretty serious issues since last night. Just thought I'd say "hi" and give you the update on our system.

Grant-Eve remembered something startling (to me) today: they used to be my four children before they all fused. See, Marcella and I had a brood of kids a long time ago. While she hosted in the Front, I stayed at home in our little house with them. Those were really good days for me. Well, it's nice to be a family again, anyway, even if my kids are sort of "reincarnated" as someone else.

There is one thing that I just started to really think about seriously that bothers me: I'm not really Asian. Well, in the inner world I am! But the body is white. My ancestors actually came from Europe! This gets me because so much of my identity rests on my being Asian-American. But I'm not Asian-American ... So confusing! Well, that's not the worst problem I'm dealing with today, but I thought I'd mention it in case others are dealing with race disphoria. ^_^' You're not alone!

Oh, and I want to apologize for our not really being here for you all ... We've been so busy taking care of ourselves we haven't felt much like reading the forum. We're really going to have a lot of catching up to do. Well, later!

- Prince

another night of endless fireworks, yikes, its almost 01h00 and we can still hear the occasional sound from across the river.

actually went to hide in bed from the noise, the a/c is in the bedroom and blocks out most noise.

had a few naps today. we get our second covid vaccine this week. our CMHA worker is going with us for support. it'll be nice to have that done.

Prince@Truly_happy wrote:There is one thing that I just started to really think about seriously that bothers me: I'm not really Asian. Well, in the inner world I am! But the body is white. My ancestors actually came from Europe! This gets me because so much of my identity rests on my being Asian-American. But I'm not Asian-American ... So confusing! Well, that's not the worst problem I'm dealing with today, but I thought I'd mention it in case others are dealing with race disphoria. ^_^' You're not alone!

You are not the first one I hear having to face this sort of issue. It is a delicate one: the Innerworld identity is a valid one, yet, because of the physical world's racist dynamics, it can be difficult to find the proper balance to be perfectly comfortable with oneself.

Good luck.

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David.

we made it through the weekend. feeling considerable anxiety and don't know why. it's kind of similar to restlessness.

littleDaria wrote: feeling considerable anxiety and don't know why. it's kind of similar to restlessness.

Sorry to hear you are feeling that way. We hope things improve for all of you soon,

we have therapy this afternoon, something to look forward to. slept ok we suppose. our eating and sleeping have been poor lately.

we have episodes during which we become overwhelmed with emotions about our trauma, about our primary abuser, our mother, and how we were powerless. its a crushing realization.

ok! today i have managed to get ahold of an older laptop and hook it up to an external monitor, (the screen on the laptop is broken and can't be fixed at this time), so i can now use a laptop (somewhat) comfortably. it's a lot harder to do things on my ipad than it is for me to do them on a computer.

a lot has happened already since my other laptop broke, though. i broke up with one of my most trusted partners for having lied about something extremely big (i won't get into it, but for the time being my trust is, well, kind of completely and utterly obliterated and i'm pretty upset about it; i don't like being lied to), and i'm not going to contact them for the time being. one of my other partners, who was also with them, is still up in the air about whether or not they'll break up with them as well. either way, i'll respect their choice because i feel like controlling them would be wrong, and i won't push them to go either way about it.

mostly, all around, i'm just frustrated. frustrated that my computer broke and i now have to use an older one in a very inconvenient way, in an extremely uncomfortable chair because my mother thought it was a good idea to get rid of the other ones because she thought this one looked better despite being miles less comfortable. i'm also frustrated that my partner lied to me about something that big, and it's so big and triggering to me that i'm pretty sure we split over it. i haven't bothered to ask rell about it because i'm afraid of the answer, if i'm being honest.

it's just kind of a lot right now, and it doesn't feel good. but it's whatever, i'm pretty used to it.

grem (host)

our therapist just sent us the following about our session tonight: "frozen parts hold onto the idea that it was your fault because it lets them keep the belief that those childhood needs could still be met. they don't realize that your adult self can take care of them - and that what was needed back then is no longer needed now. realizing time's gone by brings a lot of grief because these parts have to see you didn't get what you needed."

it was a challenging session, lots of emotions, wow.

Sending moral support to everyone!

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Urielles.

Hope things are improving for everyone or will improve soon.

We're not doing very well, but we can hope that others are doing better.