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How are you today thread (trigger warning)

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Jessica6 » Wed Mar 10, 2021 4:28 am

Oh glad you got that sorted out!
OSDD-1b (perhaps):

Jessica (f, 25 PV)
Steph(m,50s orig, body, SV)/-Samantha (f,31 SQ)
-Sabrina (f,12 v)
--Stefanie (f,16 v)

Albert (m,14 q)
Nameless One (m,? q)

Charlie (m,5 q)
Aurora (f,70s? q)

P=Primary S=Secondary V/v=Vocal Q/q=Quiet
The world needs more unicorns.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby IainEtc » Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:26 pm

Computers are DOGS - kind of dumb but really loyal. Printers are CATS - sometimes they just don't want to work that day and you can go to h*ll. Plus they want to be fed only really expensive food/ink before they'll even notice you. :wink:

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Mar 11, 2021 4:30 pm

& That's a good one, Iain! I'll try to remember it.

& Over here, we are doing... kinda okay. Crushed some numbers with a friend, realized that it's near to impossible in our country to get an appointment with a DID specialist or at least someone who has heard about DID. So we are making peace with the fact that even though we spent a lot of time looking for a DID T, we get no result.

& Now, onwards with self-therapy and reading therapy books and doing what we can ourselves. Mostly, anchoring, dealing with the emotions, keeping a cohesive life, being happy. Everything else will just sort itself out eventually.

& So, don't worry, be happy, everything will sort itself out eventually. Spend some time every day sorting the papers, anchor yourself, and voilà. Traumatic fragments will be dealt with as they emerge, rince and repeat.

__
Urielle
Autistic | ADHD | NB transmasc (any pronouns)
Away for an unknown period of time

Journey thread

>> DID RESSOURCES LIST <<
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ZodiacDragon » Thu Mar 18, 2021 9:02 pm

This last month has been... interesting. Some good things in life have happened, but also some changes that we aren't quite sure how to handle.

Our bi-polar meds got increased, which has been great for us. We've been able to actually enjoy more things in life, and less hiding behind depression. And several of us have noticed some interests that we had long ago have started to return. A mix of that plus everything else going on has thrown some of us off, most notably myself, Flair, and Akane (and a bit of Saggita). We're going about it best we can, it's just a bit overwhelming.

-Alex
Alex: Host, Human, 25, FtM, Pan
Sarabi: Opossum, 21, F, Pan
Akane: Anthro wolfdog, 21, M, Pan
Saggita: Dragon, ???, M, Demi-Pan
Anime: Dragon, 2100+, Agender, Ace
Kuroneko: Human-nekomata mix, 945, M, Gay
Flair: Pegasus/Dragon mix, 2000+, NB, Pan/Gay (sub-system)
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby GKOKD » Thu Mar 18, 2021 10:08 pm

I feel really conflicted. In therapy I am supposed to working on communication inside and empathy, but this is something I really struggle with. The most vocal parts (Seven and Christian) I am scared of, so I started trying to listen empathically to a younger one named Kat who I don't really know very well. I let her talk and tried to do some things she wanted to do, but Christian is ashamed of her. He says I'm just making her up and acting like a baby. After I colored a picture with her, he threw it away. I am so ashamed of myself. He says it's not safe to act like she exists. It's not safe to feel little. I don't know what is real I let her post on the littles thread and I'm so embarrassed. My trauma T said we did good work today, but I feel ashamed. Christian says it's not okay. Seven is angry at me too. I don't know what is okay.

KK
body is 48 yr old mother of 2 adopted teens
KK - 17 yr old f
2T - 2 yr old f nonverbal
"Little K" 3 yr old f
Christian - "The Rulemaker" - adult m
Seven - Young adult m
Kat - 7 yr old f
Major Depression, Anorexia, Anx Disorder, DID (or maybe OSDD), PTSD
Gracie - Greyhound Service Dog
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby GKOKD » Wed Mar 24, 2021 1:40 am

I feel like I'm treading water and I'm slowly going under. It's so crowded inside I can't get anything done. We just sit in therapy shaking. Someone will get a couple words out, but then someone else pushes to the front. I don't know how were supposed to make progress like this.

