Learning to handle life with DID

My doctor pointed out that the goal of therapy is not to make alters disappear, it is to take away the power the traumatic memories have over me. She said that because of what I went thru as a child, my mind created the other parts to handle certain situations/stressors, and these parts won't disappear, they will "move to the background" (as in not be able to cause amnesia anymore) I'm paraphrasing here, but that was the gist of it.

I think I would feel alone and sad if "everyone" disappeared, so I don't think I have a problem with her prognosis. Part of me thinks she is being a hack by saying that I should accept that I can't be completely healed...But another part thinks she understands DID and is being realistic. I guess I'm happy as long as certain parts don't do harmful things to me when they take over.

Do you think my doctor has the right goals in mind for me? Does she know what she is talking about?

It doesn't sound bad to me. I think by her saying you won't be 'completely healed' means more that you will still have to deal with the trauma to some degree.
I would be more worried if she started trying to pressure you into something like integration.

It sounded to me like she's actually NOT trying to get you all to integrate. Leaving it as a choice seems to be a big plus to me.

Well, of course, if you want, she may be able to help integration. Maybe you could ask her how she thinks about integration and such. (For me, I'd rather integrate, but that's just me, I can understand why people want to keep being separated).

my old T said that he thought the goal would be to promote harmonious living (though I expressed specific concerns about integration). He has also said in the past that the goal of therapy overall is to understand how the past is effecting present day living and to work on a happier state of being (whatever that may be). (This is inline with your T saying to take away the power the past has over you.) For me that ended up also meaning not being for too long a more destructive part and being able to make that part less destructive or not getting stuck for too long with them out.

The decision to integrate is really yours and your system's. healing comes in many shapes and forms and I suspect you may not even know at this point what healing might be for you (ie integration or not). We were pretty against the whole idea, but I may have integrated a part/fragment recently. I can't say what it was for sure but the end result is that I am having a positive experience for some moments, which is good, and part of healing I think.

Your doc might also be sensitive to the fact that saying integration alone can trigger parts who don't want to integrate to feel threatened. In my experience these parts are very destructive, and sabotage the therapeutic process.

It sounds like your T is right on. Not promising full healing. Of course, I think its up to the individual as to hoe much they want to heal. For me, integration is the goal. I only have two left to integrate, out of 27. The others integrated, but did not disappear. They are very much a part of me and available to me, just don't lose time because they are out, they're more in the background. Also, for me, the true healing is about dealing with tthe traumatic memories and not being so triggered by them. And how to be happy in my present day life and not let the past affect the current time as much. It sounds to me like your T knows what they are talking about. Alysone

Setting your goal is your job, not your therapist's job.

My goal is full integration meaning fusion of all dissociated identities. I have fused two already. Of the rest I have the most communication and co-consciousness with Alter 2 but I expect he will be the last to fuse with me because he is the most complex.

Wow thanks for all the replies..I am happy that everyone here seems to agree with my doctors prognosis.

Una+ wrote:y goal is full integration meaning fusion of all dissociated identities. I have fused two already.

How does it feel after they are fused in? Are they gone?

For me, they are not gone, just there in a different way. They are with me because now I have all their talents, all their memories, but we worked thru the memories so they don't bother me any more. I still remember all their names, and sometimes I can tell that I'm acting more like how they were when they were separate, except now its all me. It's really pretty cool!

humptydumpty wrote:How does it feel after they are fused in? Are they gone?

It feels different. Before, I would feel them in certain parts of my body, and now they are not there. Now they are fully present in the whole body and my experience of myself is very different, at times shockingly different. At times they can separate from me a shade in order to speak to me or speak for themselves as separate parts. We are not gone. We are more continuously and more fully here. We are living this life full time and full sensory bandwidth.

That's interesting. Seems like the dissociation fades and the parts remain?

It would be great to not be so dissociated all the time. All I really want is to be able to trust that bad things won't happen when they take over and to know what happened when they are out. I'm pretty easy to get along with I guess!