How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Dear Lumpy,

I'd just like to let you know that your posts are extremely helpful and soothing to me. Thank you for sharing your experiences here. Seriously, thank you very much. I hope that's not weird of me to say.

Grace

struggling.

nerves are shot to $#%^.

Dear BeccaBee

I hear you (((BeccaBee))) (that is a big Hug)

When the outside world gets really stressful my inside world turns to pandemonium and makes it so much worse. And can go the other way around too. My Inside world when in chaos spills out all over into the outside world and makes a big mess.

I want to send you as much hope and understanding as I can muster <3

Please know that we get it and really feel for you.

The past 5 years have been extreme and crippling. My whole world collapsed and is gone now. But in many ways I'm glad. I made it through in one cardboard box with now more pieces. But I'm better off I think. At it's worse I was down to 122 lbs and should be 145 lb. my PNES seizures were a constant all day every day thing for over 2 years. The inpatient DID centers nationwide wouldn't take me because the seizures were not diagnosed so was turned away. I was blacking out constantly. Lost my Mom and Dad. My two brother's disowned me due to my PTSD. Theirs is I guess ok but mine wasn't.

And somehow I did it all sober. I wish it was a 5 year drunken black out. But I know it would of been far far worse had I started drinking again.

I get nerves being shot to $%#*!

On the other side of it now, Life is much calmer. Both inside and out. I's manageable for long periods of time. I wish that you also make it to a better place and quickly. <3

With Much warmth and understand
Lumpy

BeccaBee wrote:struggling.

nerves are shot to $#%^.

sounds like you need a break. anything you can do for yourselves to get a moment to breathe?

Hiyas Gracelilly

by GraceLilly » Tue Apr 03, 2018 3:54 am

Dear Lumpy,

I'd just like to let you know that your posts are extremely helpful and soothing to me. Thank you for sharing your experiences here. Seriously, thank you very much. I hope that's not weird of me to say.

Grace

Hey I used that Ebil "Quote" button without a meltdown! yay!

Thank You so very much for your kind words!

Just being in this DID forum scares the bejeebs out of me! I feel so insecure out of fear. I feel so exposed even to myself. It forces me to confront things I have hid from my whole life and many for good reason. I often feel like I'm being judged or "Crazy".

I have to remind myself that I'm in a safe space and that I never have viewed a post as "Crazy" or judgmental. I have only felt compassion and understanding. I remind myself that everyone else here understands and has been so very kind too.

So Thank You so very much GraceLilly (((HUGZ))))

I'm glad to hear that you find my posts soothing and helpful.

I've been active on other forums of all varieties, and the part of me that does the writing is very long winded and a short post for me is like 3 full paragraphs >< Looking back at older ones before I knew of the DID it explains the eclectic writing style. Parts jump in to make their own commentary often in Mid sentence.

I really want to thank you again GraceLilly.

You really helped ease a lot of the fear and insecurity I have for being in here and letting it all out. May you have a wonderful Day and you made my day

Sincerly
Lumpy

Glad you're back and doing well, birdsong.

MDs

thanks guys.

mercifully I had a lovely 3 day weekend. lots of R&R + catching up on the housework. I hydrated like crazy all weekend too. fresh juices and homemade chicken soup.

kid had a medical thing. think it was triggery as ###$ but idky.

I'm cutting back on benzos. just tired of feeling dependent on them but it's arduous.

really glad you made it through Easter birdsong.

I wonder how Brett (LTLTR) is doing. it's been a while and his family was going through so much. lil b takes it hard.

work is balls out crazy. horoscope dude says it will be Cray through mid may when a pivotal change happens. I know it's hokey, but horoscope dude is on point y'all.

sorry I haven't been supportive. the struggle is ######6 real these days. kid got diagnosed with absence seizures. it's a form of epilepsy. it's a ###$ up thing for a kid to deal with. I know there are way worse things though so trying to take it in stride.

I haven't told her hillbilly piece of $#%^ weasel father. he's ######6 useless. I haven't talked to him in 2 years. why the ###$ would I start now....

one things for sure. life with DID is never boring.

alright. I'm gonna check MDs thread and see how the house hunting goes.

I am doing ok. I got to Easter ok. It has been a struggle in the past.

I'm glad things went well, birdsong!

BeccaBee--the stuff you have happening with work and your kid would be a handful even without adding in DID. So kudos to you for hanging in there and making time for self-care.

We're doing ok today--had an interesting interaction with the T because we contacted him about something a couple of days ago that wasn't urgent but was about me trying to take care of a little by helping her stay connected to him (which he has been supportive of). So it was a kind of a risk on my part to send him a text about it and when he didn't respond Sunday evening or yesterday, I created all kinds of reasons about why he wasn't responding, and different parts were upset, hurt, and confused. I sent him an email late last night, and this morning got text and email apologies from him because he had been sick, meant to respond to my text exactly like I had expected/hoped that he would, but then forgot to. So now it's clear to me that I could have just sent a follow-up text (like I would do with anyone else that I wanted to get a response from) asking if my request for the little was ok with him, instead of spending more a day being upset and confused.

I feel like I'm always observing the process of therapy as well as going through it, so as an observer it was so cool to see how his response showed me clearly that all of my thoughts and feelings yesterday were pure transference--not based on anything in reality, but triggered by him not responding, which could (and did) have a reason that had nothing to do with me.

(Of course the parts of me going through the experience did NOT think the whole thing was "so cool," and are still recovering from being upset. And want to say f*ck you to the observing part, but won't because we're trying to be respectful of each other... )

Oh Man

Is 5am and can't sleep. Has been a rough day. I really needed so rest from it.

I was really starting to feel safe to post and open up more because it's been so very helpful. Especially with Lil Marky. He is so shy and took him ages to feel safe enough to start to come out on his own.You'enz have been so very kind to us and I can't even begin to say how much that means to us!

But that Gamer's post asking questions about DID for his Role Playing Entertainment really did a number on us all day. My ears are still ringing from the sudden flood of doors being slammed shut in my head. All that progress with my Lil Guy shot to hell. The other's seemed to react that way too. Although one of them used to Play Dungeons and Dragons back in the 70's and wanted to know what Games he was playing? Ugg

I mean Innocent questions perhaps?

But it was more of the reality that we are not as safe here as we were starting to feel. He had to use Google or something to find this place. I find it hard to believe that he didn't read anything about DID before coming here? Or maybe he just skimmed. or maybe not.

For reasons I'm not privy to, It triggered the living flock out of me. On so many levels deep and wide. It was a very intense physical experience. I felt pains in places I haven't in a long time. It brought out an angry protector that has been dormant for a few years. He's been keeping me up and not a happy camper. He's furious. Keeps shouting that I should let him explain how we got DID at Age 3.

"Oh Look! on page 271 in the DSM-5, it clearly states under PTSD Criteria A4 that he can't get Vicarious PTSD through electronic media unless is work related."

I'm starting to see now why I got so triggered.

Well at least they are feeling like coming out again from behind their locked doors?

"M@rk" want's to ask "What if while reading Electronic Media while working, but is not related to your Job Duties, Can you still get Vicarious PTSD?". HMMM

Do we have any answers to that poignant question?

"Josef" says that "There better not be any Electronic Media that is harmful or we are going to our Union Rep!"

Union Rep?

AWWWWWWWWWWW OMG!

MARKY!
He's so freaking Cute!!! You should see him in his Superman outfit and cape!

Well I don't know what the heck just happened LOL But It's all good again. As a Matter of fact is never been this good before.

Sleep deprivation and good music really are magical at 7am with such good company.

OK now before I try and get back in bed, I am really dying to know something?

Does anyone else experience all this stuff like in a movie but kinda like you are half way in it?
I mean what I just went through in the past hour alone I would of paid good money for!

*Trigger Warning if reading this while working*
Marky Chris's coming out extravaganza in his Superman outfit and cape was way over the top and had way too many sequins on it. I think even Elvis would of been embarrassed to wear it! Not to mention more peeps than I wanted to even consider were all dancing like it was Broadway Musical.
*End Trigger Warning*

I knew I should of taken the PrazoSin before I tried to go to bed.

I'm afraid to go to sleep now.
Unless...I can be the Union Rep! Is that a conflict of Interest?

Niterz
lumps