KK
body is 48 yr old mother of 2 adopted teens
KK - 17 yr old f
2T - 2 yr old f nonverbal
"Little K" 3 yr old f
Christian - "The Rulemaker" - adult m
Seven - Young adult m
Kat - 7 yr old f
Major Depression, Anorexia, Anx Disorder, DID (or maybe OSDD), PTSD
Gracie - Greyhound Service Dog
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby GKOKD » Fri Mar 26, 2021 1:04 pm

Feeling invisible… like It’s just a shell that people see. I’m buried inside and I’m screaming but no one can hear me. It’s like being in a big empty room all alone and trying not to feel the empty ache. My eyes are windows and when they are open, I look out through them and see the world moving around me and the people in it and sometimes I bang on the glass, but no one can hear me. Controlling the body is like the wizard in the The Wizard of Oz where he makes that big booming voice, but it’s not his. He has to think about and plan out everything he does before he does it so that it appears real. The parts inside are sometimes stealing control of the body, so I can’t even control it somewhat from the inside “control panel”. Then I’m feeling totally buried and out of control. I can’t even bang on the glass then. All I can do is watch, helplessly and wait to get control back and worry about what will happen in my absence… even though I’m there (inside) watching, it’s like I’m not there. I don’t know what it would be like, really, for someone to see me, because I don’t know who I am or, in a way, if I really exist. Maybe, it seems, nothing is really real. It’s all just a movie playing in an empty theater. Maybe this doesn’t make sense. Most of the time life doesn’t really make much sense.
body is 48 yr old mother of 2 adopted teens
KK - 17 yr old f
2T - 2 yr old f nonverbal
"Little K" 3 yr old f
Christian - "The Rulemaker" - adult m
Seven - Young adult m
Kat - 7 yr old f
Major Depression, Anorexia, Anx Disorder, DID (or maybe OSDD), PTSD
Gracie - Greyhound Service Dog
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby spinningtops » Sat Mar 27, 2021 2:51 am

GKOKD wow, i don't know what to say.

feeling very disassociated today.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby IainEtc » Sat Mar 27, 2021 9:09 am

Hang in there KK. It stucks but as long as you're still in there things can get better. Right now you're acting like something is triggering you're system pretty hard. Protectors show up when we need to fight something.

Hey Christian. I'm a Protector in our system. Want to check on you. What's got you going? My bet is you're seeing something your host needs to know about.

Colin

KK - Sounds like you're going through depersonalization and derealization. It's something hosts do when we're overwhelmed. I felt that regularly for a while (and still do sometimes) but when I got more communication with the system it settled down. I agree with Colin. If you're being shoved aside, your Protectors are engaging a threat.

Host
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby GKOKD » Mon Mar 29, 2021 10:55 pm

Another rough day.

I had emailed my T my post on Friday and I thought if we could just survive the weekend we would see her today and maybe sort it out and maybe she could help us in some way to feel... I don't know... but maybe something better. But first thing this morning the office called and said she was out for the day and the littles cried so hard and Seven got mad and body-destructive and Christian was super active and hyper-vigilant all day and I feel so foggy and I'm afraid she's going to be out again tomorrow, then what will we do? We're not scheduled to see her tomorrow, but she usually calls us every morning during the week and checks on us and gives us something to focus on during the day and it's been three days and everyone's in chaos and I can't see my way out. We don't have another in-person appointment scheduled for over a month! I feel so stuck and locked up! I'm trying so hard to stay safe, but it's hard with Seven so close.
body is 48 yr old mother of 2 adopted teens
KK - 17 yr old f
2T - 2 yr old f nonverbal
"Little K" 3 yr old f
Christian - "The Rulemaker" - adult m
Seven - Young adult m
Kat - 7 yr old f
Major Depression, Anorexia, Anx Disorder, DID (or maybe OSDD), PTSD
Gracie - Greyhound Service Dog
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GKOKD
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