How are you today thread (trigger warning)

I wish things were more simple...

Feeling very lonely today. Isolated. Sad. Weak. And vulnerable. I don't know if these are even my feelings, or someone else has come near the surface to share.

*** trigger warning self harm ***

When I feel this way, some of our... negative parts try and take advantage.

One of them whispering about self-harm. A little physical pain will make the emotions go away. A little blood to remind that you're still alive. Physical scars heal way faster than emotional ones.

And another whispering about self-medicating. No scars this way, no pain, and just as effective at numbing the emotions.

I'm fighting them both, but it leaves very little energy for anything else.

VioletFlux wrote:*** trigger warning self harm ***

When I feel this way, some of our... negative parts try and take advantage.

One of them whispering about self-harm. A little physical pain will make the emotions go away. A little blood to remind that you're still alive. Physical scars heal way faster than emotional ones.

And another whispering about self-medicating. No scars this way, no pain, and just as effective at numbing the emotions.

I'm fighting them both, but it leaves very little energy for anything else.

I'm not sure this would be helpful for you, but when this same process happens to me, I view it differently and maybe that helps me handle it differently?

I don't think of it as "taking advantage" but just that when those feelings are close to (or on) the surface like that, it links up to how the hopeless, wanting-to-self-harm (or die) part thinks all the time, and what it thinks of as the best way to help. That is the solution that makes the most sense to that part. So the first thing I try to let that part write about how it's feeling and what it thinks the solution is (usually that we should just die or at least cut a little). And then there are two parts that usually start suggesting other, more healthy approaches to take in the moment (do yoga or take a walk) or a better way to think about whatever happened to make us feel upset (if there was a specific thing).

I agree that it really saps one's energy--it's a time to ramp up the self-care, and maybe cut back on how much you were planning to accomplish externally (unless those things are good at distracting you). Getting outside usually helps me--a long walk seems to help, especially if it's cold or windy outside. Or an outdoor project that involves effort but not much brainpower.

Sorry you're having a hard morning.

Thank you Gang. We're currently trapped at work so fairly limited in what sorts of self-care we can do at the moment. Hopefully we'll be able to escape in a couple hours and try to take care of things.

A walk does sound good though, maybe we can do that this afternoon if we aren't too exhausted.

feeling wretched. too tired, lonely, sad.

feeling trapped in a life I didn't choose.

I know we have to keep it because of the money and the insurance and the kid and being stable and stuff.

but I really don't like it. so I have a bad case of the "I don't wannas".

RT and Tom are on strike or something. we've got problems on Team B.

somebody needs to pull us out of this tailspin.

Yesterday's low seems to have carried over to today. I'm sitting here wondering what's the point of it all. Every day is a struggle, and the only reward is to do it all over again tomorrow.

We have no real long-term goals. We're not striving for anything. I dn't know if we are even capable of managing a long-term goal nowadays. I was focused on physical health for a long while but now that's taking a bit of a back seat to trying to cope with the mental health stuff.

It's not that I think we were better off before... previous host didn't know about / was in denial about the DID issues, but she was miserable and in very poor health. And I know from her blog and stuff she had a lot of the same problems. She just ignored and/or quickly forgot about them.

Anyways, I dunno what I'm doing. Just whining I guess, feeling sorry for myself.

-Violet (1)

Violet(1)

Don't be so hard on yourself. I get the impression that you are a bit of a perfectionist, but honestly, you are going through a drastic change in life and it is still early days. If it helps to have a long term goal then make it something specific and releastically achievable. I know you spend a huge amount of time focusing on DID issues but don't forgot to live too. Find out what everyone likes doing and spend some time doing those things.

Thanks Tortoiseshell.

You're right, V1 probably spends too much time obsessing over DID issues rather than just living. I don't think she has anything she does for fun now. She used to enjoy working out but lately that hasn't been helping. I listen to music, Melissa watches her cartoons, Mike has sports, even Rebecca has her tea, but V1 doesn't seem to have anything right now that makes her happy.

-V2

we are feeling empty and hollow, like a chocolate bunny.