How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Hey Violet - thanks. That sounds kind of frightening to be so unsure of who's around or not, hope you're okay.

MD hope you're okay and doing a bit better too <3

Meanwhile: we're okay. Jen and I are starting to find ways to communicate, although slow progress on that front.

The main thing is trying to work out what to do with our T on Tuesday. He knows, now, but I don't know what it'll be like now he does. He invited us all to the session. Don't know whether Jen will want to come out or what will happen on that front. I just don't know. I'm feeling very lost.

Hi Skaya—would it help for each of you to write to the T in a journal or letter how you are each feeling, or what your concerns are? When I have a lot of possibly conflicting feelings going on, it helps me to get them down on paper.

Hi Violet—I know you guys always like to know who’s fronting, so I hope you figure it out.

Things are still kind of weird for me, and I didn’t sleep well last night. We hate disappointing the husband, and we did last night. He’s being great—but there are things that our system really needs to work out—old reflexive ways of responding that are really interfering.

Also, we emailed the T yesterday about the noise machine thing—with a link to the recent posts. We wrote them without thinking he would see them—so some parts are nervous about that. He responded this morning, but someone is afraid to read it (even though the part we could see is nice).

Thank you, Gang and Skaya. We just had an extra session with our T. It helped.

Now we have to do laundry.

Gang, do you think your feeling of disconnection/emptiness has anything to do with what Bobby is going through? Just wondering.

Charity and others

I feel very small today. not little, just small. the arthritis in my hands is flaring up, this time it is so bad I can't type and struggle to hold onto things. I just want this to be over. I need my hands. it is sad to watch my body destroy itself. two autoimmune diseases and chronic nerve pain. it's enough.

I'm sorry that you're in so much pain, birdsong87.

MakersDozn wrote:Gang, do you think your feeling of disconnection/emptiness has anything to do with what Bobby is going through? Just wondering.

There is disconnection, but not really emptiness. It's hard to know, because we had a similar way of coping the last time we spend a lot of time with my husband's family. There is a way that we are used to being when we're with them, and since we first met them decades ago, it has a long history. Host-type parts and non-traumatized young ones can be around (like Meredith and Little), but not anyone else.

But the last time, in June, Bobby was quite vocal before and after, and we made sure to take care of his needs. Now I'm not sure where he is.

To update what we just wrote earlier, we went through all the fears we could find about what the T's email might say, and then read it. It went farther in the positive direction than I could have imagined, so it's very useful to have gone through the fears and have them disproven.

And since I was in the car with my husband, I did all that out loud, so he could see how the process works. I think it was helpful for him--I think he needs a lot of exposure to how my system works and to the fact that everyone is in here all the time.

hey all, B25 here. I wanted to introduce myself since I got shoved out front. I haven't been out in a long while. not since 2014 I think.

I'm named B25 after one of my hosting periods. i am probably a bit younger than that. I like dancing and camping and walking in the woods. and I'm a bit higher on the uh....personal upkeep so to speak. a bit dismayed at the state of the body. but I can clean us up. starting with these eyebrows eek!!!! would you believe we aren't even doing any hair/makeup/nails??? yikes. weight loss is another story but that's only slow and steady anyway. can't fix that in one go.

I am a bit nervous because I haven't been out since our last nervous exhaustion breakdown and I'm not so sure about this corporate office job - but I figure I can fake it. how hard can it be right?

anyway. I figure everyone was pretty exhausted. but they pushed to the finish line and did an amazing job all I have to do is not ###$ it all up. and I think I can manage that. so..... I'll just fake it at work. have fun with the kid. and keep up with the laundry and the dishes. easy peasy gonna keep that positive attitude. I know I'm a pinch hitter. but it's still really important and I've got to think about the team so that's what I'm gonna do!

MakersDozn wrote:I understand very well about being 25 in a body that's....older.

Charity

BeccaBee wrote:hey all, B25 here. I wanted to introduce myself since I got shoved out front. I haven't been out in a long while. not since 2014 I think.

I'm named B25 after one of my hosting periods. i am probably a bit younger than that.

Hi again B25,

Thank you for telling us more about yourself. Our other four adults (besides Charity) are all 23. You seem to have Allegra's energy level. She's 17.

Charity, Mary, and others

Having a very low-energy kinda day here. Low mental energy. Like its tiring to try and think and its taken what feels like hours to get up the energy to type on here.

Yesterday we were really depersonalized or something? Or someone new/unknown was fronting? I dunno. There's like 3 or 4 different handwritings in our journal from yesterday.

Pretty sure I'm Violet again today. Melissa is here too right now, she was watching cartoons for... huh, 3 hours. Longer than I thought.

watch that reefer V.

yeah MDs. I think 17ish sounds about right. I tried to guess before and I thought 17-19. how do you know how old you are when the body is so old?

I mean. scars. and like droopy face and stuff. it's weird. I mean I know we are like older every time or whatever. but it's still really off putting. the face and hands especially.

I don't know about work. I didn't really work much today. I mean - I sat at my desk and stayed quiet. but I wasn't "on task". I'm supposed to do that tomorrow. like actually work. today I just payed all the bills and looked at the internet. we need a haircut so I scheduled that. well I did answer emails. I just didn't send NEW ones.

I wonder why I'm the pinch hitter? I feel like I'm always out when everybody else is wiped. but then i don't know what to do.

I got groceries and cooked dinner with the kid. and the laundry is going.

BeccaBee wrote:watch that reefer V.

We decided we don't like it. Stinky stuff, stank up our clothes and hair and everything. So we took it all and turned it into butter and stuck it in the fridge and haven't touched it since.

BeccaBee wrote:I don't know about work. I didn't really work much today. I mean - I sat at my desk and stayed quiet. but I wasn't "on task". I'm supposed to do that tomorrow. like actually work. today I just payed all the bills and looked at the internet. we need a haircut so I scheduled that. well I did answer emails. I just didn't send NEW ones.

I hope things go ok for you with work B25. We've been kinda fumbling our way through stuff for a year now cos when previous host went away she took some of our work skills with her. We've relearend most of the admin stuff but she was a programmer / systems developer and... the rest of us are not.