How are you today thread (trigger warning)

ArbreMonde wrote:You did what you could when the situation showed up.

Remember that if one alter in the system is abusive towards another outisde person, it's the whole system who is held responsible for it.

Yes, it is unfair that the punishment falls on one alter for the behavior of another. But, let the system deal with it and sort things within themself. You do the best you can to survive in traumatic situations by using one of the four Fs (fight flight freeze fawn) or all of them one after the other or any other combination.

You do what you can given the situation.

You are NOT responsible for the switches within another system and the consequences it has for this system.

__
Urielles.

No, I don't think it was Sweet's fault that Marcas, Mary and Diablo abused us. She tried SO HARD to stop the abuse. She never wanted it to happen and she saved our life from the others on more than one occasion. She told us that, if she had her way, she'd be the only one coming out, even if she was transgender. It's just that the abusive alters were stronger than she was and had a way of keeping her inside. The host cannot be held responsible either because Marcas was obsessive about keeping the dissociation a secret from him. It may be easy from your perspective to say they were all guilty, but it isn't from mine. We observed this system for decades. We have a good idea how they functioned (or didn't).

Anyway, reading the book "The Haunted Self" is leaving me with more questions than answers. (I only just finished chapter one, though.) For example, is it possible to have no Emotional Parts (EPs)? No one in my system seems to be trapped in a specific moment of trauma, not even my Memory Keepers. When an alter splits off of them, they just share the "trauma" with us as if it were a "narrative memory", not a true traumatic memory. They know it's sad and anger-provoking, but they cannot access the anxiety such an event would trigger. It's really strange and makes things hard because part of our healing process involves feeling the emotions that came with the traumatic event, but they can't do this. I mean, before, when we had more Memory Keepers, an alter seemed to have all the feelings, even pain, but not now. It's so strange.

- Marcella

Sorry to post twice in a row and on the same day, but I need to.

I feel like some need of mine is beening unmet. I'm anxious. I think it has to do with "Abuser's Day" being tomorrow.

***Trigger Warning: Religious stuff ***


I don't know why this day has to land on a Sunday every year! I don't think I'll be able to go to church tomorrow. I'm afraid the pastor will give a sermon on the importance of fathers and how great they are and I'd be triggered the whole time, yelling at him in my head that a father can be the worst thing in the world for a child. Not true for everyone, I know, but true for me! Or worse ... he'll talk but how God is my Father. Anyway, I think I'll stay home so I can just literally turn the sermon off if it goes in that direction.


*** End Trigger Warning ***

I might end up posting some (hopefully) fun threads on here tomorrow to try to distract myself as much as possible, without spamming the place. I need a carnival. Let's have fun tomorrow!

- Marcella

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Sorry to hear, Marcella. We hope all of you feel better soon.

Truly_happy wrote:I might end up posting some (hopefully) fun threads on here tomorrow to try to distract myself as much as possible, without spamming the place. I need a carnival. Let's have fun tomorrow!
- Marcella

We found it's good to have a fun distraction (when upset, etc), so those posts sound like a good idea.

We are not doing well at all. And we feel so far away from everything that we usually view as helpful or supportive. It just seems hopeless, so there's no point in bothering other people about it. We really don't want to be alive anymore.

Sending a lot of moral support to everybody here. We read, we care, and we hope you will get better soon.

__
Urielles.

um, doing ok we suppose. been decluttering and cleaning tidying the living room for a while now. not eating well.

Urielles: Your system's work here is always appreciated.

LittleDaria: Good for you for getting some chores done. I hope you can get back to better eating habits before you reach the dreaded Downward Spiral. Wouldn't want that.

As for us, we're tired. We've been puppy-sistting, which has been great up to now due to the tiredness. It's our nephew's dog, which means our sister is involved in the whole sistuation. She triggers us big-time. The whole reason we are tired is because she popped-in unexpectedly to check on the dog and a few of her other pets that we are watching for her. Stress drains us. I wish so much she hadn't done that, even though I see how it was good from her perspective. I just wanted so much to only have that good news about the puppy. Oh well. Tan es la vida. (Spanish for "that's life!")

He really is a wonderful puppy.

Thoughts on something: Is it common for autistics to present as being self-centered? I know a lot of people here are autistic, so have you heard people say to you that you are self-focused or even narcissistic? I say this because we just tried to have a conversation with another autistic person and she didn't comment on anything we said to her, she just went on about the topic from her own point-of-view. It made us feel like we hadn't really been heard or that our stance meant nothing to her. We're trying to rationalize her response instead of feeling bad about it.

- Marcella

i'll be honest. i have a lot on my mind lately.

this is my first post, so i figure this might be a good place to start and to share my feelings.

i don't have a therapist and i cannot get diagnosed due to neglectful family, but regardless i still try to delve into my history and dig up memories. i know you're not supposed to without a therapist or professional help, but my stubbornness, curiosity and just the general desire to /know/ really messes with my head, especially since i only have two direct memories of trauma most people would refer to as 'severe'.

because of this, i've been badly dissociated since yesterday and going down denial and self doubt spirals that may or may not be another alter i don't know about yet, which reminds me of something else.

there may be more than one 'me'. like, i know i have other alters, but they have different appearances and such and don't identify as 'me', or the host. i think i may have more than one alter that identifies as 'me' though, which is an interesting thought, but a weird thing to have to deal with when i am currently in relationships, (i am polyamorous and have four partners at the time of writing this, three of which are systems as well, and one of which is a singlet who is very understanding and sweet). i don't know how to talk to them about this subject, though. we're used to our alters being, well, not entirely separate but notedly different and we don't consider our entire systems to be in these relationships exactly, like my boyfriend and partner are not all dating every one of my alters and i am not dating every one of theirs, and my singlet boyfriend is not dating all of my alters either.

i guess i just have to rip off the bandaid and talk about it at some point.

-grem (host)

Truly_happy wrote:
Thoughts on something: Is it common for autistics to present as being self-centered? I know a lot of people here are autistic, so have you heard people say to you that you are self-focused or even narcissistic? I say this because we just tried to have a conversation with another autistic person and she didn't comment on anything we said to her, she just went on about the topic from her own point-of-view. It made us feel like we hadn't really been heard or that our stance meant nothing to her. We're trying to rationalize her response instead of feeling bad about it.

- Marcella

'Autos' the greek word that the word Autism derives from means 'self'. because the child was (especially back in those days) removed from social interaction and appeared to 'live in their own world' (more often institutionalised). So they were seen as an “isolated self.”

Eugen Bleuler, a Swiss psychiatrist, was the first person to use the term.

Regarding not mentioning what you were talking about...sometimes there is a delay in processing, this has happened to us before when family have been talking and it didn't 'go in' at the time, later something else may trigger a memory of the conversation and we're like 'oh that's what they were talking about!'

By the very nature of autism it is difficult (if not impossible if child has severe learning difficulties on top) for someone with autism to understand something from someone's else's viewpoint.It will also depend how severe the autism itself is aside from any 'additional learning difficulties'.

Kit

gremandco wrote:i'll be honest. i have a lot on my mind lately.

this is my first post, so i figure this might be a good place to start and to share my feelings.

i don't have a therapist and i cannot get diagnosed due to neglectful family, but regardless i still try to delve into my history and dig up memories. i know you're not supposed to without a therapist or professional help, but my stubbornness, curiosity and just the general desire to /know/ really messes with my head, especially since i only have two direct memories of trauma most people would refer to as 'severe'.

because of this, i've been badly dissociated since yesterday and going down denial and self doubt spirals that may or may not be another alter i don't know about yet, which reminds me of something else.

there may be more than one 'me'. like, i know i have other alters, but they have different appearances and such and don't identify as 'me', or the host. i think i may have more than one alter that identifies as 'me' though, which is an interesting thought, but a weird thing to have to deal with when i am currently in relationships, (i am polyamorous and have four partners at the time of writing this, three of which are systems as well, and one of which is a singlet who is very understanding and sweet). i don't know how to talk to them about this subject, though. we're used to our alters being, well, not entirely separate but notedly different and we don't consider our entire systems to be in these relationships exactly, like my boyfriend and partner are not all dating every one of my alters and i am not dating every one of theirs, and my singlet boyfriend is not dating all of my alters either.

i guess i just have to rip off the bandaid and talk about it at some point.

-grem (host)

We do not have a therapist, most of our system is autistic to some degree (a few ANP's in denial so they can socialise better when needed). Many of them would not 'come out' to reveal themselves to a therapist in fact our host is in their 50's and no-one in our life knows we 'have others inside'.

It may be our over-literal mind but we can't see how a therapist whose never experienced DID can be considered 'an expert' over other people with DID who are further along in their journey and understand where you are (in your journey) instantly. So we do not recognise a non-DID person as an 'expert' just because they have a piece of paper that says they are a Dr or psychotherapist.

So we've had to find a way to go about working things out ourselves. This forum has been immensely helpful! ..more so than any other source/site.

Writing our autobiography and looking through old family photo's has helped us to see who was out when and get an idea of how many of us they are/has been in the body's life. It's taken us about 5 years to go from not knowing we had DID to understanding and getting to know each other.

Kit