How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Revolutions, homicidal drug addicts leaking pipes at the bottom of ocean and now ghosts.

Flipping ghosts.

Ain't life in Rapture grand?

ShawTrav wrote:Yep and it's only getting hotter. I'm in Texas and the floods are not helping. But it's getting better.

Wait... Seriously? Floods in TX?! You must live near a lot of water. Flooding sucks. Please be careful and try to stay safe.

*trigger warning*
Horrible day. Stopped taking medication a few days ago because I didnt understand why I was taking it. I don't get anxiety. Then I switched and now I need the medication but it's too late because I already stopped. I'm super confused because one alt needs certain meds when another is fine without them. I end up forgetting or being against the meds.

Not only that but I've felt pretty alone all day like I am just a burden to everyone.

Bouts of denial because I still dont want to accept my past.

Just generally not great :'(
*end trigger warning*

I'm very upset right now. My brother discovered I was using this site and since I don't have a formal diagnosis, he doesn't believe I have DID and told my mom, who also doesn't believe and thinks my amnesia is normal and happens to everyone. My brother does this every time. I tell him not tell Mom and Dad about something and he goes and does it anyway.

I yelled at him for it and stormed out of the room. God, I hate Viola's brother sometimes.

Violarules wrote:I'm very upset right now. My brother discovered I was using this site and since I don't have a formal diagnosis, he doesn't believe I have DID and told my mom, who also doesn't believe and thinks my amnesia is normal and happens to everyone. My brother does this every time. I tell him not tell Mom and Dad about something and he goes and does it anyway.

I yelled at him for it and stormed out of the room. God, I hate Viola's brother sometimes.

*hugs* he sounds like a bit of a brat. Hopefully he'll grow out of it. Are you currently seeing someone about your DID? Or are your parents funny about that? My parents still don't even accept I had a BPD diagnosis and I got that 7 years ago. They sit on their "you had such a nice childhood, why would you have something wrong with you" pedestal, they think I'm just a bit sad... Just because they didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. So yeah I understand where you're coming from and it sucks when people close to you don't see it for what it is.

DID sucks. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate feeling alters that are hypomanic right now, while I feel like $##@. I feel like im in a train that I know is coming out of a dark tunnel. some alters are so used to the dark they dont want to let go of the brakes. I know my progress in therapy and hard work at school are improving my life. Our life is changing, but they dont want to let go of the past and their role in it....

VikixxLouise wrote:

Violarules wrote:I'm very upset right now. My brother discovered I was using this site and since I don't have a formal diagnosis, he doesn't believe I have DID and told my mom, who also doesn't believe and thinks my amnesia is normal and happens to everyone. My brother does this every time. I tell him not tell Mom and Dad about something and he goes and does it anyway.

I yelled at him for it and stormed out of the room. God, I hate Viola's brother sometimes.

*hugs* he sounds like a bit of a brat. Hopefully he'll grow out of it. Are you currently seeing someone about your DID? Or are your parents funny about that? My parents still don't even accept I had a BPD diagnosis and I got that 7 years ago. They sit on their "you had such a nice childhood, why would you have something wrong with you" pedestal, they think I'm just a bit sad... Just because they didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. So yeah I understand where you're coming from and it sucks when people close to you don't see it for what it is.

No I'm not since I'm afraid of the tests for it coming back negative and then I look like a fool. My mom has that same stance on it, that I had such a nice childhood that I can't be DID. Yeah, my life is not perfect, not that she'll ever acknowledge that and if I told her that, she'll take it as a hate speech so it's not even worth it because I have tried to tell her in the past and she's always taken my basic cry for help as me insulting her so I've stopped trying.

Violarules wrote:

VikixxLouise wrote:

Violarules wrote:I'm very upset right now. My brother discovered I was using this site and since I don't have a formal diagnosis, he doesn't believe I have DID and told my mom, who also doesn't believe and thinks my amnesia is normal and happens to everyone. My brother does this every time. I tell him not tell Mom and Dad about something and he goes and does it anyway.

I yelled at him for it and stormed out of the room. God, I hate Viola's brother sometimes.

*hugs* he sounds like a bit of a brat. Hopefully he'll grow out of it. Are you currently seeing someone about your DID? Or are your parents funny about that? My parents still don't even accept I had a BPD diagnosis and I got that 7 years ago. They sit on their "you had such a nice childhood, why would you have something wrong with you" pedestal, they think I'm just a bit sad... Just because they didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. So yeah I understand where you're coming from and it sucks when people close to you don't see it for what it is.

No I'm not since I'm afraid of the tests for it coming back negative and then I look like a fool. My mom has that same stance on it, that I had such a nice childhood that I can't be DID. Yeah, my life is not perfect, not that she'll ever acknowledge that and if I told her that, she'll take it as a hate speech so it's not even worth it because I have tried to tell her in the past and she's always taken my basic cry for help as me insulting her so I've stopped trying.

I can understand your fear of being made a fool. I had the same thing and still do... The tests don't really mean a lot though, as long as the therapist realises what is happening which didn't happen for me for a long time. The personality that goes to see therapists seems fine and they explain that they have mood swings and other symptoms because that's what people tell them happens. Before my current T no one (including myself) knew what happened in between sessions. Then I met the therapist I have now and he said it was fine if I emailed him in between sessions because I could work through my issues on my own that way, without feeling alone in the battle. Anyway! Because of the emails he saw a lot of my personalities and because it was written in black and white I had to admit to myself what was happening. If anyone else had read the emails they would have probably thought I was just strange but luckily my therapist is amazing and accepting and he understands.

So tests may say you aren't DID but bare in mind they aren't everything. It's about how you perceive yourself and if personalities is the only way you can deal with your emotions then people need to try and accept that.

I tried heaps when I was a kid to explain what happened to me and my mum would just under mine it and make it out that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. That is how my mum has always dealt with her emotions and she expected me to do the same. I have stopped trying to get my parents to understand and tried to accept that they do love me and they love all of me and they don't need to "believe" that I have DID as long as they love the full me, alters and all, whether they see them as alters or not. (This may be different for you, just letting you know my own situation.)

I'm not you and so I can't experience what you have gone through but you sound like you feel pretty distrusted and that must suck. Just remember that what your mum thinks doesn't make you the person you are and it's ok for her to have differing opinions, try not to let that get you down, even though it sounds super hard.

I would like to say things will get better but I can't promise that so instead I'll say everyone here understands a little what you're going though just keep going and you'll hopefully get there one day ^_^

ich kann nicht mehr. there is nothing left in me, i just cant go on. i have done so well these last few weeks. we had enough to eat, everything was clean, everyone got their time out, i kept everything stable during conflict and others got a chance to work thru their pain. i did so well taking care of everything to make this possible but i just cant go on. someone needs to take care of this doctors appointment. someone needs to speak to this state office guy. all our finances depend on it but i just cant. go. on. it needs to happen now. tomorrow the latest, otherwise we wont have money to eat for the next 3 months. all i am doing is laying on the floor in the hallway until L picks it up again. not one more step. so exhausted. broken. i am so useless. they should just get rid of me and everyone would be better of. i cant do this anymore. how do i always end here, overwhelmed and one big failure?

Thanks Viki, I really appreciate hearing that. It's just that when I was little until about last year, I would have nighttime hallucinations. They've stopped and the doctors have chalked it up to that little kids that have big imaginations and that I've grown out of that. I don't believe that since the hallucinations have gone dormant before and then come back. I kinda feel like my neurologist isn't taking me seriously or maybe he's just confused since I had a sleep test come back as Narcolepsy, even though my symptoms don't match Narcolepsy at all. I have to make an appointment with him so I'll ask to be tested for a dissociative disorder and see what happens